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Life's boring cause I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired... I only want to...

  • Thread starter Darknesssdaughter
  • Start date
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Darknesssdaughter

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Italy
Aha OK
Sending hugs back
Have a nice Sunday
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Italy
Went to the doctor and came home full of anger.
She did not seem interested in doing her job, to listen my symptoms as a patient.. But I insisted to tell her as more as I could.. She kept pulling that paper with the treatment to me so I can leave...
I have
Dersonalization and derealization.
Anxiety
Mood swings
Depression
Intense anger and intense emotions
Obssesive thoughts and compultions
Forgetfulness that can't be explained by anxiety and to much emotions
Cognitive problems
Trouble with attention
Voices (thoughts) speaking inside my mind
Insomnia
Isolation
.. And I don't remember evrything

She said that I don't have any pathology, that I'm to emotional and that's how I'm made. (I wold have known that if I was always like this but I wasn't.)
This angered me so much. I was shaking of anger almost all day. And why she gave medication if I don't have anything.
Also said something like it takes time to make a diagnosis.. I believe that....but why she would not listen, how can she knows if does not wanted to listen.
Im afraid I have to change doctor again.. I'm sick and tired of this because most of them kicked me out, some abused me and some did not understand my condition.
 
J

Jules5

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,742
Location
Florida
Hi Darkness.... It seems like you are experiencing some high end traumatic episodes. I am sorry your gp did not help you. My therapist is the same way we only stay on topic we do not talk about nothing else that is bothering me. I try to tell her and she changes the subject and she just goes back to what we were talking about.

I have been diagnosed PTSD with Severe Psychosis. My therapist never talks about my diagnosis. But since starting therapy I have improved dramatically. I take showers now. I can cook food and I started a small garden. Before this for 2 years I was in a terrible state of mind.

Stay in therapy. Let therapy run its course and I have a feeling your life will get better. Do not try to control the therapy session-Remember our control leads to nightmares and inforesakable ideas. I sure wish you will start to feel better. I am on much needed medications too for my psychosis. Lots of love and hugs Jules
 
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Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,032
Location
Nowhere
n yeah that is not acceptable

can you try to get yourself an advocate ?
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Italy
Hi, thank you so much for your replies.
I feel a bit traumatised by my experiences and my symptoms so it was hard to replay back yesterday (sorry for that) ..talking about them sometimes it makes tings worse for me.

@Jules5, it's good to know that someone can relate a little to my situation and that things can improve, thank you for giving me hope.
Yes, you got it right..in the past years I had a lot of traumas and some of them lasted for to long.
I'm not aware always that I'm controlling the therapy sessions. At least not now. Did that in the past and I was completely aware of it. I was paying the doctor double to give me the medication I wanted because I did not trusted him.
Must begin psychotherapy as the doctors insists. Somehow I do not want to do it because I think is going to retraumatize me.. I tryed once and that's how it was... I'm going to try again hope to find a doctor that fits me.

I'm sorry about your trauma and its consequences and I hope you are strong enough and find the right resources to overcome the problems you have now.

@Zoe1 I just had an exaggerated response of anger to what happened. I was aware of it but couldn't calm myself.
 
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Darknesssdaughter

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Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Italy
So much hatred in my heart towards people in my family that don't understand my condition and don't care. When I try to talk about my mental health roblems, they seem to chose to concentrate on other things and completely ignore me.
Why do I try so hard? F*ck them. Anyways they always were abusive, if they don't abuse now, they give me the silent treatment.
Sometimes I want them dead, they make me sick to my stomach.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,032
Location
Nowhere
n yeah I get that Darkness
ive been working on it for years
because I dont want these feelings in my heart

I now live at a distance from them
which helps the heart to grow fonder
and where I can become close to other people
who are not my family

:hug5: ✨
 
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Darknesssdaughter

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 2, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Italy
Good zoe, glad for you that you live at distance from them and you have people your life that understand you or care for you. Hope some day I will be able also to end the relationship with them.
Thanks for the replay, I was feeling awful so alone In this.
Be blessed.
 
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