Library of motivations

M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Autumn

Autumn has begun to clear away
The dying leaves which now decay
As the wind howls around the canopy
It leaves a sadness of the sight it once gave to me

The birds now leave for warmer climes
The mammals realise it’s time to store
All around a bleakness starts to build
Hibernation is the thought that comes to the fore

Listening to the wind and driving rain
As it goes across the chimney and hits my window pane
In the distance, there is a banging sound
As something now loose is flying around

This for me is the hardest time of year
For it’s no fun walking as the elements drive to give you fear
No longer can you stop and chat
Or stand and look at where you’re at

Whilst the weather does its worse
I tend to stay at home and mentally get worse
Feeling of isolation grips my very being
And depression can then grip my soul and feelings

I have to take back control of ‘me’
Not let my mind meander thinking its free
Now I look back at yesteryears
To see what gave me strength and get rid of fears

I look around and see I have lots to do
I also ensure that to go out is a ‘must’ to do
My winter coat, hat and gloves
Take pride of place for me to use

Down to business to prepare for coming months
A list to make of jobs required to do
Followed by the things I like most
I will not become host to depressions course
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
change from autumn to winter

My mood is returning to its winters low
I feel as though I have nowhere to go
I’ve been walking with my daughter’s dog
It helped then to break a daily ‘slog’

People now don’t have time to chat
They rush on by, not to be held back
Wet and cold, miserable and bleak
That’s just the weather not just me

Walking along muddy paths
Picking through the wind bourn trash
The colour disappearing from the wooded glens
And the grass loses the sheen it once had

Christmas is coming as the nights get dark
The colour of the lights will light a spark
Bringing a little colour and smile on faces
Lifting my mood and hold back depressions traces

I play in a brass band and will be busy
Christmas carols being sung gustily
Wishing good will and peace to all
In-between we could have a ball

But shopping will take its toll
Pushing and shoving to get to their goal
Must have this, must get that
All I want is a smile, sometimes too much to ask

Christmas and New Year my favourite times
But alas I know the decorations must come down
Then depression hits hard as winter sets in
And I withdraw within and just wait for spring

This for me is the dangerous time
For I need my mind to be busy and never sigh
I have to look forward and never back
Because that is when depression really attacks
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
A message to all

Christmas day is almost here
So I would like to offer you all good cheer
For those alas who will struggle to see
I offer hope of what tomorrow can be

Yesterday is gone, there is nothing I can do
Today is now, a day to plan for dreams to make
Tomorrow is the day when all begins
And forever is the time I shall have to make it come true

Small steps first with achievable goals
To make you as a person 'whole'
And build on the contentment that will unfold
By allowing yourself to acknowledge that contentment shows

It's not a monetary thing
Nor is it 'something', for that's usually 'bling'
Its just an inner warmth within
When you acknowledge a true life can begin

Depression and anxiety can fade away
But only if you let go of the bonds they play
To look forward to a way you want to go
I have found is the way to my soul

So there you are, I'm sure you'll see
That the answer you seek is to believe
In yourself and who you are
A beautiful person with whom I want share
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Memories to which brings a smile

After a few pints my memory now recalls
Of playing with the band on the Christmas street crawls
Some posh houses we went to play a few tunes
And with sherry to warm our tubes
I still remember the scowls on the ladies faces
As the sherry was theirs and not for for male drinking
Even us kids got a belt or two
As long as we were hidden from the ladies veto
And now in the pub I sit with my wife
Its full of ladies, lunching, men rarely in sight
The merryment of yor no longer about
This progress? Well I darent say owt
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
[CENTERAnother day and change has begun
Insidiously changing how we think
Making it harder to just sit and reflect
Maybe appreciate this life we have

I have seen many changes in 63 years
Some I have even enjoyed
But there are some I remember when I reflect
I don't think we were ready for the changes they made

Inevitable progress of technology will not be stemmed
But I think there is a need to reflect on where we were been
I want to remember more of the happenings of my youth
Maybe I would appreciate were we have come

Walking through a Christmas town people seem just the same
Enjoying the sounds a brass band makes
Religious overtones in every note
Bringing back to basics what life means

People together smiling from the heart
Putting to the back troubles and strife
The players now tired of the same tunes
Brought back to life with the enjoyment that's felt

In reflection a constant of my 63 years has been
The value of the community and the joy that we bring
Recorded music played remotely is not the same
Is this an area technology cannot win?

