Long; harassed but no solid evidence. Panic attacks.

[Keepswimming14]

Hi everyone!

This is a longer post, so if you have the time to read it and provide support or advice, I’d be ever so grateful!

I am in my mid 20s, and I met a guy online that lives states away from me. We started to talk via texting shortly after messaging in April, and I’d do anything to go back and not give him my number.

I will say, at first, I thought, hey, he’s pretty cool. He likes what I do so far, and he’s fun to talk to. We flirted, and got a little frisky via texting only.

Then, one night, I simply didn’t want to get frisky. And this upset him. He was suddenly “anxious” and upset.

Red flag. I told him I didn’t want to continue talking that way. He stopped.

Then he did other things, like get angry when I didn’t want to watch something at the same time as him. Once lockdowns lifted, I started to see friends, and he was mad if I wasn’t home by a certain time. He also sent me a picture of a map, NEAR MY HOUSE.

So I told him I didn’t like him like that, didn’t want a relationship, and didn‘t want him to visit me. We never even talked on the phone, by the way.

He assumed it was the distance, made me answer if I would have gone on a date with him if he met me in person.

Maybe you’re thinking... block him! But according to him, he has a huge job that focuses on computers. I became afraid he’d stalk me, do something to my phone, or the like.

I became paranoid and scared of angering him.

So I let it go as friends.

Well he still can’t accept it. He texts me constantly. If I don’t answer within 30 minutes, he needs to know what I’m doing. He questions my every move. And lately, he has been hinting at sexual things trying to see if I’d talk like the old way, and he‘s also starting to ”like” everything I like... that he used not to. He’s getting the same food, doing the same hobbies, same shows, same routine.. everything.

i have anxiety. And now, I am suffering from daily panic attacks. DAILY. Paranoia. Depression. And I feel scared to pursue anyone else because he will become angry. It’s messing with my entire life.

I feel harassed and scared, yet he doesn’t say anything threatening. Just things that make me feel uncomfortable, like he knows my routine and reminds me. Makes me text him when I get to places. Always wants details on what I’m doing. He’s passive aggressive and gaslights me if I try to say something makes me uncomfortable... he says its silly of me.

I am going to seek counseling to help with this situation. But does anyone have advice on how to handle it and on how to manage my panic attacks? My paranoia, anxiety and depression are tied to the harassment of someone I never even met. It’s almost embarrassing anymore

 

[Zaz3]

I've never been in such a situation, but if I was, I'd not contact him anymore and change my number. His behaviour is very strange and not what you need in your life.

 

[Keepswimming14]

I've never been in such a situation, but if I was, I'd not contact him anymore and change my number. His behaviour is very strange and not what you need in your life.

I think he found where I live and will track me down. That frightens me! Thank you for replying

 

[Zaz3]

Sorry I couldn't be of help to you. I hope it works itself out though and you can get some peace to enjoy your life. Best wishes.

 

[Keepswimming14]

Sorry I couldn't be of help to you. I hope it works itself out though and you can get some peace to enjoy your life. Best wishes.

I appreciate you taking the time to read it. Your advice is logical and I know it’s a great option. It’s just my fears getting in the way!

 

[Lavender_Rose]

Cancel your phone service and get a new one? Does he know what you look like or do you know what he looks like?

 

[Keepswimming14]

Cancel your phone service and get a new one? Does he know what you look like or do you know what he looks like?

Yes he knows what I look like, as I do him. My fear is if he knows where I live. Or will contact friends somehow. I know it’s silly . Thank you so much for replying!”

 

[Lavender_Rose]

Yes he knows what I look like, as I do him. My fear is if he knows where I live. Or will contact friends somehow. I know it’s silly . Thank you so much for replying!”

I get your fear. It would scare me too. His behavior is controlling though. If you told him to stay away and he still came near you then you could always call the police or file a restraint order if it ever came to that. Are you not wanting your friends to know about him?

 

[Lavender_Rose]

I would definitely stop giving him any specific details about where you go or about where you live. The less he know the better especially if your afraid he might find out where you live.

 

[EdEd]

I would definitely just change my number and move on with a more peaceful and happy life. Pretty much what every one else is saying too..

 

[Keepswimming14]

I would definitely stop giving him any specific details about where you go or about where you live. The less he know the better especially if your afraid he might find out where you live.

I definitely have! I used to be pretty open but now I lie about my daily whereabouts, not that I should even have to tell him. I told a few friends, but I do tend to get the block him talk. My problem is I’m scared of retaliation. I feel very stuck in my fears!

 

[Lavender_Rose]

I definitely have! I used to be pretty open but now I lie about my daily whereabouts, not that I should even have to tell him. I told a few friends, but I do tend to get the block him talk. My problem is I’m scared of retaliation. I feel very stuck in my fears!

I would guess he using your fear. I know it easy to just say this is what to do. So if it easier maybe take baby steps of cutting him off? Maybe this will seem like a goal you can reach. This might ease you stress but it also making progress towards a goal of getting him out of your life. Maybe set the goal of i won't answer immediately, lengthen the time. Whatever goals feel good to you.

 

[Nukelavee]

Tell him he's being a creepy stalker, and to leave you alone.

Look up how to deal with cyber stalking,and what your legal options are.

 

[EdEd]

You could send him a cease and desist letter... it could go something like this:

Dear (Name here)

This CEASE AND DESIST LETTER is to inform you that your harassing and intimidating actions against me
has become unbearable. Such anti-social behavior is completely unacceptable and will not be tolerated in any way,
shape or form. This letter is to demand that your harassment and intimidation must CEASE AND DESIST immediately. Should
you continue to pursue these activities in violation of this CEASE AND DESIST LETTER, I will not hesitate to
pursue further legal action against you, including, but not limited to, civil action and/or criminal complaints.

Please note that I have a right to remain free from your intimidating tactics, and I will take the responsibility
upon myself to protect that right. Note that a copy of this letter and a record of its delivery will be stored.
Note too that it is admissible as evidence in a court of law and will be used as such if need be in the future.

This CEASE AND DESIST LETTER demands that you immediately discontinue and do not at any point in the future under any
circumstances do the following to me:, speak to, contact, pursue, harass, attack, strike, bump into, brush up against,push, tap, grab, hold, threaten, telephone, (via cellular or landline), instant message, page, fax, email, follow,
stalk, shadow, disturb my peace, keep me under surveillance, gather information about and/or block my movements at
home, work, social gatherings or religious functions , or in public.

Is a simple cease and desist letter if you decide to send it ..screen shot that he received this letter.. like the message you sent.. it works good within the USA.. if things become to much for you this letter shows that you were asking him to Cease and Desist.. and is very useful legally.

 

[EdEd]

I've used this letter a few times in the past and its effective by itself. Served its purpose.