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Looking for advice on communication

R

Retro

New member
Joined
Feb 17, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Somerset
Hi all.

I found this forum through Google and reaching out as a complete last option.

Last year I started dating a lovely lady. We got into a relationship and for most part it was great. We bickered but due to control and when there was a bad moment she isolated herself

Throughout the relationship lots of stuff from her past was talked about and it was clear she had some harrowing experiences to deal with

Start of this year we are going good but there was an underline bicker and sense she could just leave . We had a silly arguement after new year and had some time apart then a few days later she tells me she's pregnant.

I had been told I couldn't have children so we were having unprotected sex. We had spoke about options for us having children. So the news was taken negatively and she was angry I had done this to her. After a few days she calmed and messaged to say she's going to keep the child but does not want to be with me yet wants me there as a friend to support her. We have lost our way of communicating and just argue. She has strange ways of dealing with things and I am looking for advice on how best to communicate with her. The reason I am here is I believe there is some issues with her mental healthy and I want to understand to communicate as she is carrying my child


Brief history of stuff she's mentioned
When she was young her mum gave her to her grandmother who took her away for several years to look after. Her mum kept her brother at home and she felt deeply abandoned . Her dad was not with her mum and suffered from bipolar. He died when she was 13. In her 20s she was modelling and got into a lifestyle of heavy drugs and suffered from bulimia. She was taken to the priory and greenwood as a result of this.

In her early 30s she suffered a breakdown and decided mediation was the answer. She's done several 1 month silent retreats

She's suffered 2 miscarriage and had 3 abortions. 2 of which she's told me her family almost made her have. She has a completely codependent relationship with her mother and reverts to a child closing the world off but also fearful all the time her mother will abandon her.

She has slight manic episodes where she's driven 12 hours none stop in silence to see her mum but also is generally isolated, alone and low. Sometimes can get obsessed with projects and forget to wash or eat properly for days.

She is a tremendous lady but when these things happen I find it hard to understand what's going on and I feel now we are connected I need to find out how I can communicate with her and what maybe going on in her mind

I know this isn't a place to diagnose! I have tried to go to joint counseling with her but she refused and sought out a spiritual healer.

Thank you very much for any response 🙏
 
I

Ihavecontrolofthebeast

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 13, 2020
Messages
76
Location
Uk
The first thing that's comes to my mind here is that it maybe not an isolated mental health issue. Could she be on the autistic spectrum?
 
R

Retro

New member
Joined
Feb 17, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Somerset
I guess so. It's all new to me so learning learning learning at the moment
 
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