keeping secrets. *triggering please be careful*

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_messofme_

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May 8, 2015
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#1
Hi, this may be triggering to some.
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ive skipped some meds recently and now have a very little collection, i know i should just hand them in or throw them away but thats alot harder then i thought it would be keeping them is like have a safety net/ a contingency plan.:sorry:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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#2
I know what it's like to want to have an 'escape plan' at the ready.

There is something freeing about it and during bad times, i've actually found it less stressful to have an 'exit' in sight. For me, I felt in control knowing I could do something bad if I wanted to. But that's just me..

I suppose the question is how safe would you feel knowing that you have them?
Is the risk that you might use them really worth the comfort?
I can't really answer any of these questions for you, of course. Only you know what's best.

But if you think that there is a real risk, I suggest that you find a way to get rid.

By the way, are you back to taking medication normally now? x
 
M

_messofme_

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#3
Yeah i do like having 'an escape plan' its safe, its ok and i know thats an option if things are too bad/hard.

You pose some good questions.. and i will try to answer them as best as i can.

Currently i feel ok having them as i know theres not many there so would likey do very little... however i can at times be very impulsive so there is a slight risk. but also if im feeling impulsive and cant contain it then id do anything really :/

Risk vs Comfort.
im not really sure ae, as a theres always the risk with me ( like even on my file it say in a colored alert sticker that im high risk of OD's). i guess not having easy access to them means id have to find something to take- so its a little road block to stop me.
The comfort though- thats harder as its currently a secret from anyone who has the ability to take them off of me. I find some sort of control/comfort in thatt, in having a secret way out. Coming clean about my collection risks not having it al all/ not having a secret etc BUT it also risks my MH team removing my prescription due to ineffective use. ..... but i simply did forget to take them. i didn't actually think that i would slowly stock-pile but mh team wont see it that way.

I am taking them normally again ( i think) my brains a bit of a sieve of late.. i go to group therapy, i come home and write essays, sleep and go back to group therapy ... and cause of essays ive not been sleeping till really really late as i need to finish them. Im going to take normal dose this evening and normal dose tomorrow and try get back into a routine.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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#4
Definitely get back into the routine of taking them.
Have you found them helpful at all? Hopefully if they have helped, when you're back on them, the ones you have stocked won't seem so tempting.

This might not be something that works for you, but perhaps do your own daily risk assessment?
If you think that you'll be safe knowing that you have them one day, then leave it be.
But if you wake up the next morning and have doubts for you safety, then maybe it would be time to reach out to someone who can get rid of them for you. x
 
R

Rolandrat

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#6
Sounded like I was reading about myself, I have an escape route and it helps but scares me knowing it's there. No one ( except you ) knows about it. It's not to hand and it's an effort to get, that's my safety net- I would have to take time to put it together and could never be a quick decision.
 
echo66

echo66

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#7
Hi, this may be triggering to some

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ive skipped some meds recently and now have a very little collection, i know i should just hand them in or throw them away but thats alot harder then i thought it would be keeping them is like have a safety net/ a contingency plan.:sorry:
Can totally understand this train of thought... I've done much the same thing, except I do have them to hand - it might be a false sense of 'security' but it works for me...

(((messofme)))
 
M

_messofme_

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#8
UpDate

So.. Update (for those who care)
The little collection of pills is gone and i spent a night in A&E.
I think in the future i need to not have little collections of spare pills around. :sorry::low:
 
echo66

echo66

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#9
Sending ((((hugs)))) I'm so sorry you ended up in A&E but am glad you are safe. I hope you feel better soon... xx
 
R

Rolandrat

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#10
People do care, glad you're here to tell us you're here ! Take care, minute at a time x
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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#11
Aww i'm sorry that you ended up in A&E, but i'm also glad that you're still here to tell the tale.
Whist none of this is ideal, perhaps it is a learning experience and that in future you know that you won't be able to resist if you do have access to potentially harmful things.
Look after yourself and I hope you feel better soon. :hug1:
 
U

UMPALUMPA

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#12
Sending ((((hugs)))) I'm so sorry you ended up in A&E but am glad you are safe. I hope you feel better soon... xx
Hope your ok now, I understand stashing pills and I did it recently, what matters is your ok. :hug5:

take care x
 
D

diabolicalme

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#13
Sorry to hear your situation but if it's any consolation I'm doing exactly the same thing and spent yesterday at A&E from od'ing on something over the counter, so my little secret stash remains safe for a future occasion when I really go the whole hog. Not good I know. It is however a comfort to me knowing they're there. I'm also scared MH would be pretty pissed off with me for not quite telling the truth - I accidentally came off last lot of meds cos I had issues with GP, didn't go back for months & didn't get prescriptions so stopped taking meds knowing I'd run out. Except I still had a box's worth left & never told anyone.
 
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