just words....

[telemetry9]

"Through the emptiness. The pain of it. Finding ways to move beyond the sense that I am dying. Falling into the darkness that nothing is worthwhile - an utter hopelessness that I fight against. Took meg out for her walk and the sun is shining even though I can feel the weather changing towards snow and full bitterness. It will be coming soon. Another big change. The theatre of the weather brings comfort to me. I'm not sure why. The vast calamity of it that people can't ignore - can't turn away from. I think this comforts me. That the universe is not just about work or doing or moving or running towards some pointlessness.

Children seem to know. I think that is why they love the snow so much. People who stay at home and care for their own children will feel the joy in knowing the calamity the world seems to recoil from. Children love. It comforts me to know that. The best things in life are free - it's true. Truer than most things.

The clock of nature doesn't care about the mechanisms of mankind. I love nature for that very reason. Her separateness. If she was a person then she would probably be a loner. Someone misunderstood and separate from the aspirations of most people. Probably scorned and laughed at for being so far from wanting what they want. The things they run after so tirelessly and then to die like grubs that have fulfilled their destiny of engorgement on the world and its resources. I'm just as guilty of that at times but I have changed. Those things don't matter to me anymore. I thank God for that.

I can't feel anything this morning. I am dead really. It will take a long time for me to come round. The passing hours of the day and the tasks that I have to do. They will begin to make a difference or is it just the passing of the time itself? A sense that I am making some headway in the day ahead and that I will make i through."

 

[Lady Summer Isles]

Just wanted to send you a hug. I love how you describe things. I had to go out earlier to get my prescription and as i walked back it started snowing. I just stood outside the front of my house with my arms outstretched looking up - don't know or care what the neighbours thought. It's just the basic things in life that i can connect with. I've had a good day after a bad night. Saw lots of golden angels and when i was out i had to buy an angel candle holder. But the best part of the day is that my son phoned. I haven't heard from him for about 2 years. I just thought if i had taken my life a few days ago i would never have heard him today. Am thinking of you Robert.
Take care
Tannith

 

[telemetry9]

It must feel great to hear from your son. Congratulations on that - it's really something to hold onto.

You're so right - we don't know what is around the corner. Just when we think we have it all sorted out. We sure don't.

It's hard to see that though when we are in the middle of it.

Thank you.
robert.

 

[JETBOY]

Dont feel alone

t/9 dont feel like your dying ,your just blinded by the darkness ,you only see what the demon is showing you ,it whispers these thing to you ,and you
bellieve them ,see through the dark look with you mind and not your eyes
what of this god of yours does he not give you hope ,and the will to fight
,to carry on against all odds ,turn your back on the demon and you will deal
it a blow it finds hard to take ,deppresion is full of gifts ,you must look deep inside yourself for these gifts ,they are weapons for you to use as weapons
in your fight against the dark warriors that wish to bring us down ,i do not
believe in god ,but i respect your beliefs ,ask your god for strentgh ,my god
gives me the weapons i ask for ,dont forget 43 years ive fought ,child ,youth
man ,i may bleed and often cry and i ask for death ,it never comes ,but it
make me stand up and fight again ,,,,stand up telemetry9 if you like i will
stand beside you and well slay this beast together ,,,,never alone ,,JETBOY

 

[telemetry9]

Thank you Jetboy....I appreciate that.

I was following your example of saying how things are this morning. You've inspired me to write about what is going on more. I don't think I'll be posting them up though because I'm not as brave as you.

Hope you had a better day
robert.

 

[TOONAFISH]

Robert, hi. Your writing is v good. Is it what you do for a living? Hope you are ok x

 

[telemetry9]

Hi toonafish,

Thank you.

I'm trying to keep track of things so I'm writing a little each day. I hate doing it but I'm told it helps.

robert.

 

[TOONAFISH]

i wish i could get my thoughts written down so well like that. i know what i mean but find it hard to describe to others. maybe you could translate for me

if it helps keep it up x

 

[telemetry9]

haha.....Im not sure how successful we would be at that.

I always feel like such a prat when I'm writing. Feels like an exercise in arrogance somehow. Like I don't have the right to do it.

The key is to just be yourself - like in all things. Not that I have the faintest idea what I'm talking about. I was really motivated by Jetboy and the way he conveyed things. So it is his fault really jetboy

Maybe we should have a new subject in the forums. Express yourself today and get it out.....