H
happyhappy
Well-known member
Founding Member
Hi,
newbie here looking for advice.
I live in UK. I am still waiting to stabilise on BP meds. I rapidly cycle. At present, I am in a very peculiar place. I function very well on most levels.....apart from I hide myself away at pc too much or go to bed at earliest opportunity but apart from that...I function.
I think of suicide almost all the time. Certainly at several points in any day. I am planning it. I am very calm in this planning and there is nothing rushed about it.....most of my suicidal times have been when I am frenzied and anxious. I think of when, where, how. The plan is pretty much formulated apart from me booking a hotel room. Yet in the same day I think to myself "how ridiculous...you don't want to do that!"
Now, I don't know if I am having some weird kind of fantasy as I told my cpn I was thinking about suicide all the time and she told me told me I wasn't serious as I was finding excuses not to do it. Maybe she is right....I don't know. But I don't know if I am just telling her cos I want her to stop me. She does make me feel a bit stupid after I have told her.
My problem is....do I tell my pdoc? Part of me wants to tell him so he can stop me. Part of me doesn't so he can't. The part that wants him to stop me is frightened in case he has me sectioned. (hospital in my part of the world is not very nice) The fact that there is a part that doesn't want him to stop me seems to indicate that yes....there really is a problem.
So, you can see I am all over the place with my thoughts.
Happyhappy
newbie here looking for advice.
I live in UK. I am still waiting to stabilise on BP meds. I rapidly cycle. At present, I am in a very peculiar place. I function very well on most levels.....apart from I hide myself away at pc too much or go to bed at earliest opportunity but apart from that...I function.
I think of suicide almost all the time. Certainly at several points in any day. I am planning it. I am very calm in this planning and there is nothing rushed about it.....most of my suicidal times have been when I am frenzied and anxious. I think of when, where, how. The plan is pretty much formulated apart from me booking a hotel room. Yet in the same day I think to myself "how ridiculous...you don't want to do that!"
Now, I don't know if I am having some weird kind of fantasy as I told my cpn I was thinking about suicide all the time and she told me told me I wasn't serious as I was finding excuses not to do it. Maybe she is right....I don't know. But I don't know if I am just telling her cos I want her to stop me. She does make me feel a bit stupid after I have told her.
My problem is....do I tell my pdoc? Part of me wants to tell him so he can stop me. Part of me doesn't so he can't. The part that wants him to stop me is frightened in case he has me sectioned. (hospital in my part of the world is not very nice) The fact that there is a part that doesn't want him to stop me seems to indicate that yes....there really is a problem.
So, you can see I am all over the place with my thoughts.
Happyhappy