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Living alone

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firemonkee57

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I think there is living alone and there is living alone. . The difference is in the ability to call on company when needed. With the former you can enjoy your own space when necessary but are only a phone call away from having company when the desire arises.
It's when you have no choice or your choices are limited that living alone can be a problem.
I at one and the same time want to interact with others and yet feel highly uncomfortable and anxious when people get too close. I think it doesn't help that knowing how to react to certain situations doesn't come naturally to me. Also I have a long time nervousness about people, and expectation of negative reactions building up if people get too close to me, due to past bullying.
I guess I'm a "fearful paranoiac" a type not well recognised,although I think there are plenty of us out there,especially in psychiatric literature.
Psychiatric depictions of paranoid people tend to focus very narrowly on the aggressive and the belligerent. It is certainly one area where psychiatrists should do much better .
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Ill be living alone soon for the first time in my life, it terrifys me. Im not a people person either. X
 
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firemonkee57

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I have lived alone for nearly 10 years. I do very little-internet/tv/eat/drink/sleep and hardly see anyone. I cope to a degree but not at a particularly high level. The proverbial would really hit the bucket if anything practical needed doing and no help was readily available(which it isn't).
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I think as long as I have internet itll be ok. Otherwise I could be dangerou, or I am with it.

Do you ever get the motivation to go out and walk?
 
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firemonkee57

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Very occasionally I get the motivation to go out and walk. I am very restricted on where I walk which essentially means the high street/town centre or down the seafront if I am feeling braver.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Lived alone for first time in my life for past 18months, not something I've been used to. Partly I like it, which really surprises me,as I was so in fear of it. I changed a lot a couple of years ago and get exhausted with people nowadays, so living alone can suit that side of it. It satisfies the urges to get away from people.
The other part of living alone can be lonely, and it's difficult to speak to or see people as and when the need arises, as I find it difficult to plan ahead for fear I'm not going to feel up to it when the time comes, and most people need to know a time/date etc to come see you. My feelings of wanting to be with people can be a bit adhoc and people would have generally made arrangements.

Yes planning ahead is a big problem for me for the majority of the time.
 
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firemonkee57

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My step daughter keeps trying to persuade me to move to Wiltshire to be near her and her daughters. If I wasn't such an anxious and fearful person I would consider it. I don't know whether it's an aspergic like trait but the thought of moving from where I live terrifies me, despite the loneliness.
Also because of my poor organisational/practical skills I would find the logistics of moving very difficult. I would also have to learn to navigate myself around a new area which would also be very difficult for me.

Contrary to the myopic focus of mainstream psychiatry, difficulties,and challenges, especially due to co- morbid problems can stretch beyond acute crisis scenarios.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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I don't know whether it's an aspergic like trait but the thought of moving from where I live terrifies me, despite the loneliness.
I had that, didn't go away to university then when my parents got divorced my mum didn't want me living with her and my dad was moving out of the area to somewhere cheaper, I didn't want to live there so got a crap bedsit type place here. I have never lived out of the area I would be terrified too, even though I don't really belong here anymore since they gentrified the area.

Sorry not trying to make it all about me.

Could you maybe stay with her for a while and see what it's like, get used to the idea of living there, see if you like it/feel comfortable?

Moving is stressful, hopefully they would help you though.
 
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firemonkee57

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I tried going down there for a holiday. My step daughter picked up on how nervous I was and brought me back early.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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I tried going down there for a holiday. My step daughter picked up on how nervous I was and brought me back early.
Sorry, seem to recall you mentioning about staying with her a while ago. Suppose it would be different if you had your own place but no way to really try that out and if you didn't like it you'd be stuck, unless you did another Homeswap.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Very occasionally I get the motivation to go out and walk. I am very restricted on where I walk which essentially means the high street/town centre or down the seafront if I am feeling braver.
Im lucky to have a car, I drive away from the people if I can motivate myself x
 
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firemonkee57

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I also would be worried about finding a council place if I moved. A council exchange from a high rise would not be easy. Given the current climate moving to private,rented accommodation would be a precarious move. Even if I got on the council list after moving there, which would take time as I'm a single adult male with no dependants, any place offered would likely be a bedsit.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Youve never seen me drive ;)
 
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