Lack of motivation/apathy v laziness

[firemonkee57]

How do you distinguish between laziness and lack of drive/motivation/apathy? Sometimes/A lot of the time thinking about doing things is too overwhelming or just seems to require too much effort.
A lot of the time i don't want to get dressed let alone go out of the door. Sometimes the thought of going out ramps up my anxiety.
Have not been doing my groups via the day centre .One because it clashes with having my depot injection every other week and they now expect us to get to the allotment on our own(which i feel nervous/uneasy about) and the other,the art and lit,because i feel uncomfortable because of the number of people and being so close together round a long table.The issue re eye contact has become more problematic since the group has grown in size.
Last two times i went i spent the whole time fighting against getting up and rushing out the door.

All of the above plus the fact i have given up on several forums due to being stalked by Pms means i have been isolated/isolating even more than normal(my social network is poor at the best of times (due to long term interpersonal/social interaction difficulties) ie no close friends and difficulty when it comes to knowing how to initiate/sustain social interaction /conversation with other people.)
As i'm not actively suicidal(danger to myself) or homicidal(danger to others) i don't think my mental health team are that bothered as to how well or not i'm functioning.


Risperdal consta may have helped to some extent with my paranoia and hypersensitivity/emotional volatility / strange/weird thoughts
but as for the question of lack of motivation/laziness and drive/initiative that's a whole different kettle of fish

 

[schizzzoid]

Are you not beating yourself up a bit? You give some damn good arguements as to why you're not lazy! It sounds like you have got a lot going on in your head, when this happens to me I barely function, and I often beat myself up with the lazy/useless stick. It's a low-self-esteem-depression thing, not lazyness.

As to the MH team seeming to not be bothered, that may be down to both your perception, after all you are attending a Day Hosp, which suggests quite a high level of care (I know this may not be all it's cracked up to!), and that you have met certain criteria to warrant that care. I think you need to tell your care worker at the Day Hosp. what you are going thru right now, maybe print your post and read it them...

I kind of think the thing with the depot clashing once a fortnight is a bit, er, spurious... The staff at the Day Hosp. surely understand the need for this, and will, therefore, make allowances.

Hope I don't sound harsh, hard or misunderstanding... I'm trying to help, I try to take a hard line with myself, and try even harder not to beat myself up with it, and I'll probably beat myself up later for for being posting this, and so it goes on...

 

[firemonkee57]

Thanks schizzzoid .

 

[RiverWolfe]

I read somewhere on the net (sorry cant remember where) that these day centres only work for 60% of members.

I cant attend my local centre anymore as the stress just became too much and making eye contact was a major factor. Even though i was only talking to one person it felt like if i looked in their eyes i would get sucked in, its the same with everyone.

I seem to be doing better since not going anymore, even though it means i am completly socially withdrawn according to my doctor. I have heard this happends but like i said these centers only work for 60%, i have battled with this for 6 - 8 years, i kept trying to go but like i said the stress became to much and the whole thing turned scary, i am scared of all of the people that go there, even the staff. I cannot openly talk to staff anymore as like i said they scare me.

I used to beat myself up but i have realised i have to be easier on myself, i am not lazy but some days i cannot face leaving the house, i keep a supply of food and powdered milk just incase i cannot hype myself up enough to go out when i have run out of food.

Good luck with it, it sounds like we are both facing the same battle, being socially withdrawn.

River

P.S. Its well worth mentioning to your doctor as they might up the meds, since they upped mine the paranoia has almost gone.

 

[mad as a hatter]

i,ve got the same problem with goin 2 day centres can,t stand the thought goin amongst loads off other people my consultant keeps insisting i go but i dig my heels in and refuse they even tried comin and taking me down but as soon as i have 2 get myself there i won,t go and as same as u i can,t face gettin out bed either makes life a bit lonely at times

 

[dib4uk]

Well people try not to worry so much, your fighting your own hell- so give yourself a break every now and then.

Saying that, I dont know where lack of motivation ends and lazyness begins.

I dont attend any day centers yet, dont really do much apart from getting stressed out at life and waiitng for things that i should be entitiled to ( see other ramberling regarding that)

Lack of motivation is nothing to be ashamed about, because its all well and good wishing to change life and do other things, but sometimes things are sooo stacked up against you that you cant.