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Little things make my emotions high

U

Until

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I had to tell someone that they were doing something wrong at work, she then swapped looks with eye rolling at another person and they smirked at each other, they then went out of the room and were laughing at me. I was so annoyed I could not speak to either of them for the rest of the day even when they tried to speak to me like nothing was wrong. I could not sleep that night at all, I was still angry when I went into work the next day and they said morning to me very fake and over the top nice. I struggle to let it go and feel that one more thing could set me off
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Heya :) sorry to hear how you feel. I think the best thing is to let things be, it's not worth you stressing over x
 
U

Until

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easy to say, not so easy to do if you have BPD
 
N

Nukelavee

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easy to say, not so easy to do if you have BPD
Which is why you have to work at it.

And, because you have BPD - you must remember your reactions are far more intense than others are, we make minor things into epic ones.

It all comes down to self-control, and not engaging with the negative mood.
 
U

Until

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how do I work on it though, what should I be doing, how can I stop feeling so upset about things like this and that people secretly hate me?
 
N

Nukelavee

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Learn your triggers. When you are calm, try to make a list of all the things that upset you. As many as you can. Try to decide if any of those strike you as things you should be able to deal with, or things that you could possibly be taking the wrong way.

Basically, try to map out teh areas that trigger anger.

Also - hate is a strong word, I think we kind of overuse it. do they really hate you? I mean, dislike is unpleasant, too, but it's not hate. Consider if these people do the same sort of things to each other.

Try to use your empathy on yourself, figure out what you are really angry about. I have BPD, too - and I find a lot of the time, that thing that makes me explode, wasn't what the real cause of anger was.

And keep reminding yourself - I know I can over react, people don't understand how things make me feel.

It takes a lot of practice, and you have to really get to know yourself. Work at kind of second guessing your reactions.

do you have issues with anxiety?
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

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how do I work on it though, what should I be doing, how can I stop feeling so upset about things like this and that people secretly hate me?
Im in the same boat as you, so very much looking forward to see the posts on this thread
 
N

Nukelavee

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I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but - part of the trick is to convince yourself most people don't care enough to hate you. Heck, most people don't really dislike most people, they just resent somebody distracting them from what they want to do.

It's kind of a cold outlook, but it tends to work on me.

Mind you, I'm not really an introvert, nor soft spoken in real life. Little things like those that bother you so much, Until, bother me less. People who actively try to upset me end up getting upset in return - I DON'T reccomend attacking people, btw.

other people don't hold onto slights and hurts like we do, not generally. So, we need to use our empathy to gauge how much the other person intended to effect us.

I think the main thing is to practice self control and mindfulness - double check what just happened with how you feel, and ask "Does this seem reasonable?".

It takes time. I was diagnosed 23 years ago, and I've worked to try to tone down my reactions the entire time. I'm still working on it.

I asked about anxiety, because with BPD, we are very good at attaching an emotion to an obvious cause, while ignore the deeper cause of anger and hurt. Anxiety has us in a fight or flight mood, and it sits at the back of our reactions more than we realize. I often realize, later, that when I'm angry, it's because I'm frustrated by something else. Or hurt by something else, that I can't or don't understand, so, to get an outlet, I let a trivial thing set me off.
 
G

Girl interupted

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Im in the same boat as you, so very much looking forward to see the posts on this thread
Evaluate what is a fact and what is an emotion.

You can’t read minds, so saying that someone hates you is an emotion (Unless they tell you directly).

Make a list of what is factual. Any time you are guessing, that’s called emotional reasoning, and it will only hurt you, not them.
 
A

Ana

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Honestly I don’t like staying quite.
I like reacting and showing them that they can’t treat me some type of way.
Even tho it’s not worth it most of the times however I like showing them that they can’t just say certain things to me and get away with it.
 
U

Until

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I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but - part of the trick is to convince yourself most people don't care enough to hate you. Heck, most people don't really dislike most people, they just resent somebody distracting them from what they want to do.

It's kind of a cold outlook, but it tends to work on me.

