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Long time self harmer

F

Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
Greetings everyone. I'm new to this forum and new to posting on forums in general about the said issues so yea bear with me.
I've been self harming now for 12 years and I've accumulated a fare few scars since I began. Self harming is now my only coping method to lifes trials and tribulations, things get stressful I self harm, if I feel I've have to punish myself for something I self harm. I did manage to stop for two and a half years and this was down to meeting the love of my life but unfortunately that ended 7 months ago and since then it's been pretty much every other day or so, some weeks everyday. I have so many scars now I don't see how any future relationships would work. I wouldn't say I regret my self harming but I feel I've totally ruined my body now to the point where Im pretty certain people would find it difficult to look at but I accepted a long time ago this is who and what I am and am quite prepared to stay single for the remainder of my time here. I think I'm writing this to see if anyone on this forum has similar feeling as myself or maybe have managed to meet someone who has accepted the sh injuries? I know I'm not the only serial sh in the world but I do belive I just have so many now it may be difficult to look at and because I tend to my own injuries none of my scars have ever been treated in hospital so again as you can imagine there quite a mess. Anyway if you took the time to read then thank you and to everyone here keep your head above the water. Peace :)
 
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Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi and welcome to the forum

Sorry that you are having to deal with SH and the repercussions of this. Are you getting any help at all, or have you tried different coping strategies? Distraction can often work. Please try something before hurting yourself more.

I don't think you need to resign yourself to a life alone. Someone will love you for who you are regardless. If you can find a way to reduce your self harming and perhaps give your recent wounds time to heal properly, you might feel a little better about your scars. Time has helped with mine.

Stay safe.
 
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Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
Thank you purple chaos. I did do a lot of different types of meditation and obsessively worked out a lot up until 6 months ago but that just only really kept my depression in check. I don't seem to be able to fight the self harm off at all, it's part of me now and it doesn't help I'm an ex heavy drinker who "fell of the wagon" when my ex left and my son who I've raised for the past nine years went to live with his mother, he was my routine, my anchor, my distraction and my life really.

I'd like to belive some will accept me with my scars but don't seem to be able to see anymore. Im having great difficulty getting over my ex I still belive she was the only one who could look past them but I have about 60 plus added since she left and I had a he'll of a lot when she was with me.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Please don't give up trying to find ways to resist. You've obviously been going through a great deal and you are still in a lot of emotional pain and turmoil.

I know it's probably a lot harder to cope with routine etc. with your son not there; that would be enough to knock anyone sideways, but you can gradually build a new routine and new distractions. He may not be living with you at the moment but your son is still a reason for hope.

There have been some good posts in this section of the forum regarding distractions. Perhaps reading through some of them will help or encourage you? Or maybe start your own thread on here about it? I'm sure you'll get some good ideas.
 
F

Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
I try to keep my son in my thoughts all the time it just difficult sometimes but I know your spot on he is my light at the end of the tunnel. I just see to be sleeping the days away at the moment and then emerging from my bed at night so I'm no give my self a chance to make any new routines it's just seems to much effort.

I have been looking through some threads on here and I'll admit it some things a helping a little. Just posting my first thread about my concerns and worries helped a little as I pretty much pushed away or lost all my friends now and noone in my family is aware of sh so this is helping. Thank you again purple chaos for your advice and taking time out to listen and respond.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
You're welcome, any time. I'm glad the forum's helping. There is a great deal of support to be had from here and I know it's helped me.

I know what you mean with the sleeping. My depressions sap my strength and energy and then I end up berating myself because I'm sleeping too much. It's a vicious circle!

Anyway, take care and keep reading and posting as you need to.

Cool username, by the way :)
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,529
Location
The West Country
Welcome to the forum Fallen Phoenix.

I'm sorry to hear of your struggles with self-harm, and also the issues around your ex and son.

My opinion would be a bit biased about accepting someone's scars, because I have my own.

However I did find a guy who accepted my scars. One of the most touching things he ever did was just gently smooth over them... the whole situation went tits up for other reasons.
But I do think that the right person will see past your scars and accept them as part of you.
 
F

Fallen Phoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
79
Location
Greater Manchester, England
Thank you, this forum is actually best thing I've done since I began my SH issues so I'm glad I've have come across it. It's not nice to know other are suffering as I am but it's a relief to know I'm not alone if you get what I mean.
 
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