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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
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41,421
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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
i have felt more and more like i want to die
i have no one to talk to ,i try but seems disinterested

i say this over and over but i want my mum ,no one ever cared for me before or since like she did

i don't get why there has to be a reason for me to feel bad

i feel awful ,really unwell
detached ,low and scared

im stuck in my own mind with my thoughts worries and feelings

i really really truly believe i am capable of ending my life ,its like im waiting around just in limbo to be pushed over the edge

i don't think i will survive when my aunt dies ,and she is so elderly and unwell at the moment

being in a coma would be lovely ,just a few weeks of not thinking
i just want to be unconsious to escape my thoughts and emotions
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,421
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
why does there have to be a reason to be unwell?
im tired of trying to justify feeling poorly

if you knew ,what i had been through ,and what i go through,people would not think having a partner miracley cures things
 
W

wednesday addams

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Joined
Aug 20, 2021
Messages
452
Location
the attic with my headless doll
Hello fairy lu, I really relate to what you're feeling. I miss my entire family but especially my parents. I wish I could sleep forever and not have to deal with life. It's not fair, death is not fair. I know you're suffering and I also know a partner can not be the answer sometimes. You will be ok, please believe that, you can do whatever you need to. Hugs to you from USA.🤗
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
1,935
why does there have to be a reason to be unwell?
im tired of trying to justify feeling poorly

if you knew ,what i had been through ,and what i go through,people would not think having a partner miracley cures things
I hear you. I think this is partly why I used to self harm, because at least then I had a visible REASON to not be "ok".

I've given up saying how I feel to people. If it's anything not positive, I'd get asked "Why?" and they meant well, but then I'd have to think of some sort of reasons for being unhappy, angry, etc. And why must there always be one? Sometimes I felt like saying sarcastically "Because my brain's defective, that's why!"

And yes, having a partner, even if they're amazingly wonderful, cannot fix things. They didn't cause the feelings, so how can they fix them?

I'm so sorry you lost your mum. 🥺 It's my absolute worst fear ever to lose mine. I can't even think about it.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,421
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
thank you very much both of you

i feel a bit better ,but i know the dark feelings will come back
for some reason i struggle at night
i rarely self harm anymore ,as it distresses hermit when i do it
that used o be the way of dealing with my feelings

i have been extremely low lately ,more so than usual ,more depressed than anxious which is unusual for me

i had to change medication ,as mine there was a problem with distribution
im feeling a bit more odd since then

i will quote someone i used to know

there is no WHY in depression

,literally anyone can feel it ,old young poor rich
i just hate feeling like i have to have a reason for feeling bad-sometimes i do ,sometimes i don't
its just there x
 
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