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Life after therapy

H

hillclimbs

Guest
I hope I'm posting this in the right place (apologies if it's not)

I've been out of therapy for about 12 months now. It has gone ok as I've dealt with stuff that comes up for me from time to time. But socially nothing much has improved, and I'm worried that it never will.

The small friendship group I have at work seem to like me, but not enough to invite me out with them. I think it's probably because I come across as a bit closed off or even boring.

It's not that I want to be closed off, but I've come to realise that my life experiences and how I'm feeling when I most want to open up, are too heavy for people, and people don't want friends like that. But I don't have anything smaller to open up about.

I'm just feeling disappointed in myself, if this is as far as I get with recovery. My therapist pointed out once that I cope with life, and she wanted me to live it. It made sense what she said, and I feel like at the moment, I am coping with life, but not living it.

Does anyone know how to get past this stage of coping and into living life?
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I hope I'm posting this in the right place (apologies if it's not)

I've been out of therapy for about 12 months now. It has gone ok as I've dealt with stuff that comes up for me from time to time. But socially nothing much has improved, and I'm worried that it never will.

The small friendship group I have at work seem to like me, but not enough to invite me out with them. I think it's probably because I come across as a bit closed off or even boring.

It's not that I want to be closed off, but I've come to realise that my life experiences and how I'm feeling when I most want to open up, are too heavy for people, and people don't want friends like that. But I don't have anything smaller to open up about.

I'm just feeling disappointed in myself, if this is as far as I get with recovery. My therapist pointed out once that I cope with life, and she wanted me to live it. It made sense what she said, and I feel like at the moment, I am coping with life, but not living it.

Does anyone know how to get past this stage of coping and into living life?
Maybe your friends get the impression you're not interested in going out? I don't know. To me, it sounds like you need to fill your life with more enjoyable things, so you're not focusing too much on what's bothering you, and I think that will shine through in the way you speak to your friends - then maybe they'll be more likely to invite you out, because you seem more eager and interested? Hope it works out for you. Remember that recovery is a long process, and therapy doesn't mean you're automatically fixed. You're getting there and things will get better from here.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Joined
Jul 19, 2010
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Location
middle earth
Hi

Where you're at is a tricky place..... am kinda there myself at the moment. Same sort of situation. Had therapy, and struggled once it ended. It's hard to find someone (or some people) to have a sort of deeper connection to, like you do with a therapist, isn't it? And like you say, a lot of people who've never had mental health issues or had certain life experiences, either can't understand it or don't want to think/talk about this sort of stuff.

Maybe you're looking in the wrong place for the sort of friendship you're after? Perhaps work colleagues will be just that - work colleagues and people who you don't socialise with, and you need to look elsewhere for people that you can connect with on a deeper level? Do you have any interests or hobbies that you could meet people through? Your username suggests you like walking or cycling - if that's true could you join a rambling group or something? You might find people there that you can open up with?
The other option of course is to take a risk with a work colleague or two and open up a bit with them and see if they respond. They might be wanting someone to talk to about deeper stuff as well, but think that you don't want to. Sometimes it's about taking a risk.

The other option (and one I've considered) is maybe going to see a therapist privately from time to time - not a regular thing, but more 'as and when', so that when i'm having more difficulty coping with life, i've got someone to kinda connect with and chat things through with. I think private therapists would do that if you explained the situation and how you maybe don't feel like you need any more regular 'once a week' stuff, but a kind of once every couple of months or as and when thing would be good.
 
H

hillclimbs

Guest
Yes, sometimes I feel like I may need some more therapy support. When I've looked at private therapy previously though, it seems to be upwards of £50 per hour, which is too much for me.

I think, like you say, being at work maybe isn't the best place for me to open up, especially as when I do open up I tend to feel anxious of what responses might be. And at work, it's important to me to be my professional self.

When I left therapy I joined a tai-chi class for relaxation, but again it's not the kind of place to get chatting to people - I go in, exercise and leave again.

In September I am leaving work to go back to uni and retrain, which I think is what got me looking at how few real friends I've made in my job, despite being friendly with everyone. Once I'm gone, I probably won't see them again and I feel like I've failed, or like I'm too different and there's just no one that I can connect with.

I'm trying not to go down the route of thinking there is something wrong about me and trying to rationalise it in a positive way.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
14,164
Location
UK
I'm trying not to go down the route of thinking there is something wrong about me and trying to rationalise it in a positive way.
Yes, I think that's the right way to think about it. Trying to connect with people can be difficult, especially in the workplace. Hopefully Uni will be somewhere where there are more opportunities and a more diverse range of people.
 
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