Mind you, I'm not really an introvert, nor soft spoken in real life. Little things like those that bother you so much, Until, bother me less. People who actively try to upset me end up getting upset in return - I DON'T reccomend attacking people, btw.

other people don't hold onto slights and hurts like we do, not generally. So, we need to use our empathy to gauge how much the other person intended to effect us.

I think the main thing is to practice self control and mindfulness - double check what just happened with how you feel, and ask "Does this seem reasonable?".

It takes time. I was diagnosed 23 years ago, and I've worked to try to tone down my reactions the entire time. I'm still working on it.

I asked about anxiety, because with BPD, we are very good at attaching an emotion to an obvious cause, while ignore the deeper cause of anger and hurt. Anxiety has us in a fight or flight mood, and it sits at the back of our reactions more than we realize. I often realize, later, that when I'm angry, it's because I'm frustrated by something else. Or hurt by something else, that I can't or don't understand, so, to get an outlet, I let a trivial thing set me off.
I do think I am in flight or fight mode a lot so maybe I am anxious, not sure but I do know I am a worrier.

I get angry about injustice to myself, for example when i had to tell someone they had done something wrong and they reacted by eyerolling, smirking and laughing about me to another person. It enrages me that they couldn't just have accepted what i said and accepted they had made a mistake.

So I guess I feel that I have to 'get my own back' for laughing at me by punishing them in some way, like not speaking to them for the rest of the day, but then it spirals because I think they have gotten away with it still, so I want to do more to them until I feel they understand that what they did was not acceptable and not nice and they wont do it again. But I cant tell them what they did was horrible as it would seem petty and they would eye roll again.

So I try to 'punish' them until I feel better, but I don't feel better until I feel they know and understand what they did was wrong and won't do it again.

But they don't, they see my telling her off as wrong and so the mind battles begin, I stop speaking to them, they start talking about me more because I am not speaking to them, I start getting more annoyed because they are sniggering about me again. And it becomes worse.
 
U

Until

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Evaluate what is a fact and what is an emotion.

You can’t read minds, so saying that someone hates you is an emotion (Unless they tell you directly).

Make a list of what is factual. Any time you are guessing, that’s called emotional reasoning, and it will only hurt you, not them.
I know what you are saying, maybe they don't hate me but I feel like they don't like me and that hurts when I don't feel I am being horrible to them in any way. I guess when I am hurt I get angry.
 
U

Until

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Honestly I don’t like staying quite.
I like reacting and showing them that they can’t treat me some type of way.
Even tho it’s not worth it most of the times however I like showing them that they can’t just say certain things to me and get away with it.
Thats how I feel too, I don't want someone to get away with something they did to me, but I can't let things go, someone else may be able to but I struggle with that.
 
G

Girl interupted

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I know what you are saying, maybe they don't hate me but I feel like they don't like me and that hurts when I don't feel I am being horrible to them in any way. I guess when I am hurt I get angry.
Then you realize you are the one causing you hurt?

Unless you speak to them directly “are you upset with me, how can we fix this, what is the best way to explain to you how to do something” .. this pain will continue and only hurt you.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Being anxious and upset already, means you will take most interactions as hostile or threatening.

Having BPD means, for many of us including me, we have a lot of anger just waiting for a target.

Your small acts of revenge are never satisfying for a couple reasons. One, the important one to remember, is because you aren't actually addressing the real cause of anger, you will never get real satisfaction.

The other is, as I said - this tit for tat trying to get even won't work, because teh whole conflict barely registers to the other people. Again - other people don't feel things as intensely as we do, they aren't as sensitive to negative actions, real or perceived, as we are.

They generally have no idea how deeply we are affected, and are more resistant to micro-aggressions.

the more you act out to get even, the more you make yourself a target.

You need to get a handle on your anger. Also - the best way to frustrate people being mean to you is to not react.

for what it's worth - I'm kinda known for "the look". It shuts people down. It's a look that just makes people feel like an idiot for saying something to or about me.

And, I'm always aware others really don't know me, they don't actually know what my weaknesses and triggers are, they don't know me or matter enough to care what they do. You beat them by not reacting.

Your anger at everything only hurts yourself, as Girl pointed out.
 
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