- Dec 10, 2018
My stupid mouth, distant behavior, and past thoughts tare me back to where I can experience feelings . . i seem lost in both presence and emotion. I bring back emotion through pain because something tangible I can quantify, feel, and fully deserve for my sins of the past. Had I understoodthe power of the “maroon“ I may not be here now. But I don’t deserve the love of my wife & kids, father, and others. I am unworthy of happiness because of all that I am. I am ugly and despicable and not deserving of love or friendship! Thus the just punishment continues but how do I stop it? No one (Psychiatrist, Doctors, Social Workers) ask and I don’t tell. sometimes I think the truth is too much to bear thus we b7ry such events into our subconscious but I have realized that it never lasts. what can I do to stop it?