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just wondering

B

baldsucka

New member
Joined
Aug 7, 2008
Messages
1
well i was wondering what some other peoples opinions would be, since going to the doctors would red flag my family :p

any who, i am 19. i lived with my mom forever, dad died at 14, moved around alot. 50% of the family has substance problems.

i remember hearing voices and lots of them talking really fast when i was little. usually when i was going to sleep. it only happend once in a while but when it did it was horrible.

when i was 14 i started getting drunk and smoking dope. by 15 i tried E and crack and i was addicted to cocaine and other drugs until this year. i had this standge premoniton of a dream that this would happen and it did.

i needed more drugs and i robbed some guys house, almost went to jail for a year. got lucky. it was my breaking point. there was 6 month of stress of wether or not i would goto jail.

i always blamed thing on bad acid trips, etc etc, but then i think about how long this has been happening. some times it feels as if i have every disorder. i get panic attacks, i find it hard to cope in social situations.

i look out the window some times and the world seems so strange, alien like. i am absolutely in love with life but scared by it at the same time.

when i talk if im not on my A game everything comes out weird wrong words or backwards sentences. maybe a stutter.

im never really angry, but either real happy or extreemly depressed.

i worry about my health ALOT since the drug use, but i do feel my health is doing pretty good now. i witness in the dark moving non existant textures, etc. objects creep i my perepherials when its dark, or in a dark room. audio hallucinations are nothing new to me but those are the easiest things to deal.

i have issues sleeping. either i cannot sleep until 5 am or i fall asleep at 9:30 PM.

these things really don't effect me that much i learn to cope, but it seems to really effect my motivation to finish high school and start my life. meeting people is hard and keeping a job is difficult... on the upside i love to computer program, i am currently working on my own 3d role playing game :) and lots of other programs to add to my portfolio for later in life.

sorry for the LOOONG post and im not trying to get an awnser to my problems, i was kinda wondering if anybody thinks that i should seek medical attention from my general physican or should i try to sort out these problems myself.

maybe change of enviorment, change of lifestyle perhaps?

thanks ahead of time :clap:
 
Last edited:
Fedup

Fedup

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2007
Messages
1,937
Hello and :welcome: to MHF :)

You have gone through some stuff at such a young age. I'd suggest you go see your gp .......print your post out too if it'll help you telling them how you feel.

 
S

staples

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 30, 2008
Messages
106
im 34 and battled drug and drink problems since i was your age, see your doctor take your post with ya is good advice:welcome:

btw my health has improved since i stopped abusing substances/alcohol but i still get unwell at times
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
you sound a lil like me. i did'nt lose my mind. i drop kicked it out of a moving bus.
chemicals, man. they'll ***k you up.

there is something called Persistent Hallucinogen Disorder, or something similar, where using things like LSD can cause hallucinations for years after the last use. i havent dropped a stamp in almost 15 years, i still see tracers and paint sliding off the wall, no matter how many meds i take.
dont let it mess with you too much, though. hallucinations i can handle (mostly). its the delusions that really ***k me up.
 
S

Starbright

Guest
I remember being in hospital and seeing a plastic flower crawl down the wall...it was quite interesting...
 
D

Dollit

Guest
A trip to the GP is a really good idea. Keep off the drugs, best thing I ever did. Thing is drugs can magnify something that's already there in some people - I got psychotic big time.

Keep coming back and I wish I'd been wise enough to stop all my excesses when I was 19.
 
yakuza

yakuza

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Mar 20, 2008
Messages
812
Location
Edinburgh
I would also advise seeing your GP and hopefully get some help with the lack of sleep and anxiety that you seem to be suffering with.

Good luck with everything.
 
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