Life is falling apart

A

archer

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
1
Hello,

My name is Archer and I am a new member on these forums. I would just like to post a little about my OCD experiences and introduce myself. I am 19 years old, I am a university student, and I have been suffering depression for about 2 years now along with getting a diagnosis of OCD from my therapist at my university. Although I have a new therapist now who is trying to work with me on OCD issues, I feel like my life is falling to pieces. I recently lost my job, boyfriend, and some of my closest friends. In fact, I have been questioning why exactly I'm still around in life still, what exactly is my purpose and do I even have the guts to attain to my dreams? Regarding my experiences in therapy, I have discovered I have suffered OCD since I was a young girl. My first true OCD experience was continuously hurting my mouth when I was very young. I was obsessed with the painful feeling to the point where it sickens me to ever think that I was like that when I was young. Of course it died down. My second experience is was when I spent two years during elementary school literally licking my hands and rubbing them over my eyes because I was experiencing "dryness". I kept repeating the behavior over and over again and my parents did not understand what was going on. My eyes suffered terrible dark circles during those years and no medicine could help them because it was in fact my issue of licking them over and over again that made them dark. But this habit disappeared as well. A habit that I do still have that are the main presentations of my OCD is self harming in other ways and my damn low self esteem. The problem is that ever since I was young, I picked my lips and its almost impossible to stop. I have a disgusting obsession with it and I am even embarrassed to go out in public. But my worse symptom of low self esteem is a big thing tied to my ocd. I have had low self esteem since I was young and I admit that at a very young age till high school I was picked on by allot of kids to the point where I had anxiety to coming to school each day. Needless to say, I still succeeded at school and went to college, but that doesn't mean shit anymore because I've realized what's the point of getting good grades but having crappy social communication and low self esteem that drives people away? I have done allot to combat the obsessive thoughts I have about my self esteem but they never seem to go away. It's killing me each day and I don't know what to do. I've tried all the techniques I was told in therapy but they never seem to work and honestly I never seem to have the commitment continuing them. That's another big problem, the commitment I have. I feel like that's entirely due to my OCD. I sometimes don't have commitment finishing what I start and I can swear to all its killing me because I know commitment is the key to success and knowing I lack it makes me very scared for my future. I'm very scared of failure because who wants to live through it every single day of their lives? I feel like I live it and i'm in a circle I can't get out of. I just don't know what to do. I recently contacted a psychiatrist and I am making an appointment to try to see if I can get some medicine to fix this. Does anyone have good experiences with medicine helping them get by suffering OCD and getting back on track in their lives? I'm just falling apart and I have no idea what to do. Maybe I should get hospitalized for a semester and take a semester off? I'm just so confused and scared.

I would like to receive some advice on my situation. I just need some guidance in my life.

Thanks,
Archer.
 
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C

claraetta

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2015
Messages
2
Location
Oklahoma
Hi, I kind of know what you are going through, I have a touch of what may be OCD<( I have to recheck my door at lest twice to see if my apartment is locked before I leave the house. But I dont let it bother me. I know I have this habit and I just accept it.
You say you are continually hurting your body in one way or another. How is your health as far as being able to do things? Do you tire easily? This is my problem. I have hopes that eventually I will find someone who can help me renew my energy. I have been to therapists myself and I find that most of them dont come up with answers to my problems. They just sit there and listen to me talk. Then they charge my insurance a lot of money. I feel I can sit and talk all day without haveing to pay someone
I wish I had a pen pal. I think that would help all of us, just to be able to sit down and type messages back and forth, and quit doing things which harm the body. Whenever you see what you are doing leaves marks, then stop doing it. get your mind off of yourself. Look at your past successes and if you know of someone who needs tutoring in something you are good at( math for example?) , offer your help. If you are sincere , a lot of people will accept the help.
"Give a hand up, not a handout". I saw this quote once. It has helped me.
Just talking to you has helped me , I hope I have helped you too,
 
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