
jax
Well-known member
I actually posted this on a forum I go to a lot but the Bipolar section of the forum is not used much; so I thought that I would put it here too to see if I get any replies.
My illness really frightens me at times. I cycle very quickly as I have said before in here. At times, many times a day. My swings are usually gradual from one to the other. Last week - I was in a depressive mode for a few days. I came home from volunteer work and sh'd. Just a few hours earlier - I was extremely happy again and most likely high. I thought that it was crazy that just a few hrs earlier I sh'd harmed when I felt great again. Well . . . that was nothing. . . .
My nurse had said I was very high Monday. I did feel high. Last night I had the rabbits in and was enjoying them hopping all over and having fun. (I'd impulsively bought the two baby rabbits last week) I was writing an email to a friend and talking about the rabbits in the email. I was writing away to my friend and then all of a sudden I broke into tears. The tears just came from nowhere. I actually sobbed for about 30 minutes or more. I have not cried like that for a long time. It was crazy. No reason at all for the tears. I felt so depressed. There was no reason for the tears or depression. They just started out of the blue. When I stopped crying and calmed down. I thought to myself - wtf?? I felt like a mad person. I mean , my God - that is not normal. It is the first time that I actually saw a mood swing occur in such a short period of time. Just at the click of the finger. It made me feel frightened and scared of my illness.
My Pdoc and nurse have told me my illness is extreme and that usually Bipolar patients have long periods of stability. I have had only 3-4 weeks of stability in 3 1/2 yrs. Last night, I saw the extreme side of my illness. It is absolutely scared me and made me feel so frightened that my mood can change so abruptly. I have never seen this before in me. When I was last in hospital I had been told that my mood changed like it did last night but for some reason, I can't remember it happening hospital.
It is so scary that with all the medications that I am on - that I still am having the problems I have.
My illness really frightens me at times. I cycle very quickly as I have said before in here. At times, many times a day. My swings are usually gradual from one to the other. Last week - I was in a depressive mode for a few days. I came home from volunteer work and sh'd. Just a few hours earlier - I was extremely happy again and most likely high. I thought that it was crazy that just a few hrs earlier I sh'd harmed when I felt great again. Well . . . that was nothing. . . .
My nurse had said I was very high Monday. I did feel high. Last night I had the rabbits in and was enjoying them hopping all over and having fun. (I'd impulsively bought the two baby rabbits last week) I was writing an email to a friend and talking about the rabbits in the email. I was writing away to my friend and then all of a sudden I broke into tears. The tears just came from nowhere. I actually sobbed for about 30 minutes or more. I have not cried like that for a long time. It was crazy. No reason at all for the tears. I felt so depressed. There was no reason for the tears or depression. They just started out of the blue. When I stopped crying and calmed down. I thought to myself - wtf?? I felt like a mad person. I mean , my God - that is not normal. It is the first time that I actually saw a mood swing occur in such a short period of time. Just at the click of the finger. It made me feel frightened and scared of my illness.
My Pdoc and nurse have told me my illness is extreme and that usually Bipolar patients have long periods of stability. I have had only 3-4 weeks of stability in 3 1/2 yrs. Last night, I saw the extreme side of my illness. It is absolutely scared me and made me feel so frightened that my mood can change so abruptly. I have never seen this before in me. When I was last in hospital I had been told that my mood changed like it did last night but for some reason, I can't remember it happening hospital.
It is so scary that with all the medications that I am on - that I still am having the problems I have.