[/CENTER]
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Resolution

Memories are recollections of times gone by
Come back to give you joy or make you cry
Sometimes as a guide of right or wrong
And a light to show the choices you have

All of your life memories are made
And then stored within your own brain
Then a time of life comes around
When the recollections being nothing but smiles

I now walk along the streets of my youth
Trying to recall where then I had been
Who I was with and who had I seen
To realise the changes that now in front of me

I visualise in my mind some people I knew
Only to find that they've gone to pastures new
Some faces I see a resemblance comes to mind
More images once locked my memory now finds

I sit more now, just to look around
It's like my mind has gone back in time
For I can overlap pictures to return the scene
To how it was for me when I was around

The scene as now, memories are still retained
But in stages as my mind grew and retained
New faces as my family grew introduced
New facets of my life which I buried in my mind

For my home town is important to me
Many details of which I wish my mind would free
For its here I feel happy and contentment full
Just as if I never left home

There a massive dark side grew in my life
When I moved to a new town with my wife
I couldn't settle and friend's left my life
It took many years to realise, but then I was on a dark slide

I have many memories good and bad
Which time I spend putting to rest
To destroy the worst and record the best
Would do a lot to put my anxiety and depression finally to rest

A promise I make now to myself
A New year's resolution I shall make
To write in rhyme about the best bits I recall
To eradicate anxiety and depression in all its forms
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
I really mean have a happy and safe new year

Another new year has come around
Making resolutions come to mind
Should I recycle those of yesteryear
Or just admit in-capability of those I choose

As I sit and ponder what I have done
A desolate feeling pervades my bones
In-security of my ability to see anything through
Relationship - listen, i'm talking about you.

It's at times like this when I know i'm 'down'
And don't want to go into town
To see others with false sentiment
To offer best wishes, that they obviously don't

I take solace in knowing this won't last
And I shall be able to interact and smile
But in the meantime my relationships sour
And this in itself makes me dour

So a resolution I shall recycle
To force myself into this world
Accept the highs and the lows
As part of life's high price I have to pay

 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Looking through the window at a cold January sky
Grey clouds go miserably scooting by
The trees are waving their boughs to me
As the wind torments all in its path it breathes

Neither sight nor sound of birds flying by
No colour to brighten our lives
Winter playing its cruellest of tricks
As the biting wind severs all links

The world goes into hibernation it seems
Leaving humans to live with only their dreams
Knowing spring will come like night and day
Gives the impetus to carry on this way

Shoots of green piercing through the ground
The introduction back of wonderful bird sound
The winds get lighter and dark buds appear on the trees
The promise of spring is soon to be revealed

But with human kind the same does not apply
For we are so difficult to understand
For myself my mood swings sometimes very quick
That’s why I’m left alone, companionship I do really miss

My dog died some 4 years ago
She stayed by my side through it all
I didn’t need to worry the same
Humans? Well that’s another tale

So I sit and watch the world
My wife just knits in her own little world
I don’t blame her for anything
I feel sometimes it would be better if I was gone

Now I mustn’t get ‘mawdling’, it’s not good to do
I tell myself ‘buck up’ and stop feeling blue
Okay things might not right now be the best for me
But I am in a far better place because with writing I can ‘talk’ you see
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
A sick individual

Let me feel the person you are
I need the physical-ness of your heart
To just be near you is not enough
But to be within the arms of the one I love

