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Let's get depressing. :/

OobieMoobie

OobieMoobie

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I just feel like shit really. Like honestly, I just want to crawl somewhere and die. I wish I was dead.

This comes in "ebbs and flows". It's been better for a while until the last few weeks. Now all I want to do is lay down and not get up.

The only thing that kept me alive this long is having my brother (3) and my sister (7). I love them to pieces which is why I won't kill myself, but in a way I feel I'm almost trapped in this life by them. I spend my whole day neurotically praying that something won't happen to them.

I get no enjoyment out of anything. I have no motivation to socialise. I don't have any fun because I'm some pathetic neurotic teetotaler who can't let go of herself. I see no enjoyment in anything, just the things that can go wrong.

It's been ages since I felt this lame. This is just brain diarrhoea but I've pushed this on my boyfriend enough. I don't want to call samaritans because I'm useless when it comes to opening up to people and I'd just sit on the phone in silence trying not to cry.

Until a short time ago I had hope that I'd one day be happy. I've finally realised that there is no hope. I'll just sit on the school/work conveyor belt and never live. This society and the system we have means I can never be happy.

I just needed to get this out.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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it does help to get stuff out!!
we all have our ups and crappy downs. i have a lot of 'in the middles' neither happy nor sad- i call them my 'ok' days.

enjoyment will come with getting 'better', depression sucks all the enjoyment out of us. all our life just disapears- WHERE does it go??? when will we see it again??

its ok to feel like this, tomorrow is another day. write this one off and start again?
dont give up on finding 'happiness' however if you find it tell it im looking for it!
sending you hugs and positive thoughts
Fox
x
 
nutri

nutri

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Until a short time ago I had hope that I'd one day be happy. I've finally realised that there is no hope.
you cant know that for sure, & its possibel that you may be happy in a different way than you had previously thought.

I'm some pathetic neurotic teetotaler
nothing wrong with being teetotal
youre not to blame if you are neurotic
& "pathetic" is just an invalid judgement.
I dont think youre pathetic

You mentioned prayer, do you believe in a God?
 
J

jaxie40

Guest
Oobie, You can and will be happy again, though you will invariably have "low" days. Everyone does. You're not alone in having fears that something awful will happen to people you love either. I believe it's quite common with depression sufferers. I know I used to freak out a lot, and still do on occaassions.

Also agree with nutri, there's nothing wrong with not drinking! I know plenty judge those of us who don't drink. That's their problem, not yours! I find it a weird concept that people feel they have to drink or do drugs in order to have a good time. I can have a good time without either!

From what I've read about you through your posts, you're not pathetic, not by any means. You are you, and that makes you amazing :hug:
 
OobieMoobie

OobieMoobie

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Nutri: I don't like to call it 'God' if that makes sense. It's my own interpretation of some form of diety and God and prayer are the cloest words I suppose.

Thanks Jaxie + foxjo, that's very sweet of you. :)

I know there's nothng wrong with not drinking per say, but when you find it difficult to let go and enjoy yourself in the first place is when it can become frustrating.

I guess this is just one of those periods of time where I feel rubbish. Soon enough I won't feel so bad again.

but thank you everyone who replied
 
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