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Loneliness makes me want to give up

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nancys

Active member
Joined
Feb 28, 2015
Messages
37
I feel like I don't want to hang on to life anymore. No matter how many friends i have, it's living alone, and being surrounded by families in the flats around me which is hurting. I feel lost. My parents live overseas, my siblings have their own lives. I feel at this point that if I keep doing the same things, staying here, I will always be alone. It took my years to fall in love with someone, I don't find it that easy to meet men I am really attracted to, and the last thing I need is to look for someone new, when it keeps ending, it is soul destoying, in a literal sense. I feel trapped in my life. I want to just leave evertything behind, but I don't know where to go. Much as I hate being alive, I would also never hurt my family. So I feel trapped in living as much as anything. What I want to do is close my eyes, hide from people and noise, just evaporate.
 
naominash

naominash

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Mar 26, 2016
Messages
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Location
North Carolina
Is there anyway you can find friends? It could be a support group, a club, or a meetup started online.

An exercise group can provide friends and an outlet to negative emotions.

I'm sorry you hate being alive. You are brave to keep going for the sake of your family, even though you don't want to.

I feel kind of lost too. You're not alone. But each day you make it through is another win.

What are your goals? What are your hopes and dreams?

I hope you get them.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
I'm chronically and painfully lonely too. I come form an abusive family so seeing other happy families makes me cry. I don't know if I will ever be with a man. I am starting to want to though, but. I am sorry you feel this way. P.m. me if you want.
 
N

nancys

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Joined
Feb 28, 2015
Messages
37
I have friends, and I appreciate them. It's that I'm in my 40s, on my own again after a recent relationship break up, and feeling that I cannot keep going if I am going to spend most of my life single. Friends don't make up for the security of a relationship, the feeling that you have someone to hold you and make you safe. I just feel tired, I don't have hope anymore. I just think I am in the wrong place. I need to start again, this is too difficult.
 
N

nancys

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Feb 28, 2015
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I am sorry that you have been through so much sadness. I hope you are getting some support to deal with your past. x
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Thank you Nancys
I hope we both get what we need and soon! :hug1:
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
Loneliness is the 21st Century disease.

We are all so isolated

I was very lonely too but then I started making a job of reaching out

I knew a lady who was going through a very hard time with a dying mum; I reached out to support her

not to salve Myself; but because I could see all her long term friends had basically deserted her, to cope alone

Reach out, is my advice. There is someone next door or down the road feeling just as isolated.

Its a very difficult emotion. My therapist told me. One of the hardest to cope with because it feeds into Self Hatred.

Don't let it. our society is falling apart. 100 years ago you would live in the same village all your life, now everything is Anonymous and has to Look Fabulous for Fakebook.

No wonder we all feel so inferior.

But we're not.

Helping someone is super good for your self esteem and sense of connection. Volunteering in a cause you care about can change your life.

Just what ive found.

Hope this helps

BDU
 
naominash

naominash

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Messages
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Location
North Carolina
I have friends, and I appreciate them. It's that I'm in my 40s, on my own again after a recent relationship break up, and feeling that I cannot keep going if I am going to spend most of my life single. Friends don't make up for the security of a relationship, the feeling that you have someone to hold you and make you safe. I just feel tired, I don't have hope anymore. I just think I am in the wrong place. I need to start again, this is too difficult.
I get what you mean. Even though I'm in what many would consider to be a bad marriage, I put up with a lot just to not be alone. But isn't that wrong?

I'm conflicted.

I would argue that being single is better than being in a bad relationship.

I just don't feel that way in my emotions sometimes.
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

Guest
Good points. I should volunteer when my foot gets better! :mrgreen:
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
I get what you mean. Even though I'm in what many would consider to be a bad marriage, I put up with a lot just to not be alone. But isn't that wrong?

I'm conflicted.

I would argue that being single is better than being in a bad relationship.

I just don't feel that way in my emotions sometimes.
change is the SECOND hardest thing for humans to deal with, ironically

number 1. is loneliness

number 2 is Change - even if its Good Change it sends your emotional vulnerability off the scale.

put these two together - its no wonder people stay in less than ideal relationships. Its SCARY to do anything else.
 
