Looking for help

[Charliepoo]

I am a 40-year-old mother of 2 (2 1/2 and 6 months) and am experiencing frequent urges to hurt my children. It's as if there is another person inside me who just wants to see what it would feel like. Sometimes I find myself struggling with that part of me and it is so scary.

I am terrified that one day I might do something to one of them - it would break my heart and ruin my life.

I have tried to talk with my partner about it, but he says I would never hurt them and shouldn't worry about it.

We are living abroad and I do not think there are qualified counselors here, so I am looking for some help.

Thanks a lot.

Charlie

 

[Dollit]

Where are you living? The country will do, not the town or city.

 

[Charliepoo]

Where are you living? The country will do, not the town or city.

We are in Hanoi, Vietnam; moving to Dar es Salaam, Tanzania next week.

Thanks for responding so quickly.

 

[Twylight]

Is this similar ?

I know some secrets about my friends and I'm always scared i'll spill the beans and ruin their lives.
But it's been 15 years and I never have.

 

[Dollit]

http://tanzaniabook.com/en/business...-services/uzima-counselling-center-11619.html

I've found this link with a phone number on it - it may be start for you.

 

[unlucky]

Well done Dollit, I've just been looking for 15 mins to see if I could find anything in Tanzania and couldn't. It seems your right and theres not much help, but I honestly do hope you get the help you need because as a mother I can see that it must be hell for you.

 

[Charliepoo]

I know some secrets about my friends and I'm always scared i'll spill the beans and ruin their lives.
But it's been 15 years and I never have.

Yes, maybe. That's what my partner says - you think about it, but that doesn't mean you would do anything; you won't. Maybe this is just a stressful time, having two little ones and moving continents and all. I just wonder - what if it isn't like that and I don't get help and then I do something to one of them? That is too horrible to imagine. So I will look for a Western counsellor when we get settled and try not to be alone with them too much in the meantime.

 

[invise]

How long you been feeling like this? Maybe its some form of post-natal depression? Did you feel like this after having your first child? Being a bloke I dont know much about these things, just a thought though. Hope you get to see someone soon.