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Life no longer has meaning...

O

Onlylittle

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
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4
Location
London
Hi all

Just felt like I needed to tell strangers on the internet what is happening right now I guess.

So I ended my relationship recently because he is divorced and my mum has major issues with that and won’t accept him or be a part of anything to do with it. She has been absolutely horrible about it -her reactions involve screaming, shouting, being ott dramatic and saying awful things. She’s upset because of her own experiences which I’ve dragged up and are hurting her. I get that I really do but she’s projecting onto me and failing to put my happiness before her issues. I live with her so I’m surrounded by the tension and atmosphere it has caused daily. She’s only today speaking to me again properly; she really went into a rage on Tuesday and it’s really traumatised me.

On the other hand I’ve broken the heart of a good guy who loved me and only wanted to make me happy. He’s wonderful and really showed me what a great life I could have with him. He’s desperately hurt and I feel incredibly guilty and bad.

I’ve hurt them both and myself and what have I achieved? Diddly squat. Just heartache, sadness, despair, tears, anxiety and no will to live.

I dared to dream of happiness and life firmly put me back in my place.

Yes, I know I should just do what makes me happy and be with him but it’s complicated. I can only do it with the acceptance of my mum, I don’t want to it any other way. I can’t.

I’ve sacrificed but really don’t know how to live life like this now. I’ll never have pleasure in anything because I don’t want to move on. I’ll be alone and unhappy forever-and it’s all my fault...
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Oct 16, 2019
Messages
1,543
Location
North Carolina
You need to live your own life and be happy. If your mom loves you she'll get over it.
 
O

Onlylittle

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Mar 14, 2020
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Location
London
You need to live your own life and be happy. If your mom loves you she'll get over it.
I know...but it’s easier said than done. My family dynamic is complex. Cultural considerations at play too which really piss me off.

Having an only over bearing, narcissistic parent is a nightmare. I’m hoping she can get over her feelings and put mine first...please hope for me too 🙏

Thank you x
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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She may or may not. But you need to be in control of your life ! I understand i dont know all of circumstances but what mom stands in the way of her daughters happiness. I know you love her but shes toxic and the sooner you stop letting her drag you down the better.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Really? Because he's divorced? That would rule out a huge amount of people here.

That's sad that you have to live your life by what your parents want....when you're no longer a child.
 
O

Onlylittle

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
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Location
London
She may or may not. But you need to be in control of your life ! I understand i dont know all of circumstances but what mom stands in the way of her daughters happiness. I know you love her but shes toxic and the sooner you stop letting her drag you down the better.
It would destroy my family...I really can’t win. Never gone through something like this before I feel like I’m in limbo or the twilight zone. One step away from seeing the dr...
 
O

Onlylittle

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
4
Location
London
Really? Because he's divorced? That would rule out a huge amount of people here.

That's sad that you have to live your life by what your parents want....when you're no longer a child.
My dad was a divorcee...she regrets her own choices and what she went through. Projecting all that fucking bullshit onto me now. I’m not her but she doesn’t see me as an adult clearly. She’s lived her life I should be able to live mine.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Messages
1,543
Location
North Carolina
It would destroy my family...I really can’t win. Never gone through something like this before I feel like I’m in limbo or the twilight zone. One step away from seeing the dr...
What does doing what she want get you. Youre still screwed. Might as well have the man who loves you in your corner !
 
Tamziie93

Tamziie93

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Mar 8, 2020
Messages
549
Location
England
Have a drink ;) , watch someone fall over, get someone to tickle you LIFE HAS MEANING! your just not doing it right an we all don't do it right all the time :) but for when you slip up an your doing it wrong you need to do something you enjoy x
 
P

Purpleplum

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Messages
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My dad was a divorcee...she regrets her own choices and what she went through. Projecting all that fucking bullshit onto me now. I’m not her but she doesn’t see me as an adult clearly. She’s lived her life I should be able to live mine.
Some divorces do come with baggage so I can see that point but it is your life.
 
CelticTwilight

CelticTwilight

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Joined
Sep 5, 2009
Messages
172
Location
Nocturnsville UK
It is difficult when family members apply their own values to your life and expect you to just comply. I don't know your age but am quite sure that you won't live with your mother forever and then the change of proximity will change the dynamic between the two of you. Distance between and virtual lack of contact with any of my family for several years has improved my life massively but only after years of suppression piled up through numerous in-laws acquired through multiple marriages (once was enough for me). I am permanently scarred by my experiences so can empathize to a degree but on a positive note - the present freedom has enabled me to heal considerably in recent years. Some families are just like this and if life has a meaning for me that meaning is that it is largely a lottery.
 
A

Alone and scared

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Mar 21, 2020
Messages
29
Location
Belfast
If you truly love your partner, why would you give him up? I don't understand. It's normal for children to grow up and leave home. As an adult, you are entitled to make your own choices. You mother has had her chance. This is your chance. Your chance at happiness, which some people never get. Your mother is wrong. She is standing in the way of your right to make decisions about your own life. For your own sake, I hope you don't allow this.
 
Tamziie93

Tamziie93

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Joined
Mar 8, 2020
Messages
549
Location
England
Life is so beautiful and precious life is everything I read that and I cried because life is just absolutely the world to me

And made me think of the David Gray song

My head is roaring like a waterfall
Give me everything or not at all
You don't have to turn the sound up
Babe I want you from the ground up
Baby baby you're the world to me
Baby baby you're the world to me
Baby baby you're the world to me
Baby baby you're the world to me
 
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