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Life Long Stress; Lack of Motivation

PurpleDaffodils

PurpleDaffodils

Active member
Joined
May 11, 2018
Messages
42
Location
Southern US
I have had depression my whole life and I have managed, I’ve fought through it, survived somehow but lately I’m trying so hard to fight giving up... my dad wants me to go back to college, he tells me if I don’t I have to pay rent I can’t afford. I have bills that I gained while in an abusive relationship (Financial abuse and manipulation was involved.) I can’t afford school because I have to work to pay that debt and not only do I not make enough as is I can’t afford to lose any hours.

My job consists of me getting yelled at, heavy lifting, and customer service... I sometimes resort to drinking on my breaks to get through my day (Sometimes 9 hrs of standing and lifting, I’m not allowed to sit down despite having inflammatory arthritis.) I have been religiously writing/drawing a graphic novel but I’ve lost motivation in everything. I want to drink. I want to sleep and that’s really it... I feel so overwhelmed with my life, I feel like I’ve fallen so far behind that I’m lost for good, that everything is hopeless. I get so anxious thinking about what I’m supposed to do...

I don’t know what I want to go to school for... I don't know what I want out of life. I feel like happiness is unobtainable for me... I can’t even picture a future for myself that is happy without if feeling like a work of fiction. I just want to breathe without this burden of life constricting the air from my lungs. I don’t know what tethers me here anymore. It’s like I’m floating in space and one swift tug and I’ll be free, weightless and floating endlessly. I feel so far from the world, I feel like I’ve already let go, I’m just waiting for the release of that line.
 
The Owl

The Owl

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2018
Messages
48
Location
U.K.
Seems to me you are depressed !

You have same feelings as me ! Fed up of being told what to do. Things just seem pointless, because your not moving forward. You are just static. :sorry: Ive been listening to Pappa don't preach by Madonna !!! I'll try not to do that....

This is what I would suggest. Reduce the booze, its just numbing you emotions and you need to stop sleeping all the time and talk to some one. You need to find a way to unburden your mind. This will give you clarity.

Set yourself some achieverble goals.... Nothing to big, just simple things... When you achieve them, you will feel better, then get to the doc and tell them how you are struggling. Remember booze and drugs don't mix.

I want you to beat all you are strugling with. Be positive. "You are stronger that you think!" (Thats a Winnie the pooh Quote!" See my posts are Educational!) Often boring but educational... :p

Best Wishes let me know how you get on. ;)
 
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