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Leaving my BPD girlfriend after 9 months

E

EO

Member
Joined
May 24, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Peru
Hi all

I have decided to leave my girlfriend after 9 months. It wasn't an easy decision to make but I feel it is the only option I have. The problem is that whenever I say something she doesn't like she becomes really emotional and hurts herself or threatens suicide and I get scared and take back whatever I said.

I tried to leave her a month ago and avoided contact with her for a week to avoid this trap. One day she tried to OD and I was the only one around to take her to the hospital. When we returned to her house she became really emotional and started trying to hurt herself again and I ended up agreeing to move back in with her so that she wouldn't do herself anymore harm.

I feel like leaving is the correct thing to do but i'm scared of what she will do if I leave. She doesn't want to to contact her family for support and she has few good friends that live nearby that can support her. I feel like I am the only one responsible for her.

I feel like the situation is hopeless and I don't know what to do.

I would be grateful for any advice or similar experiences.

Thanks!
 
L

Lockpon

Well-known member
Joined
May 23, 2019
Messages
63
Location
UK
Even though I painfully relate to some of her behaviour (namely stressing my partner out by stupidly accidentally ODing), which I deeply regret and and am ashamed of, I think you are probably making the right decision in leaving her if the relationship is too stressful for you.

You are not her caregiver and you are not responsible for her. Even if the worst happens and she harms herself due to the relationship ending, you are not a bad person for getting out of a relationship that is damaging you.

All you can do is encourage her to seek help with the resources she has available and it is on her to follow that advice. It is not your fault if she does not.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
871
Location
Norfolk
Hi all

I have decided to leave my girlfriend after 9 months. It wasn't an easy decision to make but I feel it is the only option I have. The problem is that whenever I say something she doesn't like she becomes really emotional and hurts herself or threatens suicide and I get scared and take back whatever I said.

I tried to leave her a month ago and avoided contact with her for a week to avoid this trap. One day she tried to OD and I was the only one around to take her to the hospital. When we returned to her house she became really emotional and started trying to hurt herself again and I ended up agreeing to move back in with her so that she wouldn't do herself anymore harm.

I feel like leaving is the correct thing to do but i'm scared of what she will do if I leave. She doesn't want to to contact her family for support and she has few good friends that live nearby that can support her. I feel like I am the only one responsible for her.

I feel like the situation is hopeless and I don't know what to do.

I would be grateful for any advice or similar experiences.

Thanks!
You cannot stay simply because of emotional blackmail. If you do you will only continue to suffer. However, be aware that relationships ending for BPD sufferers can be deeply traumatic. I would inform family and friends of hers that you have left as that way you’ve done all you can.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,439
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
You are not responsible for her behaviour towards herself, I have BPD myself and cause of this I will not getinto relationships now cause its not fair on other people :hug:
 
E

EO

Member
Joined
May 24, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Peru
Thanks all for sharing your experiences and advice. I guess I have already come to the conclusion that leaving is the right thing to do. What i'm struggling with now is the logistics of it and trying to minimise the impact on her. I don't want to just disappear without saying anything to her, but the reality is that talking to her will achieve nothing. Equally I don't want to block her phone number but I know that if I don't eventually I will have to respond to an emergency and I will get roped back into the relationship. I am trying to build a support group around her to support her when i'm gone but it's difficult because she doesn't want anything to do with her family, and few of her friends even know about her condition.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,223
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
wow this is a hard one- I thought I would die when my fp left me over a year ago I was heartbroken overdosed and hurt myself badly
but now I have no feeling toward him at all

I think your ending the relationship is the right thing ,you can't stay with somebody out of guilt and fear

just try and make sure she has lots of support around her when you end it love Lu xxxx
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,439
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Thanks all for sharing your experiences and advice. I guess I have already come to the conclusion that leaving is the right thing to do. What i'm struggling with now is the logistics of it and trying to minimise the impact on her. I don't want to just disappear without saying anything to her, but the reality is that talking to her will achieve nothing. Equally I don't want to block her phone number but I know that if I don't eventually I will have to respond to an emergency and I will get roped back into the relationship. I am trying to build a support group around her to support her when i'm gone but it's difficult because she doesn't want anything to do with her family, and few of her friends even know about her condition.
Does she have professionals willing to help her as well? :hug:
 
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