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Loneliness is driving me insane...

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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Hello everyone, I'm back here after leaving some months ago due to not feeling like this place was legitimately having a positive impact on my overall mental health but as a matter of fact, it doesn't seems like medication or therapy sessions are able to do it either. I dread my existence on this planet mostly from how terribly isolated I feel in a psychological setting towards other human beings as if connecting and bonding at a deeper and more meaningful level in the social relationships spectrum is an impossibility for me. Sooner or later all those supposed friendships I get invested in will fall apart and there doesn't seem to be anything at my reach that can be done in order to prevent this from occurring.

Its immensely hard for me to develop a relieving and morale boosting sense that anything in this live is mean't to go well for me in the long run when the failures and disappointments continuously pile up and barely any relevant positive events are fulfilled to balance things out. What some may see as a positive scenario might not be perceived in a similar manner by me and this does appear to be often the case.

People who aren't familiar with major psychological disturbances probably underestimate how devastating long term loneliness can be for the mind, its like an acid which slowly corrodes our system and renders our ability to enjoy life into a futile desire instead of a natural built in mechanism within our brain.
 
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goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
407
I ruin my relationships too. I get stressed when interacting with people. People try to give me a chance. I seem to get along good with animals. Sometimes I can make a relationship work a bit by faking being calm. Sometimes I work on broken relationship and am happy with what life provides me. I cant think of any advice
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
I ruin my relationships too. I get stressed when interacting with people. People try to give me a chance. I seem to get along good with animals. Sometimes I can make a relationship work a bit by faking being calm. Sometimes I work on broken relationship and am happy with what life provides me. I cant think of any advice
I do get stressed too at times as well as frustrated when I feel like people aren't showing any real interest in interacting with me which happens more often than not. Like you, I also get along quite nicely with animals so no wonder I'm passionate about them and nature as a whole.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
Sooner or later all those supposed friendships I get invested in will fall apart and there doesn't seem to be anything at my reach that can be done in order to prevent this from occurring.
I initially wondered why you thought this was happening, and from your follow up post you say that people aren't showing any real interest in interacting with you.
Maybe you're setting the bar too high. What are your expectations?
I only have one person in my life (outside my immediate family) who I'd call a real friend. All other people, I speak to on a superficial level. They never get in touch for socialising. All my life I've found it hard to make friends. I couldn't name one person from my childhood who I remain in contact with. In fact those people were mostly complete bastards towards me. But childhood years are notoriously difficult.

People who aren't familiar with major psychological disturbances probably underestimate how devastating long term loneliness can be for the mind, its like an acid which slowly corrodes our system and renders our ability to enjoy life into a futile desire instead of a natural built in mechanism within our brain.
Extremely well put, I like your style. You're absolutely correct, loneliness is mentally corrosive, and very damaging. I believe everyone, no matter how socially anxious they are, need some kind of human contact.

I hope you can find some connection on this forum, or at least convince you that you're not alone with your difficulties. Feel free to reach out to me personally, or create more threads to discuss. I find this forum very comforting in many ways.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
I initially wondered why you thought this was happening, and from your follow up post you say that people aren't showing any real interest in interacting with you.
Maybe you're setting the bar too high. What are your expectations?
I only have one person in my life (outside my immediate family) who I'd call a real friend. All other people, I speak to on a superficial level. They never get in touch for socialising. All my life I've found it hard to make friends. I couldn't name one person from my childhood who I remain in contact with. In fact those people were mostly complete bastards towards me. But childhood years are notoriously difficult.



Extremely well put, I like your style. You're absolutely correct, loneliness is mentally corrosive, and very damaging. I believe everyone, no matter how socially anxious they are, need some kind of human contact.

I hope you can find some connection on this forum, or at least convince you that you're not alone with your difficulties. Feel free to reach out to me personally, or create more threads to discuss. I find this forum very comforting in many ways.
My expectations are set around the concept of having the other individual invest nearly as much effort and display a similar pattern of care as me towards the mutual interactions we're having. So basically, not being just me pulling the strings on a conversation by repeatedly adding new elements into it while the person on the other side limits themselves to virtually offering direct responses to those imputs I gave as if I'm doing an interview.

Right now, I'm not sure I can call anyone who isn't a close family member, a real friend. For a long time, my social life has been mostly made out of superficial acquaintances and shaky friendships, mainly online based ones that quickly get exposed as thin skinned when I see just as little as those people actually care for my presence. It really hurted on those scarce situations where I genuinely believed that there was a strong connection between me and the other individual after a considerable period of frequent weekly conversations only to eventually figure out this was a pitiful lie I indulged on to make myself feel more valued and less lonely.

