Learning.to Let Go

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greatfulmomoftwo

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#1
Needing to learn how to rid myself of people that aren't good for me...I need people who are encouraging and accepting on my journey to wellness
 
messymoo

messymoo

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#2
It's hard to rid your life of people that are not good for you. I suppose at the end of the day you got to do what's best for your wellbeing, even though it doesn't feel nice at the time. I guess you have to look at the long term benefits. I recently ended a friendship that wasn't working out. It was difficult but I'm doing so much better without her in my life.
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#3
Mine is a mom figure I have had for 30 yrs. She got "burnt out" due to the behaviors associated with my BPD. She cut off the relationship and said to my therapist that she would be there once I get healthy. I feel so abandoned and rejected but at the same time I'm sure it gets tiring to try and help someone with this disorder. I cry all day long. I miss her so so much. I was so dependent though and to try and break this is so hard. Is she right in breaking off the relationship to end the dependency or should I just let go since I feel like she isn't being there for me during the tough times?
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#4
I meant to applaud you in releasing your friend who apparently wasn't healthy for you. It's hard to so and it's hard to let go. I pray that things work out for you...you appear to be getting healthy.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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#5
I got rid of everyone who didn't care, now its just me my bf and son and my relationship with bf sucks.

It will make you a stronger person getting through this :) and she will be so proud of you when you do! I can imagine it is tiring for non sufferers having to support us. But for me I just keep it all to myself anyway, i think that is why I'm so angry tho! Maybe she wants you to be able to stand on your own two feet and the only way she feels this can happen is with some 'tough love'
You'll like it here im sure, everyone is nice and very supportive :)
 
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MarlieeB

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#6
Last year I let go of someone who I considered a forever friend. It was such a hard decision that I made over a few months. I kept on convincing myself that she would change but she never did.

When I finally did it, it was so hard at first because I literally cut of all contact (after explaining to her of course) including blocking her from places because I needed to not be tempted.

I'm glad I did it because she then decided to start contacting my best friend and family (and anyone who knows me, knows not to talk to my family about me) and showed her true colours.

x
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#7
You right...she said it's tough love and that she just wants me to stand on my.two feet. The ache and emptiness that comes along with bad is weighing heavily. I cry non stop some days because I feel like she ripped the carpet out from under me. That longing to be loved and belong is so strong. I know I've put her through hell with my disorder and I apologized. I am going to therapy and debt group now which is helping but she still wants me healthier before she comes back into my life...if she ever does. I hate waiting and wondering if I will ever see her again. I pain is so excruciating. She has blocked all forms of communication until I get stronger. I love her so much and I miss my rock that I've had for so long.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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#8
I guess I'm lucky I've never had anyone like that in my life to miss so i can only imagine what is like. I hope she waits for you and that you can stay strong. The forum is full of wonderful people :)
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#9
Thank you so much...I hope and I pray daily that she waits as well. I am sorry that you haven't had this in your life...it saddens my heart. I love her more than my own mom. I just pray I get better. Thank you for responding tonight!!
 
D

Deliah

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#10
Hello there greatfulmomoftwo, I know this is feeling really difficult for you, but it could also be a wonderful gift. She has given you the possibility of learning to look after yourself, of learning your own strength. She has step back and given herself the kindness she needs too. You have what you need within you, you are just used to relying on someone else to help you feel better. Now you can learn to rely on yourself. You will find her (yourself) far more dependable. If your friend comes back into your life, that's great and if not you will find your way and find new people in your life. love to you D x
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#11
oh Deliah, thank you so much for your input!! Last night was the first time I looked up my diagnosis of BPD and just researched what it really was and to my surprise I am a classic text book case. I never realized the hell I put her through with my choices and behaviors. I am feeling quite guilty today. I know she is taking care of herself after sticking with me through the most difficult times of my life. I am scared to death to become independent after having her take care of me for the past 2 yrs while I was "sick". Now that I am better and capable to be on my own I need to find a way to do that and it scares me. she is working closely with my mental health counselor right now but refuses to have any contact with me. I guess she still cares or she wouldnt be still involved. Deliah, this is so hard. Please pray I find the strength within me to be strong again and able to be on my own two feet. Thank you for your support today...I so appreciate it a lot.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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#12
Keep communicating on the forum when your down, keep you appointments and you'll get there!
It makes me a little sad as my mother has been virtually non existant to me in my life even tho her and my dad were together through my childhood. My dads new wife ishelpful though. I trust her more than my mum and when I need help with someone to look after my son i ask her but I know she suffers with PTSD herself so i don't burden her with my problems and although I haven't told her about my depression I'm sure she knows.
 
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Deliah

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#13
Hey, that's absolutely ok. I'll pray for you tonight. I have a suggestion for you. Prayer can be so powerful and even more so if we pray like we believe we have already received what we want. For example, when I pray I say things like 'thank you for the gifts I will receive tomorrow', 'thank you that I have all the wisdom I need'. 'Thank you for the friend ships I will make'. Say it like it's true and you believe it and feel really grateful. Magic will come into your world. love to you tonight. Like you say your friend cares very much she just can't give so much of her self for now. You will feel scared, this is new for you and you don't yet know your power, but I know that you are very powerful. love D xxx
 
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greatfulmomoftwo

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#14
Oh Delia thank you!!! I too believe on the power of prayer. Praying as if I already received God's answer to my prayer is something I already do. I will be honest in that I have trouble with faith. I know God's hand is in this situation yet I doubt at the same time. Praise Gof he knows we are human. Please keep praying for me and this situation. God blessed me with this site of new friends so the desire to contact her has diminished greatly. God bless and I hope we talk soon.
 
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Deliah

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#15
Love to you again. You have everything you need already. There's no need to search for it. It's in you. Ask yourself questions and the answers will come. Instead of 'I don't know what to do' say I am grateful that I have all the wisdom I need for this life and that the answers will come to me. I never have to work a thing out because my wisdom is available to me. I do mindfulness practice, which I really recommend. I have voices and a very visual and creative mind. I am able to sit as the observer of it. Things have become easier and easier for me. I also use dialoguing with my voices. I don't believe in god as such but more in the universe and a connection with it and all people. Like one energy. I thank the universe. Sometime I thank my own mind for it's wisdom. How ever you do it and whatever you believe it is connecting with love. You can always pm me. Maybe your doubt will disappear if you can believe that god has all the wisdom you need, maybe that helps you. love D x
 
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Purple butterfly

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#17
I'm sorry greatfulmomoftwo I've only just seen this, sorry I couldn't of chipped in earlier take care x x
 
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Aniket

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#18
Getting rid of people who doesn't offer any good to you is impossible. Hiding from people won't going to bring you any good. But if you really want people who encourage you in your life, then first encourage yourself by your own. Happiness lies within you. Increase your self confidence, and know your self respect. Ignore the negativity and let the positive things happen. If people are not good to you, then just ignore them. This is the secret of happy life. If people doesn't like you then it's their fault not yours. And remember the fact that you are not born to impress, you re born to express.

If you want other to believe you, then believe yourself first.
 
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