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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Let's learn how to communicate better

Y

ya woo hoo

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2010
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4
Location
Philadelphia, PA
I am not quite sure if this is the right section for this sort of thread. I figured that there should be a thread dedicated to the ways of communicating better.

Communication. What is it? Often times in any relationship (loved one, family, friendship) we say that "communication is key." I believe that because of that statement often times individuals who are dealing with depression and anxiety or any other mental health issues take it to heart that they are allowed to spill their hearts and emotions out to anyone. I often did this too.

I read that identifying with your feelings and using I-statements is a step in the right direction. Indeed it is. But now, how about taking responsibility to our feelings?

Do you often feel that when you're talking to a loved one or a friend you get frustrated that they are not "understanding you", or doesn't show enough compassion? Do you sometimes feel like what your loved one or friend says is indeed CORRECT, but it is not what you want to hear? Do you get frustrated at yourself as you are trying to communicate your feelings or tend to pause often because you can't put a word on how to communicate your feelings to others? Do you have a hard time treating your friends and loved ones like a THERAPIST, rather than a friend or loved one?

The purpose of this thread is to share tips and advice regarding how to:

-Communicate effectively
-Be an active listener
-Learn how to take responsibility for our feelings
-etc.

How do you communicate with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, dad, mom, brother, sister about your feelings?
 
iffybob

iffybob

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
4,858
Location
England
Why

That is part of why some of us are here, its because we find it impossible in some cases to explain the feelings and emotions that are outside the 'normal' experience or the magnitude of what many people feel or experience.

In some way we learn to communicate by reflecting off each other, we understand, and that makes it easyer for others not to feel so alone in what they feel.

Insanity is a rational responce to an insane situation, for many of us that experience this responce, it is a norm, a differnt norm from many, but our reality. Thus we communicate more easyly with each other.

What we have to 'learn' is to 'translate' what we feel and understand to others, whos lives do not give them direct access to the emotions and reactions that we have and experienced.

I am not sure it is completly possible....... and some people including professional , refuse to accept what we know , they are idiots and we should refuse to deal with them.

Well thats my possision........ boB .......... :innocent:
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
Sometime we forget her at mhf even that sometimes because our minds are not fuctioning right always you have to try to understand that others might not get your drift I have been so paranoid of late n in a frantic mind set I have imagined all sorts at one point I thought every single member here was just one person its taken me weeks to get that out of my head,n if it wasnt for all the good work thats happening for from the church because the mh services just dont want to know I would quite honestly of commited suicde just before christamas because thats how bad it got for me n I would logg in each day n I couldnt find any solace or inspiration but I made a great friend in unRxn shes helped meto not be so scarred of my computer once again she is special to me,soit is importantto try to understand peoples comments n threads etc which is why if I'm having a bad day I just mark posts read because I cannot cope with so much stuff in my head n its hard sometimes to understand where people are coming from I dont do humour so well n I admit it n a lotof the time I have to work with my perception which meanssome times can get it wrong has well as get it right its just admitting that sometime I am wrong but somethin g thatmy nan once said dont eat humble pie to know if you know you are so right.
Godbless JD:cool:
 
A

Apotheosis

Guest
Bob is right - The majority neither care or are not interested; & of those that do most of it isn't that people don't want to understand - it's that they can't - it isn't in their experience. The issue here is not so much communicating what we go though; in most cases there is no point even trying; the issue is that often peoples experiences are ignored & denied. It doesn't really matter how good I get at communication; in regards to being understood.

What I do try to do is be honest with others about the way I feel, rather than argument, defence or attack - i.e. - I feel hurt because you said this.....or I have difficulty in talking with you about this because.....in a calm & matter of fact way - that seems to work.

I am also reminded of the prayer of saint Francis of Assisi ~

Many different versions of the prayer exist. The most popular is the following:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prayer_of_Saint_Francis
 
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K

Kat667

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 16, 2009
Messages
95
Location
Bath
It's as if people think it's a bad mood you can snap out of. Others see BP as self-indulgence or laziness. My own husband has problems with it, he just doesn't understand what it is like and thinks i'm making excuses.
Other times I'm wired with ideas and feel great and it's like there is never a happy medium it's always either up or down extremes.
I found a mental health site about what to say and not to say to someone with manic depression, unfortunately most of the people I know always say the 'what not to say' stuff like how other people are worse off, why can't you snap out of it, etc...
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
omg imagine whot I have to go through these days there are now two us in our relationship with my poor mh now it takes some working out whot mind set we each are experincing and then have to try to act has normal has fcuk within a crowd because its not the sort of information that you disclose to a complete stranger, to feel safe when all the fcuk is going on around you is difficult enough n then you have to try to help each other whilst trying to maintain a "normal exsitence". Life sucks at times n trying to find balance is so important,my bf ended up with his gp the other day n I was so :cool: with that because my head was so fcuked at the time that I couldnt help him when he was on a high because I'm not trained in mh services n though sometimes I can offer an arm to hold on to I couldnt that day,we were both heads fcuked at onepoint last weekend it was so fcuking crazy so I always try to explain where I'm coming from if Iwrite something n havent given it much thought n then I'm dealing with poor physical health n I worry myself stupid that I'm doing everyone heads in. my bfwenton a :mad: binge just before christmas n caused so much damage to himself n me n I had to deal with all that n still try to maintain a balance in our lifes because I didnt just stop loving him n then we sat through a beyonce concert with all this hurt going on inside us both with my cousin being with us (because I had paid for her to come a long has a gift because she helps me so much with my mh) there isnt anything that I do with any kind of intentional malice sometime s I admit that I can get things wrong but thats where the buck stops with me, I have only one lover if your not my lover thren you are then a friend n there are degress of ffriendship and whilst I am all forgiving hurt me n I never forget, I have had to learnt to live all other again these last twenty years I get no respect from anyone for being a traditonal 50 year old man,like they say you can choose your friends but not your relations n since I have made amajor descion to fcuk my eldest brother out of my life because he abused me for years if I can make that kinda judge ment then I'm not quite has stupid has some people think that I might be,because I have replaced himwith a much greater ikon,I rstmy case. FCUK i've gone into one again it must be listening to you "you spin me round" by dead or a live JD
 
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