I feel like I don't want to hang on to life anymore. No matter how many friends i have, it's living alone, and being surrounded by families in the flats around me which is hurting. I feel lost. My parents live overseas, my siblings have their own lives. I feel at this point that if I keep doing the same things, staying here, I will always be alone. It took my years to fall in love with someone, I don't find it that easy to meet men I am really attracted to, and the last thing I need is to look for someone new, when it keeps ending, it is soul destoying, in a literal sense. I feel trapped in my life. I want to just leave evertything behind, but I don't know where to go. Much as I hate being alive, I would also never hurt my family. So I feel trapped in living as much as anything. What I want to do is close my eyes, hide from people and noise, just evaporate.