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Hello! I'm new to this sort of thing i.e. Forums. I want to share and will but I will restrict myself to the full extent 'of things'!

I have BPD and have had for a few years. When I was initially diagnosed it made real sense to me and the way I had been behaving for all the years prior.

The problem is I haven't seen a Psychiatrist/CPN for over a year and a bit, and was discharged from the CPA just after. To make things worse I am in conflict within my mind against their conclusions of discharging me from the services.

They are correct... "that I do drink too much, and this exacerbates my life". Yet, now a year or so on I have been in Hospital (A&E/inpatient) many times in the last year of which, please believe me I am NOT proud.

I am NOT looking for any pity, but, to make matters worse I have type 2 Diabetes and have just been told that my Haemoglobin levels are high. Which I searched online, 'as you do'! And, that may not be good news... heart problems!!!

The purists out there will say... 'deserve you right for making attempts on your own life so often'? And, I suppose I agree with them.

These last few weeks I've been very sad for different reasons. Because of this this my Doctor has written to me, and I didn't acknowledge it. So, a couple of weeks went past and the Surgery phoned me, as the Doctor 'wants' to see me! I see him soon!

This makes worries me but I need to go or I, or 'things' may come to pass and in my absence and I shall miss them.

I'm a man in my 30's and I'm... a f---ing mess!

Where did my life go? Why did 'it all' go so wrong? Why do I find it so hard to feel 'what love is'? Why do I ALWAYS make a mess of my relationships? Why do I always make the same mistakes that are so detrimental to my life?

Constructive help/advice is most welcomed, thank you, Madmitch.:low:
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

Well-known member
Jul 22, 2013
Isle of Wight
Hey Mitch! Welcome my friend, we are all good friends here, dive in and share and there is some really good advice here but even better than that, we have some AMAZING people here too. Including you now!


Well-known member
Aug 17, 2012
The West Country
Welcome to the forum.
Anybody who says "deserve you right for making attempts on your own life so often" is an arse. I don't judge you at all.
I suppose there's not much you can do until you actually see the doctors and get the full facts. It must be really tough and I can understand any worry you have.

It's very hard not to rely on crutches/habits that are self-destructive. Until whatever issues are underlying are addressed, then a lot of the time things won't really progress.

Were you ever offered therapy or counselling at all?