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Lacking in knowledge and experience

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EnglishRose96

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Feb 19, 2015
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Hi I'm new on this forum and am in need of some guidance.

for the past few months my boyfriend has been telling me how depressed he is and how he wants to commit suicide. He believes that by doing this, he will be helping everyone as he is "a waste of space". I know that talking to others about these feeling can be hard, and I'm grateful that he has told me his feelings, but I do think he should try and talk to an more experienced person. I have been reading up on the subject and trying to gain as much information I can to help him but I'm just so frightened and scared that he is going to do something to hurt himself and I wont be able to stop him. I'm really hoping that someone has some advice how to help him and myself cope with all of this. Thank you.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Hi EnglishRose96, welcome to the forum.

It is natural to be concerned about your boyfriend and want to help him. I think you have to encourage him to talk to his doctor. There is a lot of help available for depression these days, but also if he is thinking about suicide you should take that very seriously and try to persuade him to get help right away. Once he understands that he can be helped and doesn't need to feel this way he may get some relief.

Also it is good that you have been finding out as much as you can, it would be good if he did too. There are a lot of websites that give good advice on mental health, like Mind, Sane, Rethink, the Depression Alliance, some have fact sheets and helplines. Even if you google suicide you will find some very good sites that talk you through reasons not to commit suicide - I have found some helpful.

I hope this gives you some ideas.
 
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EnglishRose96

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Feb 19, 2015
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Hi SarahD, thank you for the advice.
I have brought up the idea of going to the doctors but he refuses to see them. He thinks that if he goes he will het lost in the system and they wont help. Everytime I bring this up as a solution he gets mad and says that he doesn't want to be drugged up. I just don't know what to do to help him.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Generally you have the right to refuse any medication they try to give you, you know. so I think his fears are not particularly well founded. This is the kind of thing he should discus with his doctor, who should be able to refer him to services. It sounds like he has a few issues to talk through, and the sooner the better, before the suicidal thinking gets too established.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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One thing he could do is join the Depression Alliance. He could find out if they or other organisations have a local group where he could meet and talk to people who have had similar experiences.

If he doesn't want to take drugs therapy could help. If he can afford private therapy there is more choice. But even the,GP could refer him. For CBT. I think also there are various other approaches that could be tried, local health services sometimes do counselling, even telephone counselling, and provide handouts that go along with the course and guide you through trying to work things out yourself.

If he is seriously depressed and suicidal he has to take the first step. Sometimes depression does just last for a period and get better by itself. But it can become a chronic problem. Tell him also that if he tries drugs he won't necessarily have to stay on them longterm, and if he doesn't get on with them he can always stop.

I hope you can convince him to get help, even to find out if there are self help,groups locally.
 
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EnglishRose96

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Feb 19, 2015
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England
He has mentioned organisations such as the Samaritans but wont talk to any of then because people have said that they just talk from a script. I know it sounds selfish, but I need him to talk to someone who is far more experienced in this. I don't want to be the only person who knows that he is feeling like this because if does happen then its all going to be blamed on me. But I cant make him tell anyone.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I think SarahD's suggestion of self help groups such as the Depression Alliance is a good one. You meet real people, and it's not as pressured as confessing your innermost thoughts to your GP. There is no script they read from, but instead these are your peers, people who are suffering the same as you. A friend of mine goes, and he finds it very useful.
 

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