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Life is not worth living because there's too much suffering. Change my mind.

  • Thread starter LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds
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LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

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Hi. Recently, I've been diagnosed with BPD mostly because of my suicidal thoughts, the feeling of emptiness, and changes in the mood. I'm not 100% sure if that diagnosis is right and my psychiatrist told me to take tests with a clinical psychologist. The problem is they're way too expensive for me. I struggle with suicidal thoughts that haunt me when I'm stressed, I have a low mood or I go through a difficult time. Right now I have family problems that cause me to worry a lot and suicidal thoughts come and go. Most of the time I'm convinced that there's no point to live if I'm not happy most of the time and I suffer. Last years were mostly stressful for me and I've been unhappy for the most of the time. I don't have a job, I'm trying freelancing but sitting at home makes me low. There are times when I feel better but these are just moments. I often imagine how nice it'd be to die and not feel all this pain and worry. Such a relief. I know probably there are many people who feel the similar way, but if there is someone who sees hope in this life and thinks it's bearable then I encourage you to share your opinion. Maybe it'll turn out life can be good.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I got a disagnosis of BPD/eupd as well so I can understand where you are coming from :hug:

there's always hope for something better, for example i was in a seriously bad place in 2012, attempted suicide once (can't go into detail though) but one of my cats coming into my life gave me a reason to try to live, she's no longer around now but i will be forever greatful to her for giving me the strength to try :hug:
 
G

Girl interupted

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This is what happens when we put all our eggs in one basket.

Need to find many reasons to live, not just one.
 
LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

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I got a disagnosis of BPD/eupd as well so I can understand where you are coming from :hug:

there's always hope for something better, for example i was in a seriously bad place in 2012, attempted suicide once (can't go into detail though) but one of my cats coming into my life gave me a reason to try to live, she's no longer around now but i will be forever greatful to her for giving me the strength to try :hug:
I have 3 cats but I never thought there would be a reason to be alive. Hmm... Maybe it's because they are not just mine, but also my mum's so it doesn't feel like they're all mine, if that makes sense. They spend most of their time with her. I also have a dog who loves my mum most too :/ Doesn't help my self-esteem. Pets are not people though, you can't really have a conversation with them.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I have 3 cats but I never thought there would be a reason to be alive. Hmm... Maybe it's because they are not just mine, but also my mum's so it doesn't feel like they're all mine, if that makes sense. They spend most of their time with her. I also have a dog who loves my mum most too :/ Doesn't help my self-esteem. Pets are not people though, you can't really have a conversation with them.
i have a conversation with my two and one of mine answers me all the time :hug:

*shares my girl Tigger with you* :hug:
 
LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

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This is what happens when we put all our eggs in one basket.

Need to find many reasons to live, not just one.
For me, it's hard to find even one good reason. I'm not in a relationship, I don't have real friends, a job that would satisfy me, all my previous jobs were shit, I live with my parents who fight all the time and might soon split up, I don't like my country. The only hope for me is to go abroad and start a new life.
 
LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

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i have a conversation with my two and one of mine answers me all the time :hug:

*shares my girl Tigger with you* :hug:
I know you can talk to pets, but they don't understand you, not like people do at least. You can't connect with them like with a human being :( It's a bit like with children. A child won't understand an adult problem.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I know you can talk to pets, but they don't understand you, not like people do at least. You can't connect with them like with a human being :( It's a bit like with children. A child won't understand an adult problem.
they can understand some of what you say and they understand when you need comfort :hug:

My Tigger's got a :grouphug: now for you
 
LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

LucyInTheSkyWithDiamonds

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they can understand some of what you say and they understand when you need comfort :hug:

My Tigger's got a :grouphug: now for you
Thanks :)

Yeah, but they still can't entirely help you. My cats spend most of their time with my mum anyway. Even a cat that she gave me prefers her :(
 
G

Girl interupted

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The only hope for me is to go abroad and start a new life.

That’s perfect. Take some time to investigate how you could manage that. Research, find cost of living, look at job markets, check out housing.

That simple thing will give you a boost in spirits and also give you some focus other than what’s happening around you right now.

Make a plan and then figure out how you can make it happen! Xo
 
P

PsychoPrince

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Right there with you, nearly.

I had a BPD diagnosis before schizophrenia, and ADD as a kid. I first started thinking of killing myself in my early teen years. I fight it every day and what I've found is that if I keep fighting those good moments you talk about keep coming. Think of it as spiting death if that helps.

