T
telemetry9
Guest
"Through the emptiness. The pain of it. Finding ways to move beyond the sense that I am dying. Falling into the darkness that nothing is worthwhile - an utter hopelessness that I fight against. Took meg out for her walk and the sun is shining even though I can feel the weather changing towards snow and full bitterness. It will be coming soon. Another big change. The theatre of the weather brings comfort to me. I'm not sure why. The vast calamity of it that people can't ignore - can't turn away from. I think this comforts me. That the universe is not just about work or doing or moving or running towards some pointlessness.
Children seem to know. I think that is why they love the snow so much. People who stay at home and care for their own children will feel the joy in knowing the calamity the world seems to recoil from. Children love. It comforts me to know that. The best things in life are free - it's true. Truer than most things.
The clock of nature doesn't care about the mechanisms of mankind. I love nature for that very reason. Her separateness. If she was a person then she would probably be a loner. Someone misunderstood and separate from the aspirations of most people. Probably scorned and laughed at for being so far from wanting what they want. The things they run after so tirelessly and then to die like grubs that have fulfilled their destiny of engorgement on the world and its resources. I'm just as guilty of that at times but I have changed. Those things don't matter to me anymore. I thank God for that.
I can't feel anything this morning. I am dead really. It will take a long time for me to come round. The passing hours of the day and the tasks that I have to do. They will begin to make a difference or is it just the passing of the time itself? A sense that I am making some headway in the day ahead and that I will make i through."
Children seem to know. I think that is why they love the snow so much. People who stay at home and care for their own children will feel the joy in knowing the calamity the world seems to recoil from. Children love. It comforts me to know that. The best things in life are free - it's true. Truer than most things.
The clock of nature doesn't care about the mechanisms of mankind. I love nature for that very reason. Her separateness. If she was a person then she would probably be a loner. Someone misunderstood and separate from the aspirations of most people. Probably scorned and laughed at for being so far from wanting what they want. The things they run after so tirelessly and then to die like grubs that have fulfilled their destiny of engorgement on the world and its resources. I'm just as guilty of that at times but I have changed. Those things don't matter to me anymore. I thank God for that.
I can't feel anything this morning. I am dead really. It will take a long time for me to come round. The passing hours of the day and the tasks that I have to do. They will begin to make a difference or is it just the passing of the time itself? A sense that I am making some headway in the day ahead and that I will make i through."