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Keep crying, can't stop, interfering with my sleep

B

biggerdandy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 5, 2014
Messages
196
It's been 3 months since I had to say goodbye to my dog, Mollie. I've had her since I was 10. One day after a walk she came down with a really horrendous bug, and even though she recovered, she was never the same afterwards.

A few months later, blindness set in overnight, she started vomitting and losing weight. In the end her kidney's gave out and we had to put her down a little before turning 14, 2 weeks before Christmas.

I can still hear her bark when I'm at home, I still can see where we used to snuggle up on the sofa, or keep expecting her to walk into the room where I work. I miss her terribly and I don't know what I can do to make these feelings stop.

We have our new dog, a collie called Elsa, but I stil think about mollie and miss her so much. I feel a sense of guilt for taking her to the vets myself when she was put down. I can still see clearly in mind when she went.

I can remember when we first went to see her as a puppy and while the rest of her litter slept, she, the runt of her siblings, flopped over from the back of the dog basket to come sniff me. We were going to scatter her ashes but nobody at home feels ready to do it. I'm personally not comfortable with cremation anyway so I found it even more distressing (I guess it's because I feel nature has it's own way of dealing with remains and such, and prefer gravesites to visit).

I want her back so much, I can't get used to not having her around. I've hurt before over things, more severely since my depression flaired up after my last partner cheated on me, but I've not felt pain like this.

I don't know what to do
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
First of all, do not feel guilty for taking her to the vets. :hug1:
It sounds like her quality of life had really declined and putting her to sleep was the most compassionate thing you could have done.
It's very hard for us as humans to have the weight of a decision like that playing on our minds because it doesn't seem natural, but from what you said she was very poorly and you were selfless to relieve her from her pain.

As you may know, my dog had to be put to sleep last week and so I understand the pain and loss that you are going through. It's going to take time for you to heal and of course, you're never going to forget your friend who gave you so much love and joy.

For me, i'm managing to distract myself but every now and then the grief hits me. Something will remind me of my dog and i'm a sobbing mess.
Just earlier this afternoon I was trying to remember his smell - the back of his head had such a familiar and comforting scent, like dry grass mixed with something sweet - and cried when I realised i'd never smell him again.

I'm wondering if you've read the rainbow bridge poem at all? It is really comforting.
You have to know that your friend isn't gone forever, they've just move on.
I don't know what your beliefs are, so I don't want to be talking about all of this because sometimes it's tempting to think "Yeah, right!".

Anyway, this little rhyme has helped me a lot, especially knowing i'm not the only one who feels the loss of a pet so deeply, so i'm sharing it with you. And it's true, my dog will live for always in my heart. That's what you have to remember. :hug1:

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