kids on school hols next week- help!!

[grace68]

hi, i have bipolar, and am in a bad depression at the moment.
i haven't left the house for several weeks, and really can't be bothered to do anything at all.
my 11yr old son, and 8yr old daughter have been ok, coming and going from school- sadly, they are used to my illness.
but next week is really freaking me out- they can't sit in here with me all week! they want to go to an 'activity day' on the tuesday- but the under 10s need an adult accompaniment.
i feel so useless , not to be able to do these normal things, that my kids will really miss out.
does anyone else have problems in the holidays?

 

[GrizzlyBear]

hi, i have bipolar, and am in a bad depression at the moment.
i haven't left the house for several weeks, and really can't be bothered to do anything at all.
my 11yr old son, and 8yr old daughter have been ok, coming and going from school- sadly, they are used to my illness.
but next week is really freaking me out- they can't sit in here with me all week! they want to go to an 'activity day' on the tuesday- but the under 10s need an adult accompaniment.
i feel so useless , not to be able to do these normal things, that my kids will really miss out.
does anyone else have problems in the holidays?

Sometimes it helps to 'have' to do things....left to self-motivation things often don't get done.

I have arranged to go to an exhibition in the City and to go to Europe next month. Do I want to? Not really. Will I enjoy it once there? That remains to be seen. I hope so!

 

[quality factor]

You are concerned about your kids 'missing out', maybe this could be a special reason to try and accompany them,I know it will take tremendous effort but think how thrilled your kids might be if you managed to go with them.
It could be the catalyst for getting about a little more. Sometimes we have to make a huge effort and may benefit ourselves in the long run.

Good luck, QF.

 

[Dollit]

Kids do get used to a lot but they don't really understand why. They'll know if they can't go places because it's because someone is ill but they won't understand. And as others have said, sometimes it take a huge effort to do things. The more we tell ourselves we can't do something the more we believe it.

 

[grace68]

you are right- but i am still terrified- it will be so busy, and probably people there i know- i hate meeting other parents- i just feel such a freak- i think that i 'look' depressed.
it's very hard after many weeks of being able to hide away.
but it is probabaly going to be a 'have-to' that finally gets me going- and next week, i don't think i can reasonably hide away, any longer.

i am very interested to know how other parents with mental illness cope with parenting, especially in the school holidays?

(i do know that i am lucky to have the kids with me, and don't want to appear ungrateful)

 

[Dollit]

There's a key phrase in what you've just written "being able to hide away". This does seem to say that you're choosing not to get out and about.

When I'm at my worst I argue with everyone - I scream in shops, I'm rude and nasty to people. I live in a small area (even though it's part of a big city) and I have to go back out there and face people. I hate doing it but it's true what they say about 9 day wonders. People always find something else to talk about.

So I get out there and plaster a fake smile on my face and then come home and cry. I have a support network I work hard to maintain and the girls in Boots are the best. They talk to me, encourage me and always ask if I'm okay if I look as though I'm not. People can be wonderful if you just take a small risk.

 

[GrizzlyBear]

i am very interested to know how other parents with mental illness cope with parenting, especially in the school holidays?

(i do know that i am lucky to have the kids with me, and don't want to appear ungrateful)

I find that going out is easier than staying in...although my son and I both spend a lot of time on our computers (not that I'm saying that that is a great thing).

I don't have a partner...and my ex-husband is rarely even in touch with our son.....so sometimes my son and I feel we have spent too much time together. It's, probably, quite a nice thing that your kids have each other.

To cope with extensive periods of time together I have learned to focus on my hobbies (and him on his). On bad days I don't care about my hobbies and that becomes more difficult. We live in a fairly isolated spot which means everything that is normal for families is somewhat magnified.

A little bit of structure seems to help overall. I am taking my son to a Dr Who exhibition on Saturday. It gives us both something to look forward to.

Sorry, I am babbling.

 

[lonelyandlost]

I have 3 children 4, 8 and 11. I too hate going out, hate seeing others in the playground, hate the feeling people are looking at me and if someone does speak to me I go like a quivering wreck. My children are on holiday for 2 weeks as of Friday and I am dreading it.

I know there are a few places that the kids want to go and also my hubby too. He won't go alone with the kis cos he doesn't do anything alone with them. I will have to do things no matter how hard.

