Living two lives on the same time line

Kirkpatrick

Kirkpatrick

Member
Joined
Jan 4, 2015
Messages
10
Location
Southeastern U.S.
#1
Normally, I'm garden variety BPI, but recently, I keep having the feeling that I'm really living in two different lives. I'm the same person in each one, its just the conditions that led up to me becoming who I am are different. I feel like the one I'm in now, the one where I take shitty pills, see doctors and therapists, go impatient, am on disability, have a tumor that surgery has failed to remove twice and radiation did not help, the one where I passed on some of my crappy DNA to my daughter, the one where I keep getting stranger dx's, is the one that I feel.

But the other one, the one where I'm more or less a boring, middle-aged, mildly content person is way more probable. More probable and certainly preferable. I mean it seems so real, I can even think and write like that person, who is me, just without the life time of crap I've had to put up with. I can feel this reality, but I can't shake the feeling that the other one is the truth and all of this is just a mild version of a mid-life crisis where I'm imaging myself as different and unique, when really, I'm just like everyone else and fit in just fine. And the super confusing part is that I feel both of them at the same time.

This is all very new to me, I mean I have psychosis from time to time, but nothing ever like this. Any insight?