Carnal lust, I’m afraid comes to the fore
Being with you traps me within your lair
Then you dangle me at the end of a piece of string
Saying maybe one day I will let you in

Over 40 years now you have treated me this way
Our three children a result of our as one being
But to be with you enveloped within your arms
Cannot be matched by any other charms

In the past you may have been called a witch
As you have shackled me to the only person I cannot resist
Right now my mind is in turmoil
For to be just a friend I can never be

I easily and readily talk with others
Very occasionally I have been given offers
Then I baulk and slink away
Not understanding why we reacted this way

Now I restrict my meeting and talking
To only when in the presence of others
Keeping at arm’s length those that may come along
Or maybe it’s me that’s reading it all wrong

This frustration is a cause of much depression
For I feel I need that interaction
And not this imposed isolation
Maybe I am just a depraved and sick individual
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
A tear is waiting in my eye

The dawn is trying to light up the world
As the thunder of Lorries go howling through
The wind is currently in respite
Before it picks up again later on tonight

Monotonous colours are all I see
As sadly through the window I view
If it wasn’t for the trees, and the shadow they form
Everything is by the hand of man is made

It’s not a view to lighten depression
There is nothing to make the heart feel light
The weather forecast is much the same
How I dislike these winter days

As each day lingers on
Motivation becomes less strong
Isolation then breaks through
I worry what I shall be become

To talk is the answer I’m told
Alas writing not talking is my forte
For when talking I will not open up
But when writing my heart fills up

Many theories I have been advised
On the why and wherefores and how to survive
Somehow I have to open out and talk
That is the only way, I have no longer to suppress

My mind reverts back to my childhood times
When I received a hug and told all will be fine
10 years old being told I have to grow up
As one of my parents had to go to the world up above

Seeing the hardships of this world
My mother struggling just to keep hold
No state help or counselling then
Latch key and work was all that could be done

A bitter taste and a chip on my shoulder was left with me
Trust was a luxury I could no longer hold
‘People’ were ‘different’ when I was around
Being just a kid I just went to ground

Relationships I find hard to have
Although 40 years of marriage can’t be bad
But the loving trust I crave since my youth
Now seems to be just a myth

Opening up in words helps a little
For I have to accept what has been
I cannot change what happened in the past
But surely can help myself to just let me be
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Realisation

Sunday morning once again
And with the world I feel at one
Radio two makes me feel spiritually alive
Just sitting, listening and feel satisfied

The older I get the more I realise
That contentment is a state of mind
Separating the what if's to the here and now
Gives me a life context that I can realise

The what if's still try to infiltrate and take over me
But when challenged by the here and now
Slink back into the background where they should be
Now I've found a form of contentment where I can now see

So that's why I can now listen to music and smile
Listening to the presenters as through the programme they guide
Making plans for the rest of the day
Without contemplating what could make me cry

The news when broadcast can temper my mood
But awareness should not cloud my mind
For I look at my own here and now
And only work with problems that I can realise

With yet again another try at peace of mind
I no longer feel the need to succeed
For its not a trying thing that I am doing
As it's a realisation just to do what I can​
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Am I had or just sad

It really is strange this mind of mind
As it self indulges distorting what is happening all around
It's like something is watching outside of me
And laughing at the distress that it can see

Another part of mind readily knows
That this is actually a major flaw
That holds me back and won't let go
Until I'm tired and want to just hit the floor

Knowing this should aid the fight
To regain control of my mind
But then a tease it plays on me
Letting me think I've won this play

No one can really understand
This thing that is happening with my mind
For I always seem to battle through
Is this what I always have to do

Other people whom I meet
I get on with until the time is sweet
Then my mind distorts the things that are said
And my responses leaves them scratching their head

Then to make it even worse
I clam up and stay in my own universe
You can see the looks of bewilderment on their face
As I go away to stay in my own space

Most people I know accept me for what I am
A somewhat strange little old man
Are friendly in a remote sort of way
Knowing that I will never relinquish my own space

