i think u all know what im talkin about?why do u all bum me?whats so intrestin?did u all climb in my brain that day or am i in the underworld...ppl say my name in full all the time when im not paying attention...ure all kronkin pigs leave me alone!!!!
It seems that something happened to you. I don't know if my voice will feel like a frightening or unkind voice to you but I would want you to know that other people have been where you are now. They were scared and overwhelmed there too. They didn't know who to trust either and they didn't understand what was happening to them. When it happened to me, it was like breaking into many, many pieces.
I would hope that you can find a safe space for yourself here. For example, there is an area here called "Journals". Maybe you could start a journal of your own there, and talk about what happened or is still happening. And maybe other people, who might understand your experience because they've gone through a similar experience, could offer some words of assistance to you, maybe a way for you to climb out of that place.
Meantime, before I go, I thought I would share something with you. It's a piece of music that a very kind man gave to me when I was feeling a bit like you are now. It helped calm me. Maybe it will do the same for you. Maybe it won't. If you want, you can listen and decide for yourself: Big Calm
Hello again matsri,
I wanted to share some information with you that might help you better understand what happened or is happening to you. Please note that I'm not a professional, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist or therapist. I speak from the position of a peer, someone who may have undergone a similar experience. I use words and ideas that make sense to me and hope that they might make sense to you too, but ultimately, it's up to you to decide.
My own experience started with a song that went like this...
There's a way I've been told
If we walk together, it keeps us from this cold
On the sidewalks of these streets, lie the shattered dreams
empty at our feet
Lead me on, I don't mind
I'll come forward, laughing every time
All my friends, they've gone underground
That was when it started for me, with that song encouraging me to go "underground". Months later, I would equate that space with Jung's collective unconscious...
Do you see the line called "ego"? That's the border of your sense of self-identity and something has happened to create a crack or maybe, a complete shattering of that border. When it happens, content from the unconscious begins to "leak out". That's the darker part, the underworld part.
There are different beliefs as to why people like you or me might end up having this kind of experience. Some people say it's genetic, some people say there's something wrong with our brains. I've noticed that when these things happen it often means something else happened first and whatever that something was, it seriously challenged your sense of self-identity.
Here's another account from someone else who went through a similar experience...
David, a sufferer of schizophrenia, recalls:
"I then felt some part of myself slip down through the crack in the pavement, down to the underworld, while another part of myself remained upon the pavement. I am currently trying to make further sense of this experience in relation to Ancient Egyptian belief, as, certainly during the early dynasties, they had a working knowledge of the Land of the Dead, much of which has been fortunately rediscovered, and is known to us as The Egyptian Book of the Dead."
I felt something similar. As if I'd slipped into another world or dimension that was entirely real. One part of me remained in this world but mostly, I lived in that other world for about six weeks. I was very fortunate to have a guide in that world who stayed with me and helped me get through it. Meantime, one of the things I learned about being in that space was that you have to bring as much love in there with you as you can. It's a protective force.
I found it helpful to understand what had happened to me so that's the kind of sharing I do. But there are other ways and means you can also help yourself matsri, and there are other people who can help you.
If you're reading this and you would like to respond, feel free to do so. But you don't have to. You might prefer to hang back and keep to yourself for a while. That's okay too. But do bring some love into that space where you are.