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loneliness

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bpd2020

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Joined
May 25, 2020
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1,865
Location
England
I am so lucky to have my partner and a good friend however, I still feel lonely. My friend is so lovely that she has a lot of other friends. My partner is wonderful but he too has an active social life. I just struggle with feeling lonely. If I am not distracting myself constantly then I feel very alone. I am very bad at small talk or holding a conversation which does not help either.
 
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Blackrose09

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2020
Messages
336
Location
Somewhere
I'm very sorry you feel lonely. I just don't know how to help but I really think you are a wonderful person and don't deserve to be lonely. You need more friends. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can hold a conversation.

Hope some people will help you here soon
We care about you, you helped us.
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
738
Location
United States
I don't have to many people I talk to either. But I think I find myself more and more just preferring my own company. Do you not feel like you having good conversations when you talk with your friend and partner? Sometimes it's not a lack of interaction it the lack of meaningful interaction that can make you feel more lonely. I also have a few pets and the fact that I enjoy alone time but still have a presence like that around is comforting.
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

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Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
3,462
Location
USA
Sometimes it's not a lack of interaction it the lack of meaningful interaction that can make you feel more lonely.
^this!! that's how I feel too. that's why I use forums and other online forms of communication...it's too bad really, as I keep worrying how it's affecting my physical health. :/
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,865
Location
England
I'm very sorry you feel lonely. I just don't know how to help but I really think you are a wonderful person and don't deserve to be lonely. You need more friends. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can hold a conversation.

Hope some people will help you here soon
We care about you, you helped us.
Thank you for your kind words. You helped me to feel better.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,865
Location
England
I don't have to many people I talk to either. But I think I find myself more and more just preferring my own company. Do you not feel like you having good conversations when you talk with your friend and partner? Sometimes it's not a lack of interaction it the lack of meaningful interaction that can make you feel more lonely. I also have a few pets and the fact that I enjoy alone time but still have a presence like that around is comforting.
I do have meaningful interaction. Feeling empty and lonely is how people with bpd feel. It just feels overwhelming at times. I think it is lovely you prefer your own company.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
I am so lucky to have my partner and a good friend however, I still feel lonely. My friend is so lovely that she has a lot of other friends. My partner is wonderful but he too has an active social life. I just struggle with feeling lonely. If I am not distracting myself constantly then I feel very alone. I am very bad at small talk or holding a conversation which does not help either.
What does "very bad" mean? What exactly do you DO that makes you bad at it?

Distraction only really helps in the short term. In the long term you never tolerate feeling misery and that isn't helpful. At the same time what can you DO that's different? If you don't change then everything stays the same. YOu need a plan of what to do to manage this.
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,865
Location
England
What does "very bad" mean? What exactly do you DO that makes you bad at it?

Distraction only really helps in the short term. In the long term you never tolerate feeling misery and that isn't helpful. At the same time what can you DO that's different? If you don't change then everything stays the same. YOu need a plan of what to do to manage this.
By very bad I mean I never know what to say and I am so boring I have nothing to contribute. I have no idea what I can do differently. I have had this feeling forever.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
By very bad I mean I never know what to say and I am so boring I have nothing to contribute. I have no idea what I can do differently. I have had this feeling forever.
Is that based on evidence or something you feel? has anyone flat out said you are boring? Can you not rehearse what you may say in a situation? The fact is you can act opposite to your urges ( to avoid ) and desensitise yourself to the beliefs and anxiety they provoke or you can stay miserable. Its a painful choice but a choice nonetheless.

It seems your BELIEFS about these things may be getting in the way more than your actual inability to do these things. But if you don't change something you can just stay unhappy and that is also ok. As blunt as that sounds!
 
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bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
1,865
Location
England
Is that based on evidence or something you feel? has anyone flat out said you are boring? Can you not rehearse what you may say in a situation? The fact is you can act opposite to your urges ( to avoid ) and desensitise yourself to the beliefs and anxiety they provoke or you can stay miserable. Its a painful choice but a choice nonetheless.

It seems your BELIEFS about these things may be getting in the way more than your actual inability to do these things. But if you don't change something you can just stay unhappy and that is also ok. As blunt as that sounds!
Yes, I have been told I am boring. I do think of things to say but I have nothing to contribute. I understand what you are saying about sitting with the feeling but I feel empty almost 100% of the time so I cannot just do nothing.You say to change something. I am having therapy. I do not know what else I can do.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
What type of therapy if you don't mind me asking?
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
163
Location
UK
Ah ok. I would prefer DBT just cos that's VERY change based. But if its doing the trick :)
 
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