As for proving you wrong I think you are the one who has to prove it to yourself, but you are the one who reached out, which tells me you have some measure of hope. Fight, fight, fight, Lucy!
 
H

Helplessinchicago

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For me, it's hard to find even one good reason. I'm not in a relationship, I don't have real friends, a job that would satisfy me, all my previous jobs were shit, I live with my parents who fight all the time and might soon split up, I don't like my country. The only hope for me is to go abroad and start a new life.
I tried the whole going abroad and starting over. The struggles will just follow you.
 
D

dewey

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Okay, I'm going to try to share some of what I have found.

Yes, there is a lot of suffering in life. For many people, the basic premise we start with is that life is shit. Interesting to hear Jordan Peterson's ideas with this, (yes I know he is controversial but nonetheless makes some good points). One of his ideas is that life is, in its raw essence, 'a tragedy', it is 'terrible'. Many people would adopt this idea, simply because it is true for them. Shit happens. The idea is how we learn to live with this, taking RESPONSIBILITY for ourselves and for our lives - for example, with mental illness and past issues/possible traumas, the idea is to take responsibility for getting better. To be determined. (The hell it is hard, and complicated, very complicated, and intense, but nonetheless, possible, I believe).

A lot of what you said has been relatable, I can think of many, many moments when I've had similar feelings.

Having several things go wrong at one time:

like not having a relationship, being isolated, not having friends, being out of work, yes, you will have a lot of 'holes' in your life, and having history of family problems on top, all of that is a hotbed for the most severe depression to develop, especially if you are already pre-disposed to it. And BPD like symptoms would be the result of long term abuse, of some kind. Which yes, is terrible. I won't lie to you and say I haven't been in your position, because I have. The 'having nothing' phases, yes, there are have been a lot of those. And I still feel exhausted from life a lot of the time. However, piece by piece, you can start to fill your life, but most importantly fill yourself up. I do believe that if you are in a position where you feel you have nothing in your life, you are no one, you have no identity, you can work with that. We can always work with something, ourselves.

Clinical depression, the suicidal ideation, the BPD symptoms - these are complicated illnesses, and in the mind of the sufferer there is often no hope. Often you are not even in touch with reality at your worst points. The pain is so great. For these moments, if you are lucky enough to have someone to reach out to (which you 100% do on this forum ,for one), or on a helpline, or a random stranger, to tell you to hang on in there, just to sit with you and be present, to hold your hand, to give you a hug, whilst you eventually come to, and return to reality and tell you that YOUR LIFE IS WORTH LIVING, then yes, I BELIEVE you can get through it.

I have thought so many times in my life that life is not worth living, I cannot begin to tell you. These thoughts often plague me. But then, something, from somewhere will show me that it is. A little glimmer. The tiniest thing. Being there for someone who was in the same position that I was, for starts, being able to share a bit of my own experience. The possibility of working something out. Creating something, a new experience, a new possibility for myself. Even if it is just to see what happens, and what we CAN change, I believe we should stay alive, just even if it is, for those rare members of the human race who do actually truly give a shit. Even if it is just to watch the colours of the sky change at sunset, lightening strike, to see moments of beauty in the world. The magic of music, watching a comedy, sharing a joke, watching the sea, the laughter of a child, the wrinkles in the smile of a old person whose day you made less lonely, or the humour of a bitterly old person, that one bus driver who is actually polite and friendly, or to
laugh inside of yourself at the angry bus driver who shouts at people for no reason at all.
A friend who is hilariously 'fake' or dandyish to the point it makes you laugh, or a friend you can make who will stick by you (they exist out there). There are a million reasons to live for, even though there is, so so much suffering, and yes, it can often feel like the reasons to die outweigh the reasons to live, when the pain is too great.

But are we not greater than the pain? If we take responsibility for ourselves, if we endure, if we learn, if we grow? I like to hope so. I really do.

The premise is that life is a tragedy, but we need to find our endurance and we need to take responsibility.
 
D

dewey

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I tried the whole going abroad and starting over. The struggles will just follow you.
I agree with this, going abroad and getting a change of scenery can do amazing things for one's view of the world, can change your state of mind, give you new realisations, but at the end of the day, old problems creep up to the surface. If there's a fragility inside, it can follow you and crop up out of nowhere.
BPD and the like, need to be tackled head on, unfortunately. Therapy is often a massive help on the road, although I wouldn't say it is a cure, the cure comes from the individual, but therapy can move you forward.
 
Sendy23

Sendy23

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TBH i can't. But then don't you want to live life to the fullest and make friends and have amazing memories?
That's what I thought
 
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