I will HAVE to plan everything and keep myself focused on the day ahead and work with the 'I can' speech, no matter how much I don't want to.

when I go out I always keep something really special to me in my hand when things start to take a dive and remember breathing exercises.

You really can do it, when you let your mind know you can. It is the hardest thing in the world to let your mind do 'it'

Hope it goes well for you

 

[unlucky]

Scottish school holidays are diferent from English, my daughter is only off on Monday, but I know where you're coming from. I'm agoraphobic and generally can't leave the house without my husband, but when its school hols I always make a 'special effort' even if its only one day a week when my daughters off. I think she enjoys it more too because its a special occassion for her to be doing someting with her mum (that sounds terrible now I've written it down). I tend to take her to the cinema because its dark and you don't have to interact with anyone - maybe you could do this? Children get so much nowadays, I remember it was a big treat if I was taken anywhere as we just had to amuse ourselves!! What I also try to do is arrange 'family days' in the house where I get all the food she likes and we play games all day, that could be another idea for you.

 

[grace68]

thank you everyone,
it's helpful to know that i'm not alone in dreading the school holidays!
but i am challenged to make the massive extra effort to get out with the kids at least a couple of times.it's also the effort with engaging with them, when i just feel so numb and lifeless.
i do accept your point, dollit, that i have got into the rut of choosing to hide away. that's what is good about this forum, when you can be encouraged, and challenged, all at once.
i will come back on this thread, let you know how it goes- i'd really love to know how you all get on too.
it could be like a school holiday support group?!

 

[happyhappy]

Hi there,
I too find school holidays challenging. My mht know this and offer me extra support during this time.
I have been very depressed and can associate with the feelings you describe, of not wanting to be with others, thinking you look depressed etc. I absolutely hate if I have to go out. My girls play in the street or can have friends over, but when I am depressed, I am dreadful, I don't even want them out as I become convinced something is going to happen to them.
Thankfully my husband is good at kind of 'making' me go! I do sometimes have to take diazepam to manage though.
I am now less depressed and find I can think of outings with the girls. They have been on a long weekend recently and my eldest had 5 friends over for a sleepover on Saturday for birthday, we took them to a beach yesterday and I took them shopping for them today.
I do hope your depression lifts. I know how hard it can be.
Happyhappy

 

[grace68]

hi happyhappy

i wonder what extra support your mht offers you during school holidays (or leading up to them).
i think it would be great if school holiday activities / support were offered to kids who have parents with mental health problems- like when i've been in hospital during holiday times it's been a nightmare-
probably an unrealistic pipe dream- but it would be nice!

actually, writing that bit about the hospital, i am reminded that this school holiday is not as bad as several previous school holidays. i am at least, at home- i think i'll ask my psych.dr today for some diazepam to help me through the times i will take the kids out next week.

thanks for posting

 

[happyhappy]

i wonder what extra support your mht offers you during school holidays (or leading up to them).

It is really just a case of my cpn meeting up with me, reassuring me she is at the end of a phone, coming in to check I am ok. My pdoc too, just kind of reassures me that if I need help I have not to suffer, I have just to call and he will see me.
I am very fortunate in that I have a very good MHT. I know this is a bit of a postcode lottery.
However, the reason I get so much reassurance is because I have ended up in hospital on a few occassions during the holidays. I spent nearly all of last summer there.
Happyhappy

 

[grace68]

well, half-term is over (sorry LL -i know you've still got another week)

i am so glad to feel safe from judgement on this forum- that i am so relieved they're back at school !

i got through the week ok, managed to get out to the activity day, and to the cinema twice, (orange wednesday- great film- night at the museum2 ; kids cheap saturday -adults go free- not so great- tale of despereaux ).
got the kids eyes tested, even managed the supermarket on that day.

actually, now i'm writing that, i'm realising that i did those things, because i had to. that it was good for me. now i'm worried that they're back at school?(because i'm off sick, that i'll go back to hiding away, achieving nothing).
worried on one hand, enormously relieved on the other - now i'm confused!

and now, as many times during last week, i find myself absolutely dreading the long summer holidays i, too, have been hospitalised a couple of time in the summer holidays.

but for now, i'll try not to think about that- and just let myself have a 'do nothing' day to recover .i wonder how everyone else got on?