Letter to attend examination...scared

[mynameispaul]

I have just received a letter to attend a medical and it has freaked me out . I haven't had one in years and avoid the doctors like the plague . My condition hasn't really changed in the years , sometimes I am fine and sometimes not ( I'm schizoid affective/ depression and all that entails , and am on care component DLA). I have also been ropey with medication in the past , on a number of occasions not taking my script to the pharmacy as I have either mislaid it or had a morbid fear of doing so ( I have not told my support worker this ) . Someone please tell me it is routine , I feel "specially selected" and am working myself into a state. Back on the fags and now gently caressing a whiskey bottle .

 

[Michael]

I want to give you some words that may help, but none are coming to the fore.
Maybe if you wrote your fears down and then looked at them you may be able get some semblance of order in them, then maybe you will be able to tackle them one at a time - even by writing us within the forum someone may be able to help.
I would like to say don't worry about the medical, all will be allright, but that is a bit hollow, I don't know you, you don't know me.
But what we can do is offer a hand upto, during and after the medical so you have no need to feel alone.
I wouldn't have thought you have been 'specially selected' but it may be a blessing in disguise - write down your thoughts and feelings and take it with you.

Best Wishes

Michael

 

[mynameispaul]

Thanks for the reply , really , thanks . I would write the thoughts down , but unfortunately the illness can make me many different people and when I start getting into a state like this , I may already know the answer but it's like a scientific inquiry eliminating all possibilities , even the most ridiculous . It takes a long time and the worst off all is that I am almost a bystander watching the process unable to help. There is also a further danger of degenerating into a too thorough examination of my thoughts , being too diligent in self examination , making connections that are not there and truly winding myself in spaghetti knots ( all praise be to His Noodley Goodness , Ramen ).
I'm waiting for my support worker to call me back , let's hope she phones before the alcohol turns me into a monstrous stream of consciousness.
Tip for anyone else in this situation , deeply depressing music does not appear to help much apparently ......at ...all...times...maintain ...sense..of...humour...