Thank you very much for reaching out, it feels good to be understood and respected without any rushed and faulty judgements and hollow accusations from those who aren't on par with what's going on inside my head.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I know what you mean about that apparent strong connection with people online. I've invested a lot of time and believed I'd built up such relationships, only to find that it was all a sham. Just goes to show that truly connecting with people takes more than a few words typed in emails, or on a forum. And it turns out that a lot of forum 'buddies' I've seen, actually know each other in real life.

But it really depends on how you define 'caring' about someone. Nobody here knows me personally. Why would they be interested in me, or care about my welfare? They certainly don't care about me in the same way that my family do. And if people I know in real life do seem to care, it's because I can do something for them. Sorry, but I'm getting quite cynical as I get older.

As for your conversation experience, maybe you're just not talking to the right people? And you never know, the other person could have their own issues/anxieties to deal with. Maybe they aren't good at conversation. Maybe you just don't 'click' with them. I try to understand what types of people I feel most comfortable talking to. I have a pretty good idea of the kind of people I don't get on with. But I've pretty much accepted that 99.9% of the people I come into contact with are very superficial relationships.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
Its true that everyone has their own issues in life, some more apparent and debilitating than others and some of the people I came in contact with in the last couple years, particularly online, were also experiencing pretty intense struggles. I do try to take all that into consideration when engaging with them but ultimately it gets to a point where if they aren't showing a certain degree of interest in sharing their time with me, I'll feel forced towards simply pulling away in order to spare myself from the frustration this situation brings me since I don't want to end up saying something I shouldn't as my anger and annoyance must be kept silent whenever possible.

The internet provides the opportunity to specifically search for and find people who share certain traits and/or interests in common with us quickly and effortlessly, all it takes are a few buttom presses and clicks so when we are dealing with low self esteem, motivation and energy levels, it becomes a lot more tempting to indulge on the easy route towards relevant human interactions instead of trying to find them on the real world. I did this exactly and went straight into the groups of people who I thought that would suit my ideals for the social bonding aspect I was eagerly looking for yet here I stand, well able to confirm that things really did not unfold as desired.

I think its fair to assume at this point that just like you, I'm also not mean't to click with the vast majority of people who cross my life path which honestly unravels a feeling of sadness loaded with desolation from the depths of my conscious mind.
 
white_nightshade

white_nightshade

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 21, 2019
Messages
146
Location
canada
I know what you mean about that apparent strong connection with people online. I've invested a lot of time and believed I'd built up such relationships, only to find that it was all a sham. Just goes to show that truly connecting with people takes more than a few words typed in emails, or on a forum. And it turns out that a lot of forum 'buddies' I've seen, actually know each other in real life.

But it really depends on how you define 'caring' about someone. Nobody here knows me personally. Why would they be interested in me, or care about my welfare? They certainly don't care about me in the same way that my family do. And if people I know in real life do seem to care, it's because I can do something for them. Sorry, but I'm getting quite cynical as I get older.

As for your conversation experience, maybe you're just not talking to the right people? And you never know, the other person could have their own issues/anxieties to deal with. Maybe they aren't good at conversation. Maybe you just don't 'click' with them. I try to understand what types of people I feel most comfortable talking to. I have a pretty good idea of the kind of people I don't get on with. But I've pretty much accepted that 99.9% of the people I come into contact with are very superficial relationships.
agree with this. the only time I've ever been able to hold a grudge was with a woman I met online. knew her for 2 years, she then ditched saying we'd never met in real life so weren't really friends to begin with.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
agree with this. the only time I've ever been able to hold a grudge was with a woman I met online. knew her for 2 years, she then ditched saying we'd never met in real life so weren't really friends to begin with.
That's quite an absurd excuse which surely was hiding something else under it. She couldn't be certain about the "never going to meet in real life" aspect when globalization and technological advancements have made long distance travelling relatively accessible for those who live in 1st world countries these days.

