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letters of explanation

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Polar Bear

Guest
I've just sent one. I feel sick. My mum's gp friend who once saw me following a suicide attempt. I'd gone to his house. This was three years ago. Not seen him since. He doesn't know I have bipolar disorder or that I was hearing voices that day. I just wrote to him explaining. Explaining what had gone on that day. Mixed depressive state. Dad had manic depression. That my problem had never affected my work. I work in a nursery. I worried he'd worry about that.

Whilst I might find relief that I've explained things I feel racing heart and horror at his possible reaction when reading the letter. It's posted now.

I worry he had already spoken to someone about me although that is unlikely but I worry.

Help!
Kelly x
 
rasselas.redux

rasselas.redux

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Disruption. Anything you can through yourself into. Take you away from the distress. Something you enjoy and time stops mattering.

But hes a gp. He'll be clued up. I expect you've already had to disclose your diagnosis to work place. Or doesnt it work that way?
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
It was a mixed state. I worry that he'd not have recognised it. Worried he'd have thought me an attention seeker.

Getting into flow is good advice.
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
Nobody at the nursery knows. I'd never have got the job if I'd have been honest I don't think. Let's hope I'm never unwell again!
 
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Katss

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What did you write, have you kept a copy of the letter, try not to dwell, just busy yourself with stuff to do, or you could ask them to reply or how your words came across? Its all communication, and at least you are reaching out and expressing yourself, try not to worry, don't worry I wrote a tirade to a pal the other night late and when I read it back it seemed awful, it was not personal but I was sort of shouting and she has not said anything back and really it would be better if people did reply? like your GP should aswel, to put your mind at rest. As long as its not abusive don't worry.

katss
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
Thanks Katss. No it wasn't abuse but apologetic and explaining what was going on with me mentally as I know gp's aren't that knowledgeable about bipolar disorder. Well that day I was acting bizarrely I think and wanted to make sure he knew it was because I was really ill.

I hope your friend replies. Sometimes we need to communicate as you say. Things need to be said sometimes.

Kelly x
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
What if instead of him understanding, he reports me as working in nurseries? I told him in the letter that I was confused that day, hearing voices, suicidal and in a mixed state. What if this horrifies him? He might be ignorant of mental illness. Plus I hate that I'm going to plant the memory back into his mind. I hate that he will be thinking of me tomorrow or whenever he reads the letter. What if he shows someone or posts it to someone. What if he finds out things about me I don't want him to know through other people? I'm torturing myself. I'm on the wine to cope. It's all I think about.
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
It will be read today. Probably. I feel stressed. I've put those other things out of my mind as anxious worrying and unlikely. I'm still worrying though. I'm nervous. Repercussions I hope not. Please no. Past present or future none. How can I get on with my day with this in my head.
 
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