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Leaving my man

Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
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2,192
Location
East of England
Decided I can't go on living with him any more (after 5 years) and yes I'm very sad about it and yes, it has to do with his mental health problems.

He has Asperger's, OCD, OCPD, depression and anxiety. What this means for me is, he isn't capable of having any empathy for other people so he isn't capable of considering my feelings, needs or wants whatsoever. I adapted to and accommodated his needs and desires for this long, but no more. I'm not getting anything in return. I have my own needs. I've got to the point where I think being alone would be preferable. I'm 63. There won't be anyone else.
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Yes your own needs are important. I'm sorry to hear this. Hopefully things will change for the better for you. With love.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Aug 18, 2013
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No worries :) Just ordered him a fleshlight online - should keep him satisfied until he finds the next poor gullible sap to abuse :D
 
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limichelle32

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Dec 31, 2014
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You sound like you did the right thing!! :) LOL to the Fleshlight!!
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
You sound like you did the right thing!! :) LOL to the Fleshlight!!
Hmmm that was borne of bitterness but not inapproriate...I think his MH problems make him incapable of viewing other people (not just women) in the same way as he views himself. It's about the inability to empathise.

Long ago he told me I would be easily replaced because he believed one woman was pretty much the same as another. Should have bailed out then :(
 
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UMPALUMPA

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Joined
May 15, 2015
Messages
1,802
All the very best with living alone, everyone needs love and empathy in a relationship to work.

I honestly thought you had spelt Flaslight wrong then I googled Fleshlight:redface::LOL:

All the very best living the quite life, I would not change it I prefer it. :)
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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12,750
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Europe
Sad to hear about another relationship hitting the rocks, but it sounds like you're doing the right thing so no need for sadness, he sounds like a bit of a creep to be honest. Easily replaced indeed!

Wishing you the best of luck in further life... :hug:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Well done for realising that you can't continue with this relationship.
It must be a hard decision to come to having 'invested' (for lack of a better word) so much into the relationship.
Your needs do matter and relationships have to be a two-way thing, and it sounds as though this one wasn't.

Whilst you were the one to make the decision to leave, it's still incredibly sad, I imagine.
So please look after yourself and take the time to let it all out. :hug: x
 
Poppy12

Poppy12

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Apr 8, 2012
Messages
844
Well done for making such a brave decision. He sounds like he wasn't really capable of love in its fullest sense - so you're better off alone. Be kind to yourself, hugs x
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Joined
Aug 18, 2013
Messages
2,192
Location
East of England
Thank you, thank you, thank you all for the brilliant supportive messages. You make me feel so humble. I'm still here, as it happens, but not entirely through my own lack of will. I booked a train ticket out for June 9th but that turned out to be the date of a rail strike. I had to phone a call centre in India and get a refund but it will be a few weeks before I receive it. I couldn't book another train ticket until I got my refund. I'm stuck here. My man has been making an effort. A big effort, in fact. No, nothing will ever change for him but you know I get this...so yes, I'm here again. I'm trying. I'm trying to love him...no it's not trying...I do love him but it's just so hard sometimes...his mind-set is so impenetrable and I'm excluded from it, but eventually we made love and that's always been a good aspect of our relationship so...I'm offering a message of hope, I think. It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone with MH problems but...relationships with ppl with no MH problems can be just as difficult. I know this. My message is, just don't give up too easily or despair too easily. Ever.

And for those of you who like a laugh...my ordering of a fleshlight for him caused me no end of problems. I regretted it almost instantly. It was a mean, taudry thing to do and beneath me. I had to try and cancel the order by pretending it was ordered without my permission by a wayward son. The firm (quite a good firm I think, 'lovehoney', for anyone interested) accepted this and promised me a refund but I had to 'refuse' the delivery so I had to wait for the knock on the door for several days with high anxiety...

Much love to you all xxx
 
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