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Lack of social interest

L

LinuxGuy

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What's the purpose of being a social being? I don't get the purpose when you just end up getting ignored or shunned.
 
blacksmoke

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yep i know that one. and everyone has a partner.... i stopped even making the effort a wee while ago
 
Kerome

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Well, ultimately we are all having a human experience together here on this dustball called Earth. If you think of how vast the cosmos is, it is a miracle that we are here at all. Little specks of blood and bone and brains thinking that they are conscious, self aware. Most people though are only half awake, sleepwalking their way through life.

So what greater purpose than to spend time together, be kind to each other, accomplish things together, and perhaps wake each other up a little more? The destiny of most humans is closely linked to the people around him. We are after all interconnected - you could not exist without your mother or father, and your mind would not be what it is without the influence of your close friends.

So we continue to try, be compassionate and kind, and not speak evil of each other. Every person has some burdens to bear, but there are also pleasurable moments. Company can be great joy.
 
Jaminacaranda

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I admire your positivity Kerome, but to me you are talking about ideals rather than reality. I agree with Linuxguy, because I've got to the point where socialising with other people feels pointless or else emotionally punishing.
 

cpuusage

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Well, ultimately we are all having a human experience together here on this dustball called Earth. If you think of how vast the cosmos is, it is a miracle that we are here at all. Little specks of blood and bone and brains thinking that they are conscious, self aware. Most people though are only half awake, sleepwalking their way through life.

So what greater purpose than to spend time together, be kind to each other, accomplish things together, and perhaps wake each other up a little more? The destiny of most humans is closely linked to the people around him. We are after all interconnected - you could not exist without your mother or father, and your mind would not be what it is without the influence of your close friends.

So we continue to try, be compassionate and kind, and not speak evil of each other. Every person has some burdens to bear, but there are also pleasurable moments. Company can be great joy.
i do agree with all that - i feel that everything can be seen as being pretty miraculous. My sweetest moments are with some of the people in my life.
 
Jaminacaranda

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Again I don't disagree, CPU, but I think you have to appreciate that some people simply don't have anyone in their lives who give them anything positive whatsoever, and if, like me, you perceive that as being a fairly constant condition of your life, is it that difficult to understand that you just give up and eschew social relationships altogether? And please don't go down the victim-blaming route by implying 'It must be something you're doing wrong'. I don't deny that I don't conform. I'm not on any social media websites. I can't do 'small talk'. I don't have the unproblematic, mostly happy life that other people apparently have - certainly my former friends who I meet with very occasionally and with whom I feel like an alien and become almost totally mute. They have not lived in the same world as me and I know damn well if I told them the truth, when they ask me 'How are you?', they would be sympathetic, of course, but that would be purely 'politeness' and inside they would be horrified, recoil and quickly change the subject because you just can't introduce a negative note in social situations, can you? It's all an act and a waste of my time.
 
American Boy

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Everything is dead today its all gone down the toilet, yawn yawn and more yawns I could sleep and dream of better things than reality
 

cpuusage

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Again I don't disagree, CPU, but I think you have to appreciate that some people simply don't have anyone in their lives who give them anything positive whatsoever, and if, like me, you perceive that as being a fairly constant condition of your life, is it that difficult to understand that you just give up and eschew social relationships altogether?
i can understand it. Have given up trying to impart some of the Hell i went through, other people can't comprehend it & what point is there trying to explain/go over it all, & trying to find an answer to it all? For something as to which there probably is No answer.

Life is hard - there's No point pretending otherwise.

However hard, & whatever the circumstances i also feel that ultimately there is a level of personal responsibility for our own life. We do have free will & choice. We can change certain things, especially as adults. There are ways of persevering with reaching out to & connecting with others, of searching for people with whom there is more of a common ground. We're social creatures.