I try my hardest not to hold grudges at anyone since its hard enough to deal with my own self loathing tendencies and internal frustrations aimed at my person. I've met some pretty unpleasant people in the past during my online community surfing endeavours but only once I completely lost my head at one of them and to be fair, it felt good afterwards even though its quite draining for the mind. Being a raging monster isn't something I'll ever want to turn into so its my priority to stay as far away from trouble as possible.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
To be honest, many people in that particular community I was referencing suffer from a sizeable chunk of social ineptitude so perhaps I was a little too harsh.
 
sadpunchingbag

sadpunchingbag

Well-known member
Joined
May 29, 2019
Messages
1,399
Location
London
Hello everyone, I'm back here after leaving some months ago due to not feeling like this place was legitimately having a positive impact on my overall mental health but as a matter of fact, it doesn't seems like medication or therapy sessions are able to do it either. I dread my existence on this planet mostly from how terribly isolated I feel in a psychological setting towards other human beings as if connecting and bonding at a deeper and more meaningful level in the social relationships spectrum is an impossibility for me. Sooner or later all those supposed friendships I get invested in will fall apart and there doesn't seem to be anything at my reach that can be done in order to prevent this from occurring.

Its immensely hard for me to develop a relieving and morale boosting sense that anything in this live is mean't to go well for me in the long run when the failures and disappointments continuously pile up and barely any relevant positive events are fulfilled to balance things out. What some may see as a positive scenario might not be perceived in a similar manner by me and this does appear to be often the case.

People who aren't familiar with major psychological disturbances probably underestimate how devastating long term loneliness can be for the mind, its like an acid which slowly corrodes our system and renders our ability to enjoy life into a futile desire instead of a natural built in mechanism within our brain.
i tend to just cut people out when they do something that i dont like but i would not say its a problem everyone has a line i guess i cant comment i dont know you it seems like a complex issue
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I think its fair to assume at this point that just like you, I'm also not mean't to click with the vast majority of people who cross my life path which honestly unravels a feeling of sadness loaded with desolation from the depths of my conscious mind.
I think I understand. There are some times when I feel that way about it. I say some because most of the time, I prefer my own company. I actually find real-time conversation quite mentally draining. I observe the way people talk, and it's hard for me to emulate that. So for most of my life I've been quite seriously withdrawn from society.
It's a bit of a dilemma though, because I'm not a complete hermit. Sometimes I have more social energy and feel I could do something like go to the pub with someone I know. But because I don't have the capability (or maybe desire, if I'm honest) of maintaining strong friendships, they are never there when I need them.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
I think I understand. There are some times when I feel that way about it. I say some because most of the time, I prefer my own company. I actually find real-time conversation quite mentally draining. I observe the way people talk, and it's hard for me to emulate that. So for most of my life I've been quite seriously withdrawn from society.
It's a bit of a dilemma though, because I'm not a complete hermit. Sometimes I have more social energy and feel I could do something like go to the pub with someone I know. But because I don't have the capability (or maybe desire, if I'm honest) of maintaining strong friendships, they are never there when I need them.
I used to be entertained by my own company not that long ago, a time in which I could go several days without any proper human interactions and would not feel lonely as a result since I didn't crave them. Then out of nowhere, things radically changed and nowadays I find myself desperately wanting to have meaningful double entity conversations frequently and on their absence I'll become overwhelmed by sadness and mental unrest.

Maybe this is a consequence of the strong disliking I have towards my own person and that makes it very difficult to enjoy alone time. Perhaps I'm desperately looking for a way to make myself feel useful and worthy through the actions and words of someone else because I'm unable to compliment and encourage myself.
 
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CEVRAM

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2019
Messages
42
Location
Portugal
And if friends aren't there when we need them the most then they don't deserve such designation. From my experience, it looks as if many people out there are only looking for what they can take from others while not being willing to give nearly as much in return. They don't want actual friends, they want personal entertainers who can provide decent dosages of instant gratification whenever they seek it.
 
hicks

hicks

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Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
899
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
I think we all crave the acceptance and praise of others, to some extent. That's natural. Doesn't everyone want to feel valued in some way? Getting that validation from others can be important. But you can also derive satisfaction from your own achievements.

And if friends aren't there when we need them the most then they don't deserve such designation. From my experience, it looks as if many people out there are only looking for what they can take from others while not being willing to give nearly as much in return. They don't want actual friends, they want personal entertainers who can provide decent dosages of instant gratification whenever they seek it.
You may be right, but there must also be the possibility for genuine deep friendship. I think it all depends what you need or expect from a friendship though. What kind of relationship would make you personally happy? Do you want drinking buddies? Do you want someone you can have deep meaningful conversations with? Do you want someone who can listen to your troubles and advise you, or give you sympathy?

Anyway it's late and I need some sleep. I'll pick it up tomorrow. Good thread btw ;)
 
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