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Lashed out

C

CedarLake

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This morning I just lost it with my mum. It was over something silly, but I was just so agitated and when she said she would be happier if I moved out I just lost it. I was shouting, punching doors, basically throwing an adult tantrum. I haven’t lost my temper like that in a while, and I just feel so disgusted with myself. I had a borderline rage in front of my younger siblings and feel ashamed, it feels like I’m the negative influence in my families life and that they would be better off without me, I’m just so angry with myself
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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thats called: rage

the 3 levels of anger are:
1-rage
2-anger
3-assertive

rage is raw emotion

assertive is pure intellect

healthy anger is in between the two. a balance of emotion and intellect. the energy of emotion and the control of intellect

anger at life is pointless. with life you can only accept. and work to slowly improve things.

rage towards people is often caused by bottled up issues. your not expressing your anger naturally and immediately in real-time with people so it gets bottled up then explodes out as rage later.
 
C

CedarLake

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
21
Location
UK
thats called: rage

the 3 levels of anger are:
1-rage
2-anger
3-assertive

rage is raw emotion

assertive is pure intellect

healthy anger is in between the two. a balance of emotion and intellect. the energy of emotion and the control of intellect

anger at life is pointless. with life you can only accept. and work to slowly improve things.

rage towards people is often caused by bottled up issues. your not expressing your anger naturally and immediately in real-time with people so it gets bottled up then explodes out as rage later.
thank you, that makes a lot of sense. It was definitely rage I think. I wish I could just calm myself but it feels like something is broken in me
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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thank you, that makes a lot of sense. It was definitely rage I think. I wish I could just calm myself but it feels like something is broken in me
until you make the unconscious conscious it will direct your life and u will call it fate
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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This morning I just lost it with my mum. It was over something silly, but I was just so agitated and when she said she would be happier if I moved out I just lost it. I was shouting, punching doors, basically throwing an adult tantrum. I haven’t lost my temper like that in a while, and I just feel so disgusted with myself. I had a borderline rage in front of my younger siblings and feel ashamed, it feels like I’m the negative influence in my families life and that they would be better off without me, I’m just so angry with myself
I wonder how you are feeling right now? What happened sounds traumatic. Would explaining the build up to this be of some help/release (no need to divulge personal details). Hope you are in a better place etc. at the moment :hug:
 
C

CedarLake

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Location
UK
I wonder how you are feeling right now? What happened sounds traumatic. Would explaining the build up to this be of some help/release (no need to divulge personal details). Hope you are in a better place etc. at the moment :hug:
basically I’ve been feeling really awful for weeks.I’m really stressed from work, my bpd symptoms are flaring up and I’m starting to idealise a married women which can only end badly. I can’t deal with so much going on in my head and I feel really on edge because of it. None of that is an excuse for how I acted but it’s the background. Then this morning me and my mum had a row about who could have a bath, I wanted one cus I was working. She came down and said If I don’t like it I should move out, I said fine and she said “good”. I felt so abandoned and just went crazy as I’ve said. I’ve apologised to my mum since but I still feel this urge to punish myself
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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You sound like you have a lot going on and all at the same time. How are things between you and your Mother now? Do you think she just saw red and said things in the heat of the moment, or do you think things are more serious than that :hug:
 
C

CedarLake

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You sound like you have a lot going on and all at the same time. How are things between you and your Mother now? Do you think she just saw red and said things in the heat of the moment, or do you think things are more serious than that :hug:
I think she’s hiding a wish that I would leave. She’d never say it but I cause too much trouble for her and she clearly gets annoyed at me on my manic days.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Sounds like she lacks a understanding of you... You never mentioned your age, unless I missed something (my bad if you did, please accept my apologies in that instance)... Seems to me you are a bit confused yourself right now, so going into details with your Mother could be troublesome for the pair of you at this present time... Are you safe and secure at the moment, do you feel under threat you might be asked to leave :hug:
 
C

CedarLake

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Sounds like she lacks a understanding of you... You never mentioned your age, unless I missed something (my bad if you did, please accept my apologies in that instance)... Seems to me you are a bit confused yourself right now, so going into details with your Mother could be troublesome for the pair of you at this present time... Are you safe and secure at the moment, do you feel under threat you might be asked to leave :hug:
i don’t think she will kick me out, she probably wants to but I don’t think she’d go as far as make me homeless. I feel safe and secure from others but not myself, winter is always been high risk for me and I feel worse this winter than in previous ones
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Thing is, if she knew your struggles, and how much hard work you have put in to dealing and trying to resolve them, her entire mind-set towards her perception of you right now would be turned on its head... She might even be in a position where she can help? Have you spoken to your GP etc. about all of this :hug:
 
C

CedarLake

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Thing is, if she knew your struggles, and how much hard work you have put in to dealing and trying to resolve them, her entire mind-set towards her perception of you right now would be turned on its head... She might even be in a position where she can help? Have you spoken to your GP etc. about all of this :hug:
well I’m in therapy (MBT) and have been in and out of wards so she does know the extent of it. I’ve tried to communicate how I’m feeling to my therapists but I don’t really feel I’m being heard, and when that happens I tend to stop talking
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Do you think you can find a way to be heard? Thing is sessions are surely meant to be about changing things around for you, and I would have thought with that in mind your opinions matter a lot?
 
C

CedarLake

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Do you think you can find a way to be heard? Thing is sessions are surely meant to be about changing things around for you, and I would have thought with that in mind your opinions matter a lot?
Problem is I sometimes struggle to put what I’m feeling into words, and I don’t think me and my therapist have enough of a connection for her to understand me. My group therapy is chaos so nobody gets a word in edgeways anyway
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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It can be difficult, but if your Therapy sessions aren't going in the direction you find helpful, it's time to say something like "Can we go into xyz a bit more" or something like that. This may well prompt your Therapist to ask you to explain what you mean a bit more, e.g. be a bit more specific. This should give you the opportunity to steer your session into areas which are giving you more concern etc. He/she might even encourage you to do more prompting in future... Hope this helps :)
 
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