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long good story

P

passionfruit3

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Joined
Nov 30, 2014
Messages
7
Hello everyone this will be my first post here.you can call me tiara.ive been dealing with depression since I was fourteen. My disorder would be something you may or may not have heard of. Its called conversion disorder.when I was fourteen my mother and father often got into crazy confrontations with my older sister. My reaction was to scream and cry from seeing what was going on.id be shaking and unable to stop and when I did stop I couldn't move.at first for a short period of time then longer . after one fight when I wasn't able to walk after a few minutes I was taken to the er where the doctors couldnt find any reason for my symptoms I was sent to a neurologist who said I had a conversion disorder and sent wih me, in a very grumpy mood about my diagnosis, to a therapist. I was told the same thing by the therapist that the neurologist told me.my stress had manifested itself physically and had attacked my body.i wasnt necessarily faking my symptoms were real but there was a mental cause for it.as time went on my symptoms got worse.i lost the ability to walk, to move, to hold things with my hands even to lift my neck.i was either in a wheelchair or walker.the stress at home worsened my condition I became suicidal and depressed.i was hearing voices hospitalized repeatedly and becoming quite violent at home. I remember once drawing pictures of how id do it and now that I look back I realize the best decision my parents made was moving away from that house.ive seen small changes though im still depressed and at times suicidal.my voices are less bothersome with meds and my symptoms of my conversion disorder are more manageable.
Now my current problems are simply trying to find a purpose in this life . suicide is a big issue for me especially cause I feel im not at a spot were I want to be its hard when your siblings habe been in relationships, are going to college, and habe worked.they have friends and I only have a small few.i know it's not good to compare yourself to other people but it is not easy, im just scared of being alone and unable to fend for myself.
Ive been diagnosed with bipolar but I don't believe it for a second before I was diagnosed with psychotic depression and borderline personality disorder which I still believe is my actual diagnosis its just I act a little crazy in hospitals so im supposedly bipolar bull crap.
Sorry I wrote so much guess all this is my way of saying hi
 
Q

Quickduck

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Nov 24, 2014
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Hi passionfruit3/tiara and :welcome: to the forum. I hope you enjoy posting here. :)
Haven't encountered conversion disorder before, sounds interesting. :hug:
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
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Welcome passionfruit :welcome:

Sounds like you've had a very rough time of it, I hope you find it helpful and supportive here x
 
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