Right now I tire of this
And want to retire into my own abyss
No longer wanting an interaction
But that's a lie I need relationships

My wife would be distraught if she read this now
For she tries to be the friend my mind won't allow
I refuse to let anyone get close to me
I'm afraid of what they will actually see​
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Does it really matter, does anyone really care
Companies going bust with the working man left to pay
More will join the torment poor mental health brings
Whilst the financially rich in life just seem carry on

There are no easy or quick fixes
Irrespective of what politicians preach
For they are the core of the problems we face
For are they not a part of the financially elite

Labour, Conservative Liberal too
Rarely fight for a life that is true
Even the religious leaders rarely come to the fore
What are they there for

I used to work face to face with people with trouble
But was taken over by the graduates telling me
You can resolve just as well over the phone
Then there is no reason to call at all

So many calls I get each day
Promises of help they crow
Most are scams to relieve your wallet
So people are left with no help and mentally going chronic

This technological age has many benefits
But no face to help you surf it
Even citizens advice is hard to reach
As they in my area have no face it seems

Community action has to again come to the fore
To help ourselves locally before we go down anymore
I wish I could motivate myself to publicly speak out
Instead of just letting my inner being shout

 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Relaxing

More musical notes float around my head
Andante to largo relaxingly I'm fed
Meditation then comes to the fore
Making me relax even more

A march strikes up with a fortissimo force
I awake with a shout and fortzando curse
I retreat to a more suitable place
Once again into a more relaxed state

The twilight zone of the band comes through
Their dulcet notes are for me a boon
A gentle bass mimics my heart
Whilst the cornets float making there noise

Trombones sometimes add flavour too
Unless they once again rasp out the blues
When under the direction of a waving hand
Makes a truly relaxing sound

Collectively a Brass Band's range can be large
When players accept what composers say
Then a magic rips through the people there
Tingling 'goose bumps' then appear

These are the thoughts during a meditation time
When I can feel those wonderful sounds
Alas all good things come to an end
As reality hits back too soon

 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Resolution

Suicidal thoughts, it's not a good place to be in
For it limits your mental vision and then are unable to see
Any of the choices that will be available to reap
For when in a good place there are many, believe me

Then how to get there when you are so low
It's to give yourself time to go through all you know
Usually though those memories disappear like a cloud of smoke
Just when you need them the most

For me I've found that writing has kept my feet on the ground
As I can refer back to them when my mind is playing around
Then I can read, I have been there before
And I find my mind releases me once more

It's not a permanent solution or cure I know
But it has kept me going when I've been low
For I've found when it happens no-one has been around
When I've needed to be 'found'

Writing is my crutch, my lifesaver too
For I am unable to express my thoughts face to face with you
Many people I fear will be just like me
They need encouragement to find a place to renew

'Proffesional's' have there place
Although I've found them unable to understand my fate
So the tools I carry around with me
Have helped me with what comes my way

Don't over think - it's always for me been wrong
Don't keep it in your head write it down instead
I'd love to say that one day all will be well
But with my writing I feel like I am telling it to go to hell​
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Realisation

Sitting here and fed up again
No particular reason so I wonder why
Should I not be happy and smiling all the time
Is it actually okay not to walk around with a smile

Other people's expectations seem to rule my life
For I do try and not to seem miserable all the time
Times though like right now I just don't want to smile
There you are its not that I'm fed up, its others expectations they see

I do envy those who seem to go around with joyous smiles
I've also seen they are the first to hit the ground
For there emotions they show on there sleeves
Where it seems in me they are nowhere to be seen

So it seems I'm just a part of life's rich mix
Not really able for the inner me to be seen
I try to be strong and a rock for my family to bind
Really I should let them share, maybe then for me I can be 'found'

To think too deep without reasoning retort
Makes me think my thoughts now distort
To think and then share will aid my reason
A balanced judgement will then be my freedom

