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Left alone and feeling down

R

Rea

Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2019
Messages
24
Location
The Netherlands
Hi all,

I am feeling really down.

I followed for 2 years and half a therapy in a mental healthcare practice where I was diagnosed for the first time with severe anxiety, depression, and trauma (my family was abusive).

My therapist some time ago notified me that she was pregnant but she kept assuring me with positive words that they were going to find a replacement.
I did the big mistake of trusting her cause she knew how much was going to affect me if something was going to be wrong.
They found as a replacement a new therapist that suggested me only 1 single (impossible given my situation) time slot available and they introduced me to her only after my previous therapy was over. Nobody warned me that the availability that I had was not suitable for her schedule. I am now in the situation where I will need to wait one month only for having a meeting with her to discuss why I can't make it and what is my issue. She is not answering my questions about clarifications and no alternative support provided from the practice in the meantime. I know that I will be in a fight and I will need to find someone else on my own.

This thing is devastating me deeply.

My illness destroyed my life... I could not keep anymore the competitive job in that company I always dreamed about.
A long-term relationship was over after some months of developing symptoms with my partner calling me mentally ill, crazy, and telling me that I destroyed his life.
When I found the courage of dating someone else I was often dumped cause I was told that I have a really complicated life.

My symptoms started to become a constant reminder about how much my life was miserable... But I got that therapy and, at some point, everything seemed to improve a bit. Now I am left with nothing and another war to fight.

It is always hard to realize how much your sufferance will be always ignored in the end.
You try to explain it, to understand it, to live with it.
It is hard to communicate it because most people won't understand it but you eventually manage it and you start to think that you found help...

A help, support, the light at the end of the tunnel... You may also start to think that one day you will recover and all the symptoms that destroyed your life for years will go away because now you found support.

But that is not true...
In the end, we are alone.

The therapy was in another city and during working hours, so I was always running to take my train regardless that it was sunny, snowing, I was feeling good or I was feeling sick. I negotiated with my workplace for working fewer hours and have an afternoon free for going there.

I went there when I was happy and doing well but also when I was crying because at some point I started to fear public transportations. But I knew that there was little alternative for me because that was a therapy I was not paying and they wanted to absolutely see myself face-to-face.

I wanted to recover, to receive help. I made it clear. But that did not mean anything...

All my entire life I was fighting for myself, but I feel so tired to do it because in the end it not going to mean anything.
I am so tired and left alone... I am aware that I will then need to handle all of this alone.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,164
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling really down and alone. I'm glad you got diagnosed correctly, but that's both good news and bad news. I'm sorry how your partner treated you. That was very mean to say those things. What do you think your main issue is--besides being alone?
 
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