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Living for everyone else

K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
213
Location
Texas
How do you overcome this? I’ve tore myself apart, while everyone watched on the sidelines. Told myself that everyone else was more important than what I was going through. Physical hurt myself for the last couple of years. My mother, husband and family left me to deal with it myself. I couldn’t help myself or even take care of myself. Didn’t want to take medication and listened to people I should not have. My life will never be the same. I find it difficult to go on and can’t see a life worth living now. Sorry, just needed to get this off my chest. Finding therapists is not easy when I can’t leave the house and I am also dealing with my child’s MI. My husband just doesn’t seem to care. He works, comes home and plays on the computer all the time. It’s been this way our whole marriage. I don’t think he even pays attention to what is going on. I’m stuck on what to do.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
213
Location
Texas
Any help or advice. I just can’t keep doing this by myself.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
11,170
Location
England
Hi,
I'm sorry your struggling, wish you had family support.
Life can improve, it's finding the right therapy or meds.
Talk to us if it helps.
Take care
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
213
Location
Texas
It does help to talk about it. My days are filled with taken care of the house, bills, animals, husband, daughter and my son. For the last couple of years I have suffered with OCD, agoraphobia, pain attacks and disassociation. I also have fibromyalgia which only made my ocd worse. I had a panic attack so bad that I didn’t want to live. For two years I have been trying to get things in order, if something were to happen to me. It’s been deep depression were I couldn’t do anything and then I would start cleaning and organizing my home. I even went through all my pictures and hung and organized them for my kids. Working on a financial plan for my husband. Trying to help my daughter with her temper and anxiety. She doesn’t listen to me and my husband is of no help. Everyday, I here what’s for dinner. Can you take care of X,Y,Z.? Everyone in my home is an adult now. I have been burned out for some time and when I disassociated. I didn’t even have a since of self. I can’t talk about anything when my husband gets upset. My kids can’t even talk to him. For years, I have been the go between when something comes up with the kids. My husband excepts me to handle everything. I’ve gone back and forth with with wanting to go to a hospital. The amount is too much and I don’t know if I can even be around anyone. My system is over loaded all the time, waves of anxiety that hit me. I’m on medication again and I see how messed up my life is. I wish I knew what was going on when I disassociated and my OCD went crazy. Living in a world of panic 24/7 is painfully exhausting. Honestly, I hate to post this but It’s my life. My son his health is not good. He already has arthritis and can’t hardly get around some days. For about 5 years now all I hear from my husband is how he hates his job and can I rub his feet. Sorry, I know my thoughts are all over the place.
I think the abuse from my childhood had made me into a person that can’t say no and low self esteem. I’m just tried of hurting and dealing with anxiety, it’s paralyzing. Outside family was of no help when I completely broken down. Things have been said that prevented me from getting help. I don’t want to say what I was prepared to do this time but it would have been my third attempt in my life.
 
K

KitKat90

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
213
Location
Texas
I know it’s a lot. It would be nice to find someone that can relate. I want to find some peace. I want to be able to get out again. Not want to have the feeling of running away from everything, including myself. Being able to have some hope and a purpose in my life. With the scars that I can’t hide. I feel like I can’t leave my home. It’s a painful and I just want some hope for the future. Even on here, I don’t think anyone understands. Maybe, I’m just too far gone to help.
 
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