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Loneliness is driving me insane...

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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Exactly! People rush into making unrefined judgements way too quickly and I have no doubts this prevents many good potential friendships from even walking their first steps. I think that I have a decent sense of humour but I'm not the kind of person who squeezes little jokes here and there into almost every sentence I make for personality enhancement purposes, its really not my style. For me, its all about timings and evaluating what each section of a given conversation needs the most in order to proceed with a positive note and this requires me to get serious and assertive at times. When I see a good opportunity for a well placed joke then I'll take it but I don't make an effort to force anything that I don't see fit for the instance.

And of course, there are certain types of jokes and expressions I will only expose at those who I have a good level of knowledge and trust on for the sake of not hammering anyone's feelings or self esteem. My efforts to approach people who are unknown to me follows the lines of a down to Earth, composed and humble person for a matter of respect and consideration for those around me, yet over on the spaces I've been interacting at, it seems like people are more interested on those who joke all the time and make trivial small talk their main conversational asset.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
It has been my observation that with any new group of people I join in person, they don't make an effort to make me welcome or integrate me into the group. It has always required active effort on my part to approach and talk to people. Otherwise I'm just fairly isolated. Maybe it's something about me that screams 'unsociable!!' :)
I'm not btw, I'm very personable. Talk to me, you'll like me I'm sure!

I agree, building friendships isn't just about fun and jokes, but that's the way most people get comfortable with each other. If you can't communicate in that mode straight off, not because you lack a sense of humour, but because you are extremely anxious and self-conscious, then you're going to struggle. As I mentioned before, most people make a snap judgement on you within the first few seconds. First impressions are important!
I'm already liking you quite a bit to be honest! You seem like just the type of person I get along the best with.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I think that I have a decent sense of humour but I'm not the kind of person who squeezes little jokes here and there into almost every sentence
I think that's actually a defence mechanism a lot of the time, and people are fearful of being thought of as 'boring'. Not everyone's like that.
I can't actually communicate with my brother, because he has to use a wisecrack in every sentence. Everything's a joke. Kind of gets very wearing, and I can't keep up that sort of conversation.
With me, I initially appear quiet and reserved, but as I get to know people and loosen up, then I can start to joke with people. If I'm joking with you, that means I'm *really* comfortable talking to you.
Getting through that initial barrier of anxiousness can be difficult though.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
I totally agree, in my case though, my social fears lean more towards being perceived as a twat or a guy who's trying too hard to be cool and funny than boring. I don't like using this word since its a bit hollow in meaning but for a lack of a better terminology I'll have to go with it, so a lot of those very awkward people who throw jokes all the time and lack a proper self awareness filter made me cringe and I felt frustrated and discouraged to keep engaging with them, much to my own sorrow. Its an excess of immaturity I'm unable to adapt into and by no means I could adopt such posture just so that those people would pay me more care.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
As a result, I would get involuntarily outcasted which is a real shame because I do relate with the core concept behind said community yet the way the material is tackled leaves a lot to be desired for me. In the end, I'll turn into an easily irritable and bitter person from being overwhelmed with so much frustration and this is not at all the kind of person I want to become.
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
437
It is true, Cervam, one needs much more than just an online community. But it can be helpful to find and share with people that may have a better understanding of mental illness from first hand experience. It's helpful to know there are others in the world fighting the same battles and experiencing some of the same difficulties as myself.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Indeed, communities such as this one are a great tool for us to expose and clarify our mental struggles amongst people who have a clear picture of what we're talking about and won't judge a book for its cover. They are also a good reminder that none of us is fighting an unique battle and there are some common traits and characteristics between what we and many other people around the world are dealing with on a regular basis.
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
437
Yes, there is nothing that any individual is experiencing that hasn't already been experienced by many others. It's just helpful to be in touch with those who have experienced mental illness problems, because they are the only ones who can understand what you are talking about and experiencing. Others have no idea whatsoever. I hope you are doing ok. You are in my thoughts. All the best to you.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Thank you! I'm doing alright so far, drawing has been distracting my mind and preventing certain nefarious thoughts from assuming control of it. Not the most exciting activity to take part on but it does suit the goal of distress relieving endeavours. I post my art online but its not getting any real feedback...oh well, got to find my dopamine rushes somewhere else, need to keep myself distracted.
 
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JCPraha

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2018
Messages
437
That is good for you! Anything that helps and draws your attention away from negative thoughts is a good thing.
 
C

CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
I've posted a good amount of my most recent drawings online yet I can't seem to get any proper feedback on them. I have no ambitions of gaining any kind of mass following or having people say wonders about my works, realistically speaking, I'm pretty average when it comes to artistic talent so can't expect miracles but when literally no one bothers enough to write one comment, as short and meaningless as it might be, I only get an increased sense that what I do really is utterly futile.
 
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JCPraha

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Aug 27, 2018
Messages
437
Gaining attention to art work, is super difficult. If it makes you feel better when doing it, and helps you focus your mind on something that precludes painful or negative thoughts, then it is worthwhile.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Well, I've seen plenty of artistic work around my ability level get all kinds of feedback so I find it strange that my stuff gets absolutely nothing whatsoever. Honestly I was very much hoping for it from the point I began reviving my interest towards drawing since seeing something you invested a good amount of commitment and time on get some recognition brings a very rewarding and uplifting feeling while also transmitting the message that you're actually doing something right for once...I'm really craving that feel for a change.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Everything feels meaningless to me if I'm the only one actually caring or taking part in it. Doing any kind of activity alone won't help with loneliness and sooner or later, as its happening to me at this point, we'll start losing interest in pretty much everything. When someone is feeling lonely to a certain extent, there won't be such thing as solitude.

I walk laps around my home frequently simply because I don't know what else to do in order to break this excruciatingly melancholic cycle.
 
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