Looking for any answers

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Nick77

New member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Colorado
Hello my Name is Nick. I've been battling anxiety most of my life. And depression for about 15 years now running..

I used to use alcohol to hide my Anxiety. About about 15 years ago my Best friend went into a Comma. My Anxiety stopped me from going to see him in the hospital... 3 days later he was gone.... I buried it down and fell into Depression. The issue was I didn't want to bother anyone with it because of my Anxiety. So I held on to it never talking to anyone about my feelings for 15 years .. I pushed everyone away afraid to be to close to anyone. Even my kids and wife at the time. I felt it was better to divorce so I didn't hold her back from being happy. And randomly meant another woman. She accepted how I was and started talking to her about all my issues. I finally had someone I could talk to and not feel judged. after about 1 year her Ex-boyfriend thought it would be best to kill her and take his life. This put me so far down.. but I didn't want to bother anyone so again I have never let others in and talk about it... I've been trying Meds for about 3 years and nothing changes me for the better. I've decided to just stop taking pills now and see what happens. My next step is try to talk with someone but I tell myself not to bother these people with my problems. I think my dog has been my saving grace but I even get down when I can't take him for walks.

Sorry I had to get things out.. I know if I sit on a couch I'll lose it so I'm afraid to put myself out there.

I have thought about suicide many times. But the fact it would bother others. I would never do it. I've wasted alot of my years with this. It's crazy how bad I feel when I tell my dog we'll go for a walk later but I can't once the time comes.

Any thoughts on TMS? Also if I need to talk about my issues first?

Thanks for your time so I can vent alittle.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
891
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hello my Name is Nick. I've been battling anxiety most of my life. And depression for about 15 years now running..

I used to use alcohol to hide my Anxiety. About about 15 years ago my Best friend went into a Comma. My Anxiety stopped me from going to see him in the hospital... 3 days later he was gone.... I buried it down and fell into Depression. The issue was I didn't want to bother anyone with it because of my Anxiety. So I held on to it never talking to anyone about my feelings for 15 years .. I pushed everyone away afraid to be to close to anyone. Even my kids and wife at the time. I felt it was better to divorce so I didn't hold her back from being happy. And randomly meant another woman. She accepted how I was and started talking to her about all my issues. I finally had someone I could talk to and not feel judged. after about 1 year her Ex-boyfriend thought it would be best to kill her and take his life. This put me so far down.. but I didn't want to bother anyone so again I have never let others in and talk about it... I've been trying Meds for about 3 years and nothing changes me for the better. I've decided to just stop taking pills now and see what happens. My next step is try to talk with someone but I tell myself not to bother these people with my problems. I think my dog has been my saving grace but I even get down when I can't take him for walks.

Sorry I had to get things out.. I know if I sit on a couch I'll lose it so I'm afraid to put myself out there.

I have thought about suicide many times. But the fact it would bother others. I would never do it. I've wasted alot of my years with this. It's crazy how bad I feel when I tell my dog we'll go for a walk later but I can't once the time comes.

Any thoughts on TMS? Also if I need to talk about my issues first?

Thanks for your time so I can vent alittle.
Hi @Nick77 and welcome to the forum.
I am sorry that you are going through this and for your losses. Hang in there man. Suicide isn’t the answer. Stay positive and push yourself to do what you want to do.
It’s ok to vent and please don’t hesitate to ask if you would like to talk to someone.
We have a loving and caring community here.

What medications have you tried? If you don’t mind sharing this information. Have you tried Benzodiazepines? I am not a big fan of Benzos but if you are a bad shape they will help you so much until later on when hopefully you get better. And before all this, what have you been diagnosed with?

There are lots of YouTube videos that talk about TMS. I’ve recently talked to my psychiatrist about it. It sound promising.

At this time, you need to break your daily routine even if it’s hard. Find distractions. Do activities if your physical health allows.

I hope you feel better soon.
 
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Nick77

New member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Colorado
I'm not to sure what all I've tried. It's been so many.. but I have tried some Benzos... I need to get a list for the TMS place.. paxil 20,30,40, Celexa , buspirone, meclizine, Zoloft. There are many more but these are the bottles I still have.

I've only talked to one guy (psychiatrist-ish) because my GP doc thought I was in a bad place. So she kinda just brought him in. But I'm not sure his title. He's the only people who's even said ADD, depression/anxiety because I don't tell anyone all my issues reeady 🤦...

I used to hike every weekend if not more but for some reason I'm stuck. I haven't been in a year. Just work and home.
 

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