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Looking for advice

Should I respond and build a friendship or not answer ar all?

  • Respond

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Ignore

    Votes: 1 100.0%
  • Respond but don't build a friendship

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    1
B

BPDneuro

New member
Joined
Mar 6, 2019
Messages
2
Location
United states
Hey everybody, I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a situation. As someone with BPD, I'm trying to find a way to effectively handle an ongoing situation without spiraling out of control. So here goes.

I was in a psychiatric hospital for 3 months last year. In that time I made friends or rather acquaintances with some of my fellow patients. I made a connection with another patient and they become very attached to me in 2 weeks. They asked me to be their caregiver, I wasn't the only patient asked or encouraged to do it. However, I was the only one that they persisted with to become their caregiver. After I had been out of the hospital for a bit, they called and messaged me on Facebook quite an amount. They expressed that they love me. That they want me to be their caregiver and lover. I'm someone that has never had sexual or romantic feelings for anyone in the entirety of my 22 years of life. I told them in the nicest way possible that I didn't share those feelings and that I couldn't be friends with someone who wrote to me that they would rather kill themself than live without me. I ended all communication and blocked them following that incident and the short history that we shared. Just last night that person used someone else's phone to call me and leave a message. They asked me to call and let them know that I got their message and asked if we could be friends again. They are a good person and has lived longer than anyone thought they would being that they have a severe physical disability. I'm partly afraid that if i choose to resume communication with this person, that they may reach the end of their lifespan (especially noting that they are 25 years older than me) and that it will push me beyond the boundary again. I want to have friends, especially since I no longer have any, but I know it will be complicated and so frustrating to be friends with someone you know will most likely die in the next few years. I want to help but I need to actually consider my well being for once in my life. I don't have sexual or romantic feelings for others, but I do care about people as human beings and see an obligation to help others despite knowing what it will do to me. I don't want to end up back in the hospital because my pitiful life was once again torn apart. Any advice or recommendations you all have would be so awesome, thanks everyone.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
6,763
Location
Teesside
Hi and welcome to the forum!
You do seem to be in a tricky situation.
You did well to tell them that you were not interested in them in the way that they wanted. This was very strong of you.
Now you need to stick to that. In my opinion starting back with contact with that person will open up a whole new can of worms and will make the situation worse.
Your right you need to think about your own wellbeing first! Becoming acquainted with this person will not help your mental health.

Please keep talking, here to listen
Hugs
Fox
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
850
Location
Norfolk
Hey everybody, I'm looking for some advice on how to handle a situation. As someone with BPD, I'm trying to find a way to effectively handle an ongoing situation without spiraling out of control. So here goes.

I was in a psychiatric hospital for 3 months last year. In that time I made friends or rather acquaintances with some of my fellow patients. I made a connection with another patient and they become very attached to me in 2 weeks. They asked me to be their caregiver, I wasn't the only patient asked or encouraged to do it. However, I was the only one that they persisted with to become their caregiver. After I had been out of the hospital for a bit, they called and messaged me on Facebook quite an amount. They expressed that they love me. That they want me to be their caregiver and lover. I'm someone that has never had sexual or romantic feelings for anyone in the entirety of my 22 years of life. I told them in the nicest way possible that I didn't share those feelings and that I couldn't be friends with someone who wrote to me that they would rather kill themself than live without me. I ended all communication and blocked them following that incident and the short history that we shared. Just last night that person used someone else's phone to call me and leave a message. They asked me to call and let them know that I got their message and asked if we could be friends again. They are a good person and has lived longer than anyone thought they would being that they have a severe physical disability. I'm partly afraid that if i choose to resume communication with this person, that they may reach the end of their lifespan (especially noting that they are 25 years older than me) and that it will push me beyond the boundary again. I want to have friends, especially since I no longer have any, but I know it will be complicated and so frustrating to be friends with someone you know will most likely die in the next few years. I want to help but I need to actually consider my well being for once in my life. I don't have sexual or romantic feelings for others, but I do care about people as human beings and see an obligation to help others despite knowing what it will do to me. I don't want to end up back in the hospital because my pitiful life was once again torn apart. Any advice or recommendations you all have would be so awesome, thanks everyone.
As a BPD sufferer I’m afraid the one thing you don’t need in your life is stress, you/we all need to keep as calm as we can. All I see in any contact is emotional triggers that will spiral out of control. Both of you will continually suffer imo.
It’s difficult being lonely but just as bad to be in any destructive relationship. Use the forum for chatting. Sorry to be so negative but as I say, it’s just my opinion.
 
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