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Living With Toxic People?

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bonobo

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I feel completely 'stuck' in my situation.

I live with my brother who is abusive - He mentally and physically abuses me daily. I also sometimes live with my Dad and our relationship is much more difficult and complicated, but definitely not healthy.

How do I live with someone who constantly makes me feel appallingly?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Are you male or female?

Sorry if that seems an odd question, but if you're female, there are options available to you such as going in a women's refuge. I had to, to escape my abusive brother.

Also, do you have any means to be living alone in a flat?
Have you thought about going to your council and asking to go on their housing register?

I know some people think council housing isn't great and you'll be housed next to nightmare ASBO types, but it really isn't as bad as people think.
 
katya

katya

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I feel completely 'stuck' in my situation.

I live with my brother who is abusive - He mentally and physically abuses me daily. I also sometimes live with my Dad and our relationship is much more difficult and complicated, but definitely not healthy.

How do I live with someone who constantly makes me feel appallingly?
I used to live in an abusive household and the way I got out of it was to go to uni; would this be an option for you?
 
B

bonobo

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Jan 9, 2015
Messages
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Are you male or female?

Sorry if that seems an odd question, but if you're female, there are options available to you such as going in a women's refuge. I had to, to escape my abusive brother.

Also, do you have any means to be living alone in a flat?
Have you thought about going to your council and asking to go on their housing register?

I know some people think council housing isn't great and you'll be housed next to nightmare ASBO types, but it really isn't as bad as people think.
Thank you both for replying to me xx


Hi SS - I'm female. I have no interest in council housing or women's refuges as I think the prospect isn't for me. I have £10k, so I could live alone in a flat somewhere but I feel as though the resources would quickly dry up. But I simply can not stay here.

jruth - I have no qualifications & the prospect of university seems alien to me while I have so much going on in my head.
 
ThereDone

ThereDone

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It might be that your brother has the best of intentions but he expresses it in a destructive manner. If it's just straight up bullying then there's only one way to deal with bullies; never give in to them. Directly you can rebel against him in several ways, either by actively resisting him or doing the ghandi method where you're passively resisting. Passively resisting needs a sort of emotional detachment from what is happening to you though, and requires you to act broken. If you can fake it well enough it might end up with him stopping, especially if he's not an adult and hasn't faced such a situation before.

A good line in the middle of conflicts is: "Fine yeah I'm a <insert insult here>. What am I supposed to do about it?"

The step towards a final solution is always dialogue, being direct and rational. It is hard to argue about it. If I were to go about it I would say something like: "I know you don't like me, I don't know why but something about me is bothering you and I don't want this anymore: I want this to end. So tell me what can I do so that you stop abusing me or at least stop bothering you."

If he's being difficult about it, avoiding it - then it's probably not what we would call a rational reason: He might even be suppressing incestuous urges toward you and taking it out on you. The key thing here is to say that you'll accept whatever problem he has with you.

That's at least how I think the situation would be best dealt with diplomatically.
 
katya

katya

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If I were you I'd go to Citizens' Advice and ask what you could do. I mean you might be able to rent a place somewhere and then claim housing benefit? Would you be able to work?

Hope everything goes really well for you.

This 10k is a real blessing. :)
 
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bonobo

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If I were you I'd go to Citizens' Advice and ask what you could do. I mean you might be able to rent a place somewhere and then claim housing benefit? Would you be able to work?

Hope everything goes really well for you.

This 10k is a real blessing. :)
Thank you, I really appreciate it

Maybe. The thought of claiming Housing Benefit is so depressing. I have no idea what to do next... I'll try Citizens Advice
 
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bonobo

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God, it's so difficult living here but I'm so afraid to leave :cry::cry:
 
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bonobo

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It's just so difficult living here... I've been talking to Samaritans & they're absolutely useless. I feel hopeless
 

MarlieeB

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The best thing IMO is that you get out of the situation.

I did have a quick look at the rest of the posts on this thread and seen what has been suggested for you.

The Samaritans are very hit and miss from what I have read on here. I text and email them and sometimes they frustrate me so much but every now and again I will have a nice, caring answer.

I think the best thing for you is to go and check out your options whether it's with CAB, a refuge or with the council.

I can see you have some savings and I would say that, that is a good and bad advantage. Of course you don't want to go and spend all that money you have saved up but it will be a good thing if you need to maybe get yourself away.

Do you have a job, could you support yourself if you moved out?

Marliee x
 
B

bonobo

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131
The best thing IMO is that you get out of the situation.

I did have a quick look at the rest of the posts on this thread and seen what has been suggested for you.

The Samaritans are very hit and miss from what I have read on here. I text and email them and sometimes they frustrate me so much but every now and again I will have a nice, caring answer.

I think the best thing for you is to go and check out your options whether it's with CAB, a refuge or with the council.

I can see you have some savings and I would say that, that is a good and bad advantage. Of course you don't want to go and spend all that money you have saved up but it will be a good thing if you need to maybe get yourself away.

Do you have a job, could you support yourself if you moved out?

Marliee x
Yeah, I agree that somehow I need to get out of here. I am currently e-mailing with Samaritans, maybe they would be better if I call them... Doubt it.

The thought of being on housing benefits ect for the rest of my life makes me feel suicidal

No, I don't have a job & I don't know if I could support myself if I move out although I would try my best to.

Thank you for replying xx
 

MarlieeB

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Maybe it wouldn't be for the rest of your life though, being on housing benefits etc, just something to tide you over until things are all sorted.

I know that pride wise it sucks to even consider it but safety wise it might be better to swallow your pride rather than get hurt both mentally and physically don't you think?

You need to get out of there for your own sake. I don't mean to try and scare you but one day it might go too far.

Have you ever reported this abuse to anyone?

xxx
 
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bonobo

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Maybe it wouldn't be for the rest of your life though, being on housing benefits etc, just something to tide you over until things are all sorted.

I know that pride wise it sucks to even consider it but safety wise it might be better to swallow your pride rather than get hurt both mentally and physically don't you think?

You need to get out of there for your own sake. I don't mean to try and scare you but one day it might go too far.

Have you ever reported this abuse to anyone?

xxx
Maybe - It just doesn't seem like many people are able to move on from that situation.

I can't report the abuse.

Thanks
 
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