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Life stress

L

Leel

New member
Joined
May 27, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Uk
Hi all,

I've read a few threads and although I'm very empathetic it's hard to respond to some, I think only professional assistance can overcome psychosis and mental illness.

My problem seems far less severe than most!

I'm late 30's, have a rubbish paid but amazing job working with homeless people. I don't have immediate financial worries, but long term stress financially.

I have a young daughter of 4 who is amazing, heart disease but not anything to worry about daily as medication regulates the issue.

My issue is workload and stress! I work full time, it's demanding, I work from home 2-3 days a week, and mind my daughter! I work hard, entertain her, I'm renovating my house, looking to move somewhere better etc...

I have a dog, some fish and a girlfriend...

And therein lies the problem!

She does nothing, no house work, no cooking, no DIY, no shopping, no gardening, she studies part time, but is so emotionally abusive! I come home from 36 hours at work to a house that's disgustingly dirty, I then clean and cook for everyone before I collapse on the sofa after everyone goes to bed by 8pm and I constantly havnt the energy to go upstairs!

My body is in bits most of the time, it's getting worse my energy levels are falling, I feel like most days I'm just counting the minutes before I can sleep!

My girlfriends study includes shift work, which means at weekends when I'm off work I'm alone with the child for 14 hours a day, and I spend most of my weekends catching up on cleaning, DIY or prepping for the coming week, shopping, cooking, scheduling.

It's got so bad I drink to phase out the exhaustion, and some nights I just sit in the dark wondering day dreaming about vanishing! I've even booked 1 way flights to Madagascar and Alaska previously!!!

I don't know what to do, I can't kick her out, my daughter would be devastated, and I won't leave it's my house, everything we have I had bought previous to her!

She doesn't earn money, just collects degrees (this is her 4th)!

Any advice anyone?
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
3,124
Location
My billion dollar high tech malibu mansion
Hi all,

I've read a few threads and although I'm very empathetic it's hard to respond to some, I think only professional assistance can overcome psychosis and mental illness.

My problem seems far less severe than most!

I'm late 30's, have a rubbish paid but amazing job working with homeless people. I don't have immediate financial worries, but long term stress financially.

I have a young daughter of 4 who is amazing, heart disease but not anything to worry about daily as medication regulates the issue.

My issue is workload and stress! I work full time, it's demanding, I work from home 2-3 days a week, and mind my daughter! I work hard, entertain her, I'm renovating my house, looking to move somewhere better etc...

I have a dog, some fish and a girlfriend...

And therein lies the problem!

She does nothing, no house work, no cooking, no DIY, no shopping, no gardening, she studies part time, but is so emotionally abusive! I come home from 36 hours at work to a house that's disgustingly dirty, I then clean and cook for everyone before I collapse on the sofa after everyone goes to bed by 8pm and I constantly havnt the energy to go upstairs!

My body is in bits most of the time, it's getting worse my energy levels are falling, I feel like most days I'm just counting the minutes before I can sleep!

My girlfriends study includes shift work, which means at weekends when I'm off work I'm alone with the child for 14 hours a day, and I spend most of my weekends catching up on cleaning, DIY or prepping for the coming week, shopping, cooking, scheduling.

It's got so bad I drink to phase out the exhaustion, and some nights I just sit in the dark wondering day dreaming about vanishing! I've even booked 1 way flights to Madagascar and Alaska previously!!!

I don't know what to do, I can't kick her out, my daughter would be devastated, and I won't leave it's my house, everything we have I had bought previous to her!

She doesn't earn money, just collects degrees (this is her 4th)!

Any advice anyone?
Um the only advice I can offer is talk to her about this, and perhaps reach a compromise. If a compromise is impossible than you've already know the options you have, and there is no advice I can give. Its a choice you have to make.
 
L

Leel

New member
Joined
May 27, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Uk
Um the only advice I can offer is talk to her about this, and perhaps reach a compromise. If a compromise is impossible than you've already know the options you have, and there is no advice I can give. Its a choice you have to make.
This discussion has happened numerous times!
 
L

Leel

New member
Joined
May 27, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Uk
Well I am sorry, but then you have a hard decision to make if she is not responding to your needs.
I appreciate that, but as I said, I couldn't kick her out, my daughter would be devastated.
 
L

Leel

New member
Joined
May 27, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Uk
Well then perhaps you could set up a timetable for her to do something to contribute. An ultimatum of sorts, but put in a way that it is not confrontational.
I've tried, I set up a house Rota, that everyone could help with to keep things running... it lasted 3 days
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
3,124
Location
My billion dollar high tech malibu mansion
I've tried, I set up a house Rota, that everyone could help with to keep things running... it lasted 3 days
[/
What I meant by a time table is different from that. Perhaps since you are supporting her right now, and she is getting her what 4th degree that she needs at some point to support you in your dreams whatever they may be instead of just constantly using you to get hers.

Believe it or not I am faced with a similar conndrum as you, and I have largely resorted to ignoring her, and denying her access to my resources as she keeps asking for more I simply ignore her/ tell her no.
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
3,124
Location
My billion dollar high tech malibu mansion
I am living with some one pursuing her masters, and its like she only thinks of herself. Her pursuit of her masters she keeps asking me to do her chores, and use my resources. To drive her around. To pay her phone bill. So I have decided from now on the answer will be no do it yourself.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
633
Maybe it is time to seek legal advice on the situation to see what your options are.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,231
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
What I meant by a time table is different from that. Perhaps since you are supporting her right now, and she is getting her what 4th degree that she needs at some point to support you in your dreams whatever they may be instead of just constantly using you to get hers.

Believe it or not I am faced with a similar conndrum as you, and I have largely resorted to ignoring her, and denying her access to my resources as she keeps asking for more I simply ignore her/ tell her no.
Her 4th degree?! She sounds like a professional student. Are the degrees all over the place or are they in a logical progression? Pursuing degrees may be her way of avoiding day-to-day life struggles.
 
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