If people want to become isolated loners with zero social contact then fair enough, but i do see some personal element of choice in all that. Not that i really see much wrong in it either. i love my own company & peace & quiet. Have lived alone for 15 years, & been single for 17 years - & am quite content with it all. i do also enjoy certain social contact & the company of a few close friends. Yes it can be difficult & hard work at times - but everything can be. Honestly i'm Not sure that i really see what the issue/drama is with a lot of stuff any more? A certain percentage of it all i think is self created.
 

cpuusage

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Honestly i'm Not sure that i really see what the issue/drama is with a lot of stuff any more? A certain percentage of it all i think is self created.
The general population of the UK love drama, they thrive on it all. It typifies this nation. i think it all gets incredibly boring.
 
skinnyamerikano

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Well, ultimately we are all having a human experience together here on this dustball called Earth. If you think of how vast the cosmos is, it is a miracle that we are here at all. Little specks of blood and bone and brains thinking that they are conscious, self aware. Most people though are only half awake, sleepwalking their way through life.

So what greater purpose than to spend time together, be kind to each other, accomplish things together, and perhaps wake each other up a little more? The destiny of most humans is closely linked to the people around him. We are after all interconnected - you could not exist without your mother or father, and your mind would not be what it is without the influence of your close friends.

So we continue to try, be compassionate and kind, and not speak evil of each other. Every person has some burdens to bear, but there are also pleasurable moments. Company can be great joy.
Great post Kerome :)
 
Jaminacaranda

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We do have free will & choice. We can change certain things, especially as adults. There are ways of persevering with reaching out to & connecting with others, of searching for people with whom there is more of a common ground. We're social creatures.
Sorry, I can't agree. I don't feel I have any free will or choice in the social sphere whatsoever, because to be a success in the social sphere you have to be what other people want you to be. You have to put on an act. You have to conform. People are afraid of anyone who is a bit 'different' and this why they discriminate against racial minorities, political extremists, LGBT people and people with mental health conditions. Everyone is judgemental (including me) and everyone is judged against accepted social 'norms' and the further you deviate from those norms the less likely you are to be accepted in the social sphere. Obviously this is why such groups feel the need to form associations for mutual support. If, like me, you don't even measure up to the desirable physical norm you don't stand a chance unless you can afford thousands of pounds to invest in plastic surgery.

You say it's a personal choice to become an anti-social recluse but I see it as a condition that has been imposed on me by the way other people have treated me for the past 60 years. Yes, naturally, I would say I was a social creature, but other people don't want me to be.
 
Nikita

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It depends on the circles that you decide to mix with.You can also get trapped within communities that are very false and egocentric and based on appearances and the trappings of wealth.None of it is honest,genuine social interaction.if that is what you desire you would seek out like minded ,open minded, genuine interaction.To some people that is difficult,I am not saying it is easy but it can be,it is possible.I guess at the end of the day you attract your own status and mind set.
 
Kerome

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We do have free will & choice. We can change certain things, especially as adults. There are ways of persevering with reaching out to & connecting with others, of searching for people with whom there is more of a common ground. We're social creatures.
Very much so. You can either choose to associate with those you naturally encounter, or you can make a change and consciously choose for another group. But I think it is important to realise you are not only doing this for yourself, but also for others. We are all in it together, and caring for our fellow humans is an important thing for most people.

I don't feel I have any free will or choice in the social sphere whatsoever, because to be a success in the social sphere you have to be what other people want you to be. You have to put on an act. You have to conform.
It really depends. I have found a lot of freedom in for example the walking groups of ex psychiatric patients I walk with every month or so. Everyone is very understanding, and most social interactions are not driven by physical attractiveness but by the instincts of caring.

If you don't give up, you can find these groups where the standard, shallow behaviours don't apply so much. For example with the Buddhist study groups where I am currently there is a similar vibe, that people are there for reasons other than the physical - it is more about being kind, compassionate and understanding and sharing the dharma, the lore of the Buddha.

It depends on the circles that you decide to mix with.You can also get trapped within communities that are very false and egocentric and based on appearances and the trappings of wealth.None of it is honest,genuine social interaction.if that is what you desire you would seek out like minded ,open minded, genuine interaction.To some people that is difficult,I am not saying it is easy but it can be,it is possible.I guess at the end of the day you attract your own status and mind set.
I don't think you can be 'trapped'. At most you can circulate there from force of habit. But nothing is preventing you from changing that, and hanging out with different people. It is only the mind, which is the source of these and many other fetters. By changing the mind, letting go of your preconceived delusions, you can truly be free.

It requires courage and perseverance, but for some people there is little choice. If your personal circumstances have moved you away from the shallow contacts that the majority pursue, then you have to follow your heart and go chase something more meaningful.
 
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