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Letter for CPN.. :\

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natasha244

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Hi, so as some of you may know I posted a thread a couple of days ago link -
HTML:
http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/thread102213.html
Basically, I wrote my letter to give to my CPN on Wednesday, but I don't know whether it's okay or not? I also don't know how to actually ask about the hospital, because I'm abit worried about what she will say, I have difficulty wording how to ask about it properly because of silly Aspergers, it sounds okay in my head but I can never get it out in way that others will understand - very frustrating!:sorry:

Anyway, this is my letter so far, do you think it's okay to give to her or not? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated

' I can't cope anymore, there's only so much one person can deal with before it becomes too much and I think I've well and truly crossed that line. I've been like this for years but it's almost as if the older I get, the worse I feel.. It scares me because I've tried 3 different medications now, and I've had CBT, DBT, CAT therapies as well as counselling and I'm still feeling the same. For the past couple of months I've been trying as hard as I can to use distraction techniques and to try and help myself but it's useless. I've dragged myself to sixth form as much as I can, I've forced myself to go out with friends when I would rather be on my own, but I don't feel any different. I can't even force myself to be happy, at Christmas time I felt so low and empty, and all I did was cry which made me feel guilty because everyone around me was happy and I wasn't, and you're meant to be happy at Christmas but nothing could've made me feel better.

I feel like no one can help me, I just want to give up to be honest because it would be so much easier. There's too much stress going on in everyday life that is just stopping me from even trying to get better, there's no way I can get better at the moment. Everything is piling up on me and making me feel worse - homework, classwork, sixth form, revision, mock exams, dealing with how I'm feeling, family things, friends. Everything is just too much, and the thought of dealing with it all just makes me feel sick. I just want to run away from everything. I can just about look after myself, that's how bad I'm feeling, it takes me hours to convince myself to just get a shower, or get dressed. This feeling is just never-ending.

I've some how dragged myself through the last few months but it's been unbearable and I've had enough. Everyday I think it would be easier to just die, I feel guilty when I think about dying but that's all I seem to think about now – I just want to stop feeling like this, and stop all the stresses going on around me and have a break from life. I just feel completely empty and alone, and it's horrible.

I just can't see things getting any better. I'm stuck in this endless cycle of horrible mood swings, going from angry to sad to suicidal to feeling nothing etc. I am literally at the end of my tether. I'm tired of not knowing what the hell is going on it my head, and I don't want to put up with it anymore. '


:unsure:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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First I just wanted to say i'm sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment. :hug1:
I would say that the letter is ok, in that it explains how you're feeling very clearly.
If you can find the courage to give it to her, hopefully she'll be able to read it and be able to understand how difficult things are for you.

Can I ask if you've been in hospital before? You may have already said on another thread, so sorry if you have.

Also, how will you feel if they say it's not possible to let you in?
 
D

Dottyone

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Hi Natasha, the letter your wrote explains a lot about how you are struggling, I think it would be a good idea to give that letter to your CPN on Wednesday, sometimes we can say more on paper than we can in words, I know I wrote letters quite a lot to my Psychiatrist/Psychologist.

Please hang in their and keep fighting, it can take a few years to find the right meds that can help with mood changes and you may also may cope better when you have finished your studies.

I wish you all the best and I hope the letter helps you get more support....

keep safe and don't give in. :hug:
 
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natasha244

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Thankyou for replying :)!

I have never been in hospital before, it's been brought up briefly in the past, but the person who brought it up said a week later when I mentionned it, that I wasn't 'hospital material' I don't know what makes hospital material tbh but yeah.... Basically I feel at this current moment in time, there is no other thing to do... I've been patient with myself as well as with the mental health services, I've tried medications that have either been increased or completely changed, I've tried distraction techniques, I was at CAMHS from 13-18 and did various types of therapy and one-to-one sessions, and I've been told that for therapy with the CMHT, its a 2+ year waiting list....
I don't know, I just feel at the moment it's impossible for me to get better with everything going on around me, and I feel like the amount I am hurting myself is increasing, I feel at hospital the opportunity to hurt myself would be decreased and it would give me the time and space to focus purely on getting better without everything going on around me, if that makes sense? :unsure:

I'm not sure how I would feel if they said no tbh, I think the biggest worry would be how I'm going to cope and get through the next couple of months - I'm just worried about actually asking incase they think different of me idk :BLAH:
 
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natasha244

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Thankyou for your reply :)

I agree, writing letters is the easiest way for me to explain what's going on I think..

