• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

long term clinic

V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
I've just had a long chat with my psychiatrist and although she was very sweet and even called me sweetheart the outcome is not very good.

Since taking the clozapine in tablets instead of a drink the amount in my blood has gone down drastically even though it's the same dose. I swore to her that I am not spitting them out I let her check my bag that I'm not keeping them for an overdose and eventually she decided to up the dose and see what my blood results will be when I'm on 700mg. She nearly put me back on the drink which is disgusting.

She wants to send me to a long term therapy clinic which has a waiting list of six months and you stay there for up to two years, sectioned. She believes they can help me in therapy with my traumas. That means I can't go to uni in September. It means I could be sectioned for a maximum of another 2,5 years.

She says I'm deteriorating since taking the clozapine in tablets. And after the suicide attempt this weekend she has decided to keep me on 1-1 and no more escorted walking outside.

This all is a lot to take in.
Thanks for reading it all and please can someone help me.
I'm so confused.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
Let it all happen. It is perhaps better to have intensive support now than to relapse on and off for the next ten years. I know it doesn't feel like it but you are very lucky, maybe that is the wrong word, but it is very good news. many people are discharged quickly, many never are admitted and spend their life in a&e and being treated badly by cmht and crisis services. Let it happen. It is an opportunity to work on yourself. To rest and talk. Keep making plans for the future but there is no time limit. I think you have ten years on your previous qualification but I might be wrong. Ten years to get to uni from last study. I'm so pleased you are being helped.
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
I think Golden is giving some good advice, and I'm happy for you. Going to University when you're not really well enough wouldn't have helped you, and it sounds like they are trying to give you every opportunity to come to terms with things. It is better than being in and out of a&e, or trying to live without support. University will still be there when you come out. Hoping for all the best for you vik.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Thanks for the replies, Golden and Kerome.
I have experienced what it's like going in and out of A&E when I lived in the UK and it's true, that that's very undesirable.

But I don't feel ill other than depressed and once the meds kick in I'll probably feel a lot better. I don't want help at the moment. I want to do things my way and I just don't want to be in hospital for so long. I've been here for four months already.

I want to be discharged... I don't want to be locked up anymore. I don't want to go through traumas and drag things from the past up.

I don't know if I want to go to Becky or to uni but both are made impossible. That really upsets me.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
When the meds kick in you will be better in terms of depression but you will not be better I'm fairly certain based on my own experience. Listen to your Dr. It is very rare that I would tell someone to listen to their Dr!
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Why will I not be better? What problem will I still have? And why is it rare for you to say listen to your Dr?
Sorry for so many questions.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
I have bipolar disorder. I always have since I left school. It is medicated now but the difficult times I have had over the years, mostly the way people have reacted to me, the suicide attempts, much much more. So much I can't even think about never mind write, it has affected me. I'm trying to put myself back together but I'm scared mentally. It is going to take time to recover. If a psychiatrist thinks you need years of intensive support as an inpatient, you must be very ill as well as very, what is the right word? Broken, traumatised, not coping, scarred, damaged emotionally.

I don't care about diagnoses Viktoria but people do not escape reality unless they are very unhappy. People don't want to die all the time for no reason. A tablet will not magic that away and your psychiatrist knows this. She is scared for your life and your future. I think she wants to give you a chance at life and wants you to do it as soon as possible so you can start to live a happy life.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Thanks Golden. It just seems so long a road to follow. I want to be free but my freedom has been taken away and that hurts.
I'm so depressed and sad. I don't even know what to write at the moment. Maybe later.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
The road is about 88 years long. That's a long time. There is nothing wrong with spending a bit of that time in hospital.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
But the days go so slow... And I'm so bored. I'm not allowed to play guitar anymore because I'm not allowed in my room. I'm not allowed to go for a walk, I'm not allowed to go to creative therapy or sports. I have to stay on the ward. I can't do this anymore I'm so done with being locked up. I'm just depressed that's all and now they want to send me to a clinic where I have to go and drag the past up. I don't want to think about the past, I'm not interested.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
I'm sure in therapy you can just talk about neutral things. It's maybe not about bringing up the past but talking about the present and future? I'm sure that is acceptable to them.

Creative therapies will certainly be involved. I may not be in hospital but I feel like I am. Nice meals, no pressure, creative groups, writing and reading, talking to a counsellor only over the phone anonymously. Baths, cream, tv, walks. The difference is getting out shopping and having time where you can forget it all. I get that it'll kinda be in your face 24/7 but the alternative might be suicide.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
But you get therapy to get over traumas... It's not certain I'm going to that hospital though. The psych is hesitating.

I'm allowed in my room again with 15 minute check ups and if all goes well I'm allowed to go for walks again Thursday.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
Not all trauma therapy involves retelling. Many never tell. You will never be forced to tell. They are not allowed to do that. The whole point is to stop you trying to harm yourself I'm sure.
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Okay I thought it was about retelling what you've been through.

I feel terribly low. I want answers. Am I staying here, going to this clinic, look for a house, study in UK. I can't handle not knowing what my future entails. But I have to be patient... It's killing me.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
Go day by day. That must stick in your mind. I'm going to logout soon and I don't remember my password but just wanted to speak to you first. Whatever is ahead of you you will cope.

Always remember the good people you have met in real life or on here. Remember that they must care about you to have talked with you. Your goi
od soul attracted us to you. Your good heart shone through your words and pain and I read it all and knew you were a special person

Remember you are a good person.

Repeat: I did nothing wrong. (That helps me)

Senses: touch taste smell sound see. The world around you will pull you through anything.

Self care

Coping strategies: nature and creativity.

Diet: eat well and drink water. Avoid smoking and alcohol. Drink will make you feel shit. Make you ill.

People: just a few mins a day we need to be with someone.

Others: ask other people questions about themselves.

Dreams: write a list of what you want to do in the future.

There is no rush. Slow and steady wins the race.

Rest

Rest

Rest

Rest

Love yourself.

Trust your instincts

Don't try to please others or worry what they think of you

Forgive but don't forget


With very much love and respect

Golden

P.S Thank you for helping me.
 
Top