Now the trick is to make this work
And stop myself being in my solitude thought
My indulgent thoughts must come to an end
But to write them down with a pen
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Oh eck


This 'shell' I'm in closes ever tighter
As the voices of doubt become ever louder
Deep down I'm fighting to regain control
To burst and destroy this has to be my goal

I look on sites, advice to glean
CBT appears to be the theme
The last time they showed me the tools to use
Then left me to it considering I was no fool

I need to talk, face to face
With another member of the human race
Not a counsellor whom I do not know
For trust is an issue that causes internal furore

This is a cycle i'm in
One that I had almost won
Now back at work the same fears raise there head
It's taken me back years to when I wished I was dead

I've not gone down that low
But the signs are there on the door
My inner voice I have to encourage
To be free from self doubt and thereby worries

I sit and go through it day by day
Telling myself self doubt is not the way
Have faith in the work that I do
And take your time as statements you read through

I still need to open up and talk much more
This may be the key I am looking for
What is it that is stopping
From opening the door and being free

That, maybe, is the problem I face
For I am scared of what I may say
Can I really open up my soul
And let others know what makes me so
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Grandchildren

Sitting here by my nice warm fire
Having finished work, nice being semi-retired
Not for long as further tasks on me have been ordained
Grandad duties are now the order of the day

When I was young time and patience was few
An income was needed, I hope my children knew
Now time has moved on and I reflect
On some of the moments I missed whilst they were in the nest

My time and patience boundaries are now long
I help my grandchildren in this world we belong
I show them things I should have shown my own
And wind them up before they go home

As a grandparent I find I have a place
To bring a perspective they now face
For their parents too have busy lives
Trying to provide for their little lives

Alas though it is limited what I can do
For my family has upped and spread roots anew
But for those grandchildren I can't see as much
Believe in me when I say my heart has been touched

My imagination always runs riot
So you all being here I can mentally make out
Surrounded by a cacophony of laughter and noise
Surely that is what family life is all about

Anxiety and Depression regress in my mind
As I think of my grandchildren at this time
Priorities then seem to be brought back to me
And I give thanks to what my grandchildren mean to me
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Lost my job - again

'Things' are a little tricky right now
I've just lost my job and my mind is, wow
I can't tell if I'm mad or sad
Whilst maybe even wanting to laugh

The pressure for me was building fast
Too many people giving me too many tasks
And then they just finished me - just like that
And now here I am feeling like a lost little lamb

In a couple of days these feelings will fade
Another part time job surely will come my way
Until then I must 'soldier on'
Isn't it this that will make me a man

I just want cuddle up in the arms of the one I love
Alas some Northen women aren't made of this stuff
I love her though for what she is
And that's not what right now I miss

Poor old love, feeling down in the dumps
A silly voice keeps telling me to go out for love
But I know she loves me as much as I do her
But hearts on our sleeve we weren't taught to wear

I'm here on my own but not lonely
For I don't want to see another person
I just think I understand now when some say the time has come
I can no longer do the things I want

Soon I'll go for a walk
In the drizzly rain, I know I'll get soaked
It doesn't really matter in the scheme of things
I spend too long just living my life in a dream
 
M

Michael

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,362
Location
East Lancs
Passage of time

A persistent noise in the background I hear
Relentless, it won't go away
No matter what I do or think
The noise never refrains in reminding me what it brings

It's disturbing me in a strange way
For I cannot make it go away
Even when I turn my music up loud
Somehow I cannot forget its monotonous sound

Looking and listening I realise the source
A clock, reminding me that it is a limited resource
As it ticks it screams at me
Life is now, tomorrow you can only say, maybe!

No matter what others say or do
It has no relevance to the true you
Only family is a constant in life
And their memories made never bring me strife

Still the clock keeps ticking on
Even as I write it plays its song
Writing this now will forever remain
As the passage of time has now in my mind ingrained