matsri: am i in the underworld...
Hello again matsri,
I wanted to share some information with you that might help you better understand what happened or is happening to you. Please note that I'm not a professional, I'm not a doctor or a psychologist or therapist. I speak from the position of a peer, someone who may have undergone a similar experience. I use words and ideas that make sense to me and hope that they might make sense to you too, but ultimately, it's up to you to decide.
My own experience started with a song that went like this...
There's a way I've been told
If we walk together, it keeps us from this cold
On the sidewalks of these streets, lie the shattered dreams
empty at our feet
Lead me on, I don't mind
I'll come forward, laughing every time
All my friends, they've gone underground
Go underground...
That was when it started for me, with that song encouraging me to go "underground". Months later, I would equate that space with Jung's collective unconscious...

Do you see the line called "ego"? That's the border of your sense of self-identity and something has happened to create a crack or maybe, a complete shattering of that border. When it happens, content from the unconscious begins to "leak out". That's the darker part, the underworld part.
There are different beliefs as to why people like you or me might end up having this kind of experience. Some people say it's genetic, some people say there's something wrong with our brains. I've noticed that when these things happen it often means something else happened first and whatever that something was, it seriously challenged your sense of self-identity.
Here's another account from someone else who went through a similar experience...
David, a sufferer of schizophrenia, recalls:
"I then felt some part of myself slip down through the crack in the pavement, down to the underworld, while another part of myself remained upon the pavement. I am currently trying to make further sense of this experience in relation to Ancient Egyptian belief, as, certainly during the early dynasties, they had a working knowledge of the Land of the Dead, much of which has been fortunately rediscovered, and is known to us as The Egyptian Book of the Dead."
Source: Embracing the Fragmented Self
I felt something similar. As if I'd slipped into another world or dimension that was entirely real. One part of me remained in this world but mostly, I lived in that other world for about six weeks. I was very fortunate to have a guide in that world who stayed with me and helped me get through it. Meantime, one of the things I learned about being in that space was that you have to bring as much love in there with you as you can. It's a protective force.
I found it helpful to understand what had happened to me so that's the kind of sharing I do. But there are other ways and means you can also help yourself matsri, and there are other people who can help you.
If you're reading this and you would like to respond, feel free to do so. But you don't have to. You might prefer to hang back and keep to yourself for a while. That's okay too. But do bring some love into that space where you are.
~ Namaste
See also:
- How to Produce an Acute Schizophrenic Break
- Schizophrenia & The Hero's Journey
- Archetypes & The Individuation Process
- The Inner Apocalypse
- The Experience of Schizophrenia
- Psychosis: An Introduction to a Jungian Perspective
Music of the Hour: May it Be
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