N

nancys

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Feb 28, 2015
Messages
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Hi Naomi. I have been single more than in relationships and it is incredibly lonely. In the last one, he had just come out of a bad marriage, and bounced out of a break in our relationship into another relationship in a couple of weeks. When I asked him why, he said "I can't be alone." I scoffed at him, felt proud that I have always managed being alone. But it becomes self-fulfilling, if you are mostly along you don't compromise. Weeks after the break up and I am not coping, I want to give up. We had some problems, but like him, I would now say that a bad relationship is so much better than this awful loneliness. I can say that with confidence as I have been in both situations. Am punishing myself for not hanging on to him, as he said, he would have stayed if I hadn't opened the door. As we get older, it isn't that easy to find decent mates, though he managed very quickly. If the rest of my life is single, I don't want it.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
Messages
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I think as we age different things become more important

when youre younger you might be looking for sex appeal or a good dad

when you get older its less about careers and kids and more about kindness and compatibility.

I would say I never suffered loneliness at all until I became mentally ill; or maybe it was the reverse

I never ever used to feel lonely as a single mum; I do now as an Empty Nester.

BUT. I never want to live with a man ever again and my single friends feel the same way. We are all about 50 so don't NEED them as such.

Also I was very lonely when I was unhappily married. Very much because you are keeping up a façade for others as well as for yourself.

Learning to love and trust and like and enjoy your own company is a skill that will get you through just about anything

relying on or waiting for someone else to give you that, a recipe for disaster. IMHO.
 
N

nancys

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Feb 28, 2015
Messages
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BDU I agree with most of what you, about Loneliness being a 21st Century Disease, isolation, fake book, they are all killing humanity. I left a fantastic and exciting job as I found the environment, everyone staring at a computer screen, incredibly isolating...it didn't help that I had suddenly found myself alone again and was waking up crying every day. I have volunteered in the past, and agree that it helps, but my instinct tells me that i need to not be living in the busy and anonymous city I was born in and still live in. The noise, the sense that you either sink or swim, it doesnt feel right anymore. I yearn for peace, less people, maybe work in a more natural environment. I have a lot of healing to do. But I don't know if I have the courage to walk away from a situation and circumstances which have killed my soul, and I don't know where this mythical place is and if I am just being idealistic. I hope not, because hope is the thing which I am hanging on to.
 
N

nancys

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Feb 28, 2015
Messages
37
Yes, I have been mostly single, and am also childless, so I know all about learning to enjoy my own company, I am one of those odd women in her mid-40s who's never been married or had kids, so didn't have a choice but to . But there gets to be a point when playing the happy singleton, and pretending that it's o.k, is too much. My last relationship caused me a lot of pain, but having had that person to share life with, being alone yet again has hit me like a ton of bricks. When it happened to me 10 years ago in my 30s, just at the point when I desperately needed to build a nest and have a baby, I nearly died. Having got through 9 years without a significant other, and seen my child-producing years slip away, I was just happy to have affection, a companion. Losing that again, well, I feel like I am back in the same awful place I was 10 years ago. I am not a home owner, I have tried to be self-sufficient, build my own security, but I failed. Feeling that there isn't much to hang on to as a result.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,161
BDU I agree with most of what you, about Loneliness being a 21st Century Disease, isolation, fake book, they are all killing humanity. I left a fantastic and exciting job as I found the environment, everyone staring at a computer screen, incredibly isolating...it didn't help that I had suddenly found myself alone again and was waking up crying every day. I have volunteered in the past, and agree that it helps, but my instinct tells me that i need to not be living in the busy and anonymous city I was born in and still live in. The noise, the sense that you either sink or swim, it doesnt feel right anymore. I yearn for peace, less people, maybe work in a more natural environment. I have a lot of healing to do. But I don't know if I have the courage to walk away from a situation and circumstances which have killed my soul, and I don't know where this mythical place is and if I am just being idealistic. I hope not, because hope is the thing which I am hanging on to.
sounds as though you need a Major Life Change

ironically that knowledge can FREEZE you because of the C word (Change) which terrifies us all

for me I knew things had to change but then I froze unable to cope, deal, change positively or react well at all. :(

please make some plans as to how you want your future to look

if a cute cottage in the hills is your dream, you have a Future

I lost even that hope because I froze; you still have it sounds like.

Baby steps. Is the key. Keep moving forward to that goal even if todays step is gluing together a Dream Board.

my advice !
 
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