I think the concern for me at the moment is that sixth form is adding to a lot of stress making me feel worse, but I can't leave because then that creates a lot of other problems for me, so really it's a no win situation :confused:

I hope the doctor finds the right meds for me soon, I don't know when I am next seeing him but tbh I'm not looking forward to it as I found our last appointment patronising and I left really upset so I'm weary about seeing him again anytime soon... I don't know just the way he was speaking to me made me feel worse about everything :\

:hug1:
 
U

utter madness

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I think it's a brave thing writing that letter and giving it to ur cpn would be a big step for u but hospital isn't always the best surroundings when u r feeling like u r I've been there the only good thing about hospital is it's a safe environment can I ask u what u want to happen if u got admitted to hospital if I was u I'd do all I can to stay at home it's the best place to be good luck hope u feel better soon
 
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Viktoria

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I think it's good to write a letter, especially if you have trouble expressing yourself verbally.

As for hospital, I agree with utter madness, I would try to stay out. It's not a great environment to be in and I'm not sure how you would benefit from it. I've had bad experiences in hospital myself and I think that's not unusual. I would if you really need to focus on yourself consider taking some time off school but staying in your home.
 
SomersetScorpio

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A 2 year+ wait for therapy?
It's no wonder you're feeling despondent. :hug1:

I think approaches are different depending on where you live, but if you were likely to go to the hospital you'd be referred to the home treatment/crisis team.
Just a word of advice, try not to pin your hopes on being admitted to hospital because from my experience, it's not likely to happen.
They'll tell you it's for all sorts of reasons i.e. it's for your own good, but I think a lot of it comes down to the cuts in services.

I'm not trying to upset you by saying this, I just don't want you to be disappointed if they don't agree to it.:hug1:

Hopefully if you give your CPN this letter, they'll understand that you need more support than you're currently getting and will be able to get put things in place to help you.
 
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natasha244

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I think the hospital thing is purely to keep safe, as at the moment everything is just too much - it probably sounds strange but I think I would be happy for just anythingto help me because I'm just desperate:confused: and my family really don't understand at all so that just makes me feel worse..

I think tomorrow I will give her the letter than I've written, but I won't ask her about the hospital... I will see what she says and whether there is anything that she can do/refer me to in the mean time
 
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natasha244

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I know yeah, it's such a long time to wait... By the time I get seen for therapy I could be 21, possibly even 22!:scared:

I've not got my hopes 'too' high for the hospital, as I know how bad the cuts are to the mental health services! I think it's more of a desperation for help, if that makes sense? I can't even not go to sixth form because my mum and her boyfriend will just give me grief for it, and I've been told if I leave sixth form I can go and get a job or find somewhere else to live... but I can't even do my voluntary work with the police anymore, and that's something I really used to enjoy - but the lack of motivation has just ruined everything :low: so I know I wouldn't be able to hold down a job, if anything it would add to my problems...

I think tomorrow I'm going to give my CPN the letter, but not mention the hospital and see what she says and whether she can do anything to help.. :hug1:
 
FuzzyPeach

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You should think about changing pdoc. Bad ones stay bad sadly.
 
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natasha244

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I am considering asking if I can see a different doctor next time I am due a review.. the doctor who I've seen for the past two times nearly made me cry, he just didn't understand me at all... If anything he made me feel worse! It's one of those where you sit there and think, 'How did you even get a job working in the mental health sector?!', just the lack of understanding and everything :doh:
 
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natasha244

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Would just like to thank everyone for their support and stuff.. I'm now umming and ahhing because I have just had a counselling session with RASASC and that was really emotionally draining and hard to talk about, due to the content that I'm not going to go into, so I don't know whether tomorrow I will be up for pouring my heart out, I fear it may be too emotionally overwhelming, I don't know whether that's a part of my Aspergers, or just my personality , but I find it hard to pick myself up after going into deep emotional things, it just drains me completely and I tend to zone-out, to the point I can't move or speak, it's quite scary actually... idk :sorry::nod2:
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Do you have a support worker? Do you feel that is something that you'd like? They may help you find the courage to carry on and motivate you :)
 
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