- Feb 14, 2015
I apologize in advance for the length, I'm a writer so I have trouble toning things down. So, because of a sort of crisis I was going through towards the end of last year, I left my high school and I hadn't seen any of my friends in over 2 months. And dealing with manic depression for over 5 years now, I have to say, my friends have been one of the only things keeping me going. They're like a second family to me. And even when all my secrets starting unraveling about my depression and some of the crazy stuff I'd done, they all still stuck by my side and showed me love. So, not seeing them for all this time has really hurt me. The time away really did help my state of mind, but I missed them so much. So earlier this week, I went up to the school and, to my amazement, left and right people were seeing me and greeting me with giant hugs and smiles, shouting my name. This really lifted my spirits up. Okay, now for the complete 180. There were these two girls (Bree and Emma) I met during swimming season at my school (they helped out with the team). Before I knew it, the three of us become really close friends and they were one of the only things I looked forward to when forcing myself out of bed. A few weeks back, I made the mistake of telling one of them I liked them while texting her (Bree). I didn't really mean to, it just sorta slipped out through my nervous banter. After that she ignored my text and calls for about 2 and a half weeks. The first day I came up to the school, I went to the pool and the Emma saw me and ran up and hugged me. Bree was apparently gone at a doctor's appointment. So, me and Emma talked a little hear and there and everything seemed fine. Then the second day that I came up, I stopped at the store and got Bree sugar cookies (as the ending of a ongoing joke between us) and I got Emma her favorite candy. When I got there, Bree looked at me and gave me a look of like "Oh, god, while the hell is he here". I tried ignoring it and said 'hey' to Emma, who awkwardly just said 'hi' and didn't even look up at me. It mad me a little upset, but I tried to keep a positive outlook and so when we were passing them their new swim stuff, I slipped both of their 'treats' in their respective swim stuff. Even when they came up to me they barely said a word and completely avoided eye contact. The rest of the day went pretty much the same and I got kinda bummed. Then today, both of them literally avoided me at every turn and didn't even say hi. At one point I went outside on the stairway by myself and a few minutes later, bree walked out, saw me, and went right back in. I later asked Emma through text about it and she said "It's just not the same." and that "we haven't talked or seen each other in so long. You can't expect us to be all buddy buddy right when you get back." And to some degree I understood that, but they literally didn't even have a single conversation with me. I don't know, I just feel like I keep losing people left and right and I don't know what to do about them at this point. I'm not officially coming back to school and their swim season is over. So, there's not exactly any time for us to be together and "get back to normal" like she said. Again sorry for the length and thank you to